back from ME

Well, back from my "vacation" and feel like I need another one. Much to do and much to catch up on but I think I'm starting to just give up. I'll do what needs to get done and hopefully what I do will be "good enough."

It was so good to be back on that old campus again and it was so good that I kinda got teary-eyed from time to time--even this morning when I rode the bus in to work because I was reflecting on my short time there. I've been given so many good gifts and I know it. But I don't really like having to keep saying goodbye to people I care about. That's just the story of my life, sigh.

A Malay view of race in Malaysia

all my fault

My flight to the East Coast is scheduled to depart on Thurs, 6:30am, and I'm still fiddling with my syllabus for my class in the fall quarter which begins NEXT WEEK, and I'm still writing my seminar paper which has to be in circulation NEXT WEEK. And, I after I send out my seminar paper to my group and anyone else interested in the paper (these things are public, so sometimes people ask for our papers but don't show up to the discussions, they are such _ssh_les), I have to write a 20-minute oral presentation for the week after.

I don't know how I get myself into these things!!!!!! I don't think I can finish all this work in a timely manner. What did I do this summer???

I'll bring work on my trip east, where I am scheduled to be part of an alumni panel on choosing academia. The proper answer to the question is, of course, "don't."

i knew it

When I came in to work today, I looked at my lunch box of leftovers and I thought, hmm, maybe I should put it in the fridge in the dept lounge. I don't always do that because it usually stays cool until lunch anyway. Sigh. The grad students are back for TA prep and someone's holding a TA meeting in the lounge so I can't get at my food!!

I think I'm starting to become less productive now for reasons unrelated to hunger but I still really would like to get at my lunch.

Working Class Zero

Yeah, uh-huh. This is why history is important.

Update

Oh dear, I just fell asleep on the couch in my office without meaning to . . . for two hours. And I still feel tired.

I really should be working

But instead, here are pictures of the peach I'm eating. Kinda gross, huh??!

Yesterday, K and I had lunch and discussed a book that we're reading together. Actually, it is more like a one-on-one tutorial for which I am incredibly grateful because she is teaching me to read more carefully and slowly. It took us three hours to talk about three of the 43 pages we agreed to read last week. And since we didn't get around to talking about the other 40 pages, we are re-reading the pages we didn't discuss so that we can talk about them the next time we meet.

The book is 624 pages long.

I don't think either of us expects to finish the book before I leave especially if we can only read during our "time off" and meet on weekends but the point is for me to learn how to read rigorously on my own.

I need time off from my weekend!

FRIDAY!!!

I am tired. Can barely get any writing done today. Note to self: save mindless work for Fridays and try to get as much writing done between Mon-Thurs. I can also feel my body starting to hold in stress again. Tomorrow will be a heavy reading day in preparation for the discussion over lunch on Sunday. Must be more mindful to not be anxious but in everything, present my petitions . . . .

Dinner with friends tonight, and I'm glad I'm not hosting this time. I'm very much looking forward to picking up something delightfully rich and calorific at the grocery store on my way over to A's apt. He's Italian and has promised to cook "wonderful pasta," so I can't wait! It'll be interesting to see if I will fit into my "work clothes" when school starts in a couple of weeks, sigh.

huh?

I just worked from 9am-12pm but have nothing to show for it. Sigh. Academia requires its subjects to delay gratification on many counts. Well, I'm off to pick up my bus pass for the fall (a good 20 minute walk because the office is further away) and then on to my afternoon's allotment of work which will hopefully yield more visible and tangible results.

Skipping badminton this evening because I'm a little behind in my "leisure reading," i.e. the pre-reading I have to do before K and I get together to discuss a chapter from a book this Sunday afternoon. Hopefully I'll be able to finish the chapter itself on Saturday after I get back from my chiropractor's. I'm seeing a doctor who is about an hour away because he uses similar methods as my chiropractor in Ithaca.

Strangely enough, I am really happy this week and time has just gone by much faster than I would like. Multiple deadlines coming up in a few weeks!!!!!

Starting off the week by being inspired and convicted by an act of prophetic courage.

I think I've been feeling far too sorry for myself than it is healthy. Need to learn how to pay attention to my emotions and not repress them but I also don't want to be narcissistic. Figuring this out drives me a little crazy though.

amazing

Time for some good news, and this story is truly inspirational. Except for the fact that I can't work with my hands for nuts.

back up on the roller coaster

Little things are making me glad that for the week, or the start of it at the very least. My mentor here has looked over the new book abstract and likes it too and she made a few suggestions which tells me she read the document quite carefully. I do have to revise the abstract a little more and herein lies the difference between my mentor here whose research area is closer to mine and my 18th C person. I adore both women, btw.

In her email to me, my mentor here commented,"What a difference a year makes!" So, while I may not have published an article as another postdoc did, I can choose to be thankful for the progress I have made this year. The abstract will be the blueprint for what I hope to get done in the next year or so and it will help me to have input on the blueprint before I go on to read and write more extensively. I think my mentor here wants me to get it done within the year but I'll be amazed if I manage to finish 3/4 of the project by the end of next summer.

I know I'm always too hard on myself and I can sometimes be too sensitive about criticism but it is true that I have to do a lot of catching up, especially intellectually. (Criticism doesn't make me angry and I'm usually very thankful for any that I get, but it often affects me emotionally as well.) It has taken me so long to figure out how others write well and now, I have to figure out how to write well myself. This is my goal for the year and it's going to be incredibly difficult but if I do succeed in some measure, I'm going to be very, very happy.

I was also pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the salad I made for lunch. I usually don't like lettuce-based salads and much prefer baby spinach but I had to use up the extra lettuce that didn't get used when I cooked for friends last weekend. Tossing shallots, pine nuts, and a boiled egg into the lettuce was really easy to do and it was yummy too. That's good news since there's more lettuce in the fridge.

Eagleton, Terry. Reason, Faith, & Revolution: Reflections on the God Debate. New Haven: Yale University Press, 2009.

Prominent British literary critic Terry Eagleton makes it very clear that he doesn't take the resurrection or God to be true but it's interesting to see him defend Christianity against critics such as Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens (whom he shortens to "Ditchkins" in his lectures, also the basis for the book) on the basis of logic and political belief. He's got a pretty good reading of the person of Christ so far. I just started on this so I can't say very much about it yet but I did come across a funny passage.

"Now I would be reluctant to label the account of Christian faith I have just given liberation theology. All authentic theology is liberation theology. Nor am I necessarily proposing it as true, for the excellent reason that it may very well not be. It may be no more plausible than the tooth fairy. I should add, however, that holding views like this is an excellent strategy for anyone wishing to get rid of all their friends and colleagues at a stroke, provoking as they do irritation from the secular left and outrage from the religious right. Left-wing Christians are in dire need of dating agencies" (Eagleton 32-33).