Pedagogy and mentoring

I think I've been lucky--sometimes--to have had really wonderful mentors in my life. Everyone's always so busy, of course, so I'm always thankful for every little bit of time I can get from Person X or Person Y. I've been teaching for a few years now too but as a grad student and postdoc, my students usually stayed with me for only one or two semesters at a time before I or they moved on. Teaching usually gives me pleasure but I've not had the opportunity to develop the best kind of mentoring relationships I've been in as someone who is mentored. That is, I've not mentored someone the way I've been mentored (in the best possible ways, I mean).

This might change now that I'm more or less settled in one institution--for as long as they want me!--but I'm also not sure how I feel about becoming a mentor. I just bumped into the chair of my dept right outside my office, and she told me that she's been hearing good things from my MA students this semester. And well, I'm suspicious as always when I hear compliments, and somewhat relieved. But I'm also alarmed at the thought of having to be a mentor in the future. Can I afford to be as vulnerable as some of my mentors have been when I'm not quite as smart as those who have mentored me?

I don't think my mentors are perfect. In fact, what most alarms me about the mentoring relationship is that you do learn to see one's mentor's weaknesses. My mentors were a lot older, smarter, and more established when they became my mentors, and I cannot possibly be anything like them, so their vulnerabilities reveal less than what mine might reveal..... Sigh.

more on the fun stuff

I took the gov water center's beginner's course and assessment this weekend, and I passed!!!! It was a two-day course and on the first day, I found that I could do very little of what I had previously learned, and I'm not sure why. I almost decided against going to the second day of the course because I was so sure I would fail the test in the afternoon, but I couldn't give up because my brother and a couple of my friends had signed up together as a group. I couldn't give up because I was the only girl in the group.

Anyway, I gritted my teeth and prayed hard for light winds, and thank God that we did have light winds, and also that by the afternoon, I finally understood what I was doing. My arms and back are very sore and tired from having to haul and rehaul the sail every time I lost my balance and fell into the water. But I think I'm going to keep going when I can and hope that I don't forget what I learned this weekend! Renting gear from the gov centers is much cheaper AND they include wetsuits for the winter too, so it makes sense to learn this sport now. At about USD 4 an hour for a rig and wetsuit? That's a pretty good deal.

Teaching moves apace but publishing is still very slow. By the end of October, I need to send off an essay for a small book collection (published by a minor press) but I haven't started writing it!!!

Am I happy? I think so. I am happy most of the time, and as some of you have pointed out, that's as much as anyone of us can hope for. ;)

oh boy

I think I have a good life but I always seem to be complaining! Well, here I go again....I'm tired!! Managed to get a windsurfing workshop this weekend, and since it is taught by instructors at the gov center here, the fees are cheap and we're lucky to actually get an appointment. But now I'm so tired that I'd like to back out but if I don't do it now, I won't get to do it until next summer! Taking this course will also enable me to rent windsurfing boards from the gov at about $3 an hour, which is much cheaper than the private centers. But after this weekend, who knows when I'll have the energy to go windsurfing?? Plus, now that the weather is cooler, I'd have to buy a wetsuit .... sigh.

I'm sure it'll be fun, I just hope I won't fall sick after the weekend.

story from the classroom

I wanted to put this on FB but decided against it. Last night, I barely held back the giggles when one of my MA students introduced himself as "Frosty." I was taken back enough when another student introduced himself as "Swift," but when "Frosty" said his name, I was facing the entire class and I can't remember if I managed to keep a straight face but I'll pat myself on the back for not laughing out loud at that point. I giggled my way to sleep after class though.

good morning

I am starting the day with peace. I have no answers, but I do have peace. A friend shared with me a piece that she used to sing with her choir:

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.

i need a vacation

I can't believe how busy the last couple of weeks have been and I'm hoping to finally settle into a rhythm soon. We all dread the first couple of weeks of school and I think that it's usually better once we get used to our schedules but at this point, I wonder if that is just wishful thinking or even a delusion I've convinced myself is true. This semester is brutal because I have 50 students in my MA class, and 40 in the undergrad class. (Both classes are full.) Next semester, the class that is capped at 50 is already full, but the class that is capped at 40 has low enrollments. I've been told I need to up it a little but haha, a part of it wants me to keep that low so that I won't have as much grading to do!!!!

a jealous god

I've always struggled to understand the notion of a jealous God.

What does it mean to worship a God who is capable of feeling

jealousy?

I think I'm learning now what it means....what joy! How 

amazing and wonderful that the God I love is a jealous God!

--- 

Daily Meditation for August 15, 2010
                written by Henri Nouwen
 
_........................................................._
 
Protecting Our Hiddenness
 
If indeed the spiritual life is essentially a hidden

life, how do we protect this hiddenness in the midst 

of a very public life?   The two most important ways

to protect our hiddenness are solitude and poverty. 

Solitude allows us to be alone with God. 

There we experience that we belong not to people, not 

even to those who love us and care for us but to God 

and God alone.  Poverty is where we experience our 

own and other people's weakness, limitations, and 

need for support.  To be poor is to be without 

success, without fame, and without power.  But there 

God  chooses to show us God's love.
 
Both solitude and poverty protect the hiddenness of our
lives.

---

Every now and then, people will say something like, "Oh,

we should go back to the fervor we felt when we first

discovered Christ's love! New Christians are so much

more passionate than those of us who have been 

Christians for much longer." I think that's a crazy-

making idea. The myth that new Christians are the 

"most passionate" rings untrue for me, even when it is

said precisely to encourage those new Christians. 

I would not go back to that time for anything.

This isn't to say those times were bad, but I am so much

in awe of what God has done, I am so much

in awe of how He speaks to me now, and I can't wait to see 

what the future will be like!

CS Lewis was very wise. In one of the Narnia books--can't 

remember which one--Lucy meets Aslan after a long separation

and she remarks in surprise, "You've grown bigger!" Aslan then

replies, "You'll find that I grow bigger as you grow bigger" 

(my own poor paraphrase). 

Well, maybe I should be more sensitive and encouraging to 

others around me. I just need to figure out how to be that

without saying things I don't think are true! 

masih keliru

I think I'm noticing a pattern to the periods when I have felt "happiest." I hope I'm wrong though. It's too early to go public with these thoughts and I'm sure that in the future, when I look back at this post, I'll kick myself for being so vague that even I can't remember what these thoughts are! But I just had to write something about it even if I can only be vague at this time.

Let's just say that happiness has to do with being in certain kinds of friendships. Even this may be a bit too much to post but oh well. Some people who know me well may guess what I'm talking about so please don't post the answer in the comments section, just send me an email!!!