back from Huangshan

Wonderful trip. Many thoughts. One of my friends had a persistent, dry cough the entire trip. My throat now feels scratchy and I have the occasional cough. Making garlic-ginger tea now. Hope it'll help because it certainly sounds weird enough.

My favorite pic from the trip.

What would it mean to bring blessings and not curses? This is so very difficult at times in my workplace, mostly because of how mean and small I can be.

cool!

Through one of my badminton friends, I met a police officer who works in the financial crime division. He arrests money launderers!!

hello, monday

I have a great life but I can't wait for the world to end. O, come Lord Jesus, come.

Fifth Week of Lent - April 14, 2011
 
Jesus said,' If I were to seek my own glory that would be no glory at all; my glory
is conferred by the Father'. (John 8)
 
A grateful life is one in which we receive our gifts from God and then lift them
 up, trusting that they will multiply. That's what Jesus did.
- Henri J. M. Nouwen

feeling overwhelmed

Maybe I'm now coming down from the high that was the beginning of the week. Strangely, this translates into a lot of angst and hand-wringing on my part that would confuse and exasperate some of my academic friends and mentors. My spiritual friends? Well, I'm afraid to talk about this with anyone right now so I wouldn't know! I see how I'm being silly and small but I can't help myself.

What to do? What to do?

---

So I g-chatted with a friend from my church home group, and I do feel a little better. This problem seems to keep coming back again and again. I always feel like I'm not good enough and not smart enough. Reminding myself of the parable of the prodigal son and the elder brother (I'm the elder brother who does not remember that all the father has is mine) hasn't helped so far.

Jeremiah 10: 23-24

 ²³ LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own;
   it is not for them to direct their steps.
²⁴ Discipline me, LORD, but only in due measure—
   not in your anger,
   or you will reduce me to nothing.

many thoughts

The week has gotten off to an amazing start. An old academic friend/mentor flew over from Shanghai to give a lecture for my dept and I spent time with her the last two nights. We ended up talking quite late both nights and then early this morning, I attended a prayer meeting for the university. I have heard so much that I am a little bit stunned. I don't know how to process all this. It's very exciting, of course, and it makes my world a whole lot bigger but more complicated.

I am in awe of how much I have in my life. I have met so many generous, inspiring people. I'm not sure I know how to respond at this point.

The late nights of talk and the early morning meeting are taking their toll. I think I'm going to go home and take a nap, and hopefully, I will be able to read after the lunch.

fun, fun, fun....

I've had a fantastic weekend. Worked for part of Saturday, then met a new badminton group that is pretty good. After our three-hour session, we tried a new Thai restaurant with my XD partner, R, for the mini-competition at HKU next weekend. Fabulous red curry duck! Found out that R, a novelist in residency at the university, was Khairy Jamaluddin's college roommate!! Heard some gossip about KJ. Sunday, had breakfast with my cousin and her husband (visiting from Singapore), then church (boring sermon, sorry). After church, had lunch with a few church friends who also taught me to play bridge (addictive!). Rushed home for a quick session in the sauna (thought I was getting a bit sniffly, feel fine today, thanks to the sauna!!) before heading out to a dinner with HK's wing chun association (in honor of the very much dead founder, Ip Man). Got home, showered, rolled into bed.

I have a full life, I'm meeting really nice people, I have a few good friends with whom I can talk honestly, and I am getting a lot of regular, very fun, exercise.

Am I ungrateful for missing my old friends who are scattered all over the world?

warm-up fast #2

1. I don't feel closer to God this time around and it doesn't help when you have a very busy day at work. Fasting didn't help me focus on God because I was running around too much. It didn't help my work either because every time I had a free moment, instead of thinking about the ideas I need to work on, I think about food and then think about how I shouldn't think about food. But I suppose people who have to go without food don't have the luxury of choice.

2. I wonder if it will be easier to fast when classes are no longer in session. I get grumpy when hungry and it is a lot harder to interact with students then.

3. Fasting really isn't fun. Spiritual disciplines are not "fun." This doesn't mean that everything that draws us closer to God should make us miserable. That would be an unhealthy view of a God who loves and draws close to us. But fasting as a spiritual discipline is not "fun" because it reminds us of the brokenness of a world where some people go hungry.

4. After I've stopped fasting, I start to feel afraid when I feel hungry again--even if I know that I can eat if I want to eat then. Imagine, then, the fear of those who cannot always satisfy their hunger as a matter of course.

baddy

Played with a new group last night and had a fabulous time. They were mostly older men who were still accurate enough to make the games interesting, and a few men in their early forties who were fast and strong, so I was pushed more than I usually am at my Sunday group. I really need to find a new group for Sunday evenings! I need to get more used to losing, haha!

Last night, I had a 60% success rate which is not what I'm used to but I also learned a lot. After playing regularly with a group of people, reading their next shot becomes an unconscious act. But when you play with new folks, it's almost as if you've lost an eye you didn't know you had, and learning to cope with the ensuing nerves is a good skill to have. Moreover, when you play with people at your level and higher, you really have to be patient and pace yourself. Trying to kill the rally too fast under those conditions only means losing the rally. I'm also working on playing more aggressively. My drops and net play are usually fine so now I need to work on power shots to vary my game.

My shoulder still doesn't feel normal but I suppose my body just has to find a way to adjust to it. Sigh.

fasting

For the first time in my life, I will fast from food. I've gone on FB fasts before and they're not easy. But food fasts are different and after Day 1, I've already learned a few lessons.

1. As most people acknowledge, hunger pangs can remind you to focus more on one's spiritual condition. This is true and it is useful.

2. To not be able to eat when one is hungry left me feeling helpless, afraid, and a little angry. Today was just a warm-up fast (missed lunch) so I wasn't terribly hungry for very long, and feeling hungry on the days I teach is not unusual because I usually only eat after my classes are over. But I can imagine how someone who goes hungry for long periods of time might be emotionally and psychologically affected by it. And I assume it would affect one's judgment too.

3. If you break your fast with a normal meal, i.e. no more than you would usually eat, you still feel hungry! This was a surprise to me. Okay, so this could be peculiar to me since I usually feel hungry even after a regular meal on regular days. But....maybe I expected to feel full because I was fasting. If people who are undernourished don't feel full even after they've broken their fasts--and they probably have less than I usually do--then....what does that do to their sense of self and where they are in this world?

4. I'm afraid to exercise this evening because I'm afraid I might black out (partly because I donated blood yesterday too). But people who go hungry don't have a choice over how much labor they do. And exercise is totally fun for me.

I'm usually hungry two hours after I eat every day of the week anyway, but the hunger that fasting causes is different from that other kind of hunger. I'm just fixated on food, that's what I am.