I learned a few things about Cantonese culture at the memorial service:

- the Cantonese prefer to wear black, while a Hokkien HK friend says they prefer to wear lighter--but not

bright--colors.

- visitors will be given a little envelope with three items, none of which should be brought home: a one dollar coin, a piece of candy, and a piece of tissue. the dollar coin is returned after the service as a donation (not to the family), and the candy has to be consumed before you leave. the candy is meant to bring some sweetness to the bitterness of saying goodbye.

- individual donations to the family of the deceased have to be given by the individual and cannot borrowed, and you can't ask a friend to give it on your behalf in advance. 
- the sum given must be an odd number; our group of friends each gave HKD 101.00, for example. even numbers usually represent joy and celebration.
- upon arrival, guests in small groups will bow three times to the deceased, and once to the family. at the end of the service, the bows are repeated before you leave.

- not everyone will attend the service because it is not an "auspicious" event. some may come just to give their bows and may leave immediately after that.

- my friend refused to drive his car to the service because he didn't want to inadvertently bring "strangers" home with him, if you know what i mean. similarly, you shouldn't go home directly from the funeral home, so we went out for dinner after. 

i'm sure my family had slightly different rituals as we are Hokkien, but i won't know what those are, hopefully not for a little while. i don't think my heart can bear another loss for the next....couple of years or so, at least?