nice encouragement

I won the M*ses C*it Tyl*r prize for best undergraduate or graduate essay in the fields of American history, literature, or folklore!

Well, I was really pleased and proud until two of my friends asked if it was a C*rn*ll prize, or . . . . Okay, fine, it's only a C*rn*ll prize and not a national competition or anything like that. I was still really happy, okay, sorry it's not good enough for you. Whatever.

spring!

We haven't had much of a spring this year, but there were quite a few blooms around. See the pictures here. This is a much lighter post than the last one. :)

Graduation is this weekend, but I won't be walking in the procession this year. I'll come back next year and my mom says she wants to attend it too. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the other alums who are coming back this weekend for Wesley's wedding which is on Saturday!

dark clouds

I really hope my emotional state now is a result of having to write the dissertation so quickly. I'm still stuck on Ch 4. I wrote one sentence on Sat and decided not to look at it again. Took today off too. I'm hoping against hope that my brain will be able to work again tomorrow.

Saw "Prince Caspian" yesterday and really enjoyed it. The actor who played Prince Caspian was all brawn, not much brains though.

I had a long conversation with a friend a couple of days ago and I realized that in my mind, sound judgment and love are linked. In other words, if someone has bad judgment or is foolish, that means what or whom they love must also be wrong or unwise; therefore, their love cannot be trusted.

Premise 1: X made a foolish decision (or even many foolish decisions).
Premise 2: X loves me

Therefore, X is foolish to love me.

This is a false belief that I have to break away from because we are all at some point foolish or unwise and we make mistakes. I know from my own life that I've grown much intellectually, and yes, in wisdom, and that I have far more to learn. I need to show grace to myself and to people around me--we can only grow as fast as grace allows (Brother Lawrence, via Unc P).

We are all fallen and susceptible to making wrong decisions and if I do not break away from this false belief, then I will never trust anyone's love for me.

I'm really tired and really homesick.

rain . . . sigh

Rain is good for the grass and other living things but I wish it would rain at night. I need more sun!!! And it would be nice to have more warm weather!!! It's May!! (I am thankful, however, that we don't get tornadoes, cyclones, earthquakes, or wildfires.)

I turned in a rough draft of Ch 4 . . . a grand total of 13 pages. AAAAAGGGGHHH.

Thankfully, Prof L got back to me this morning saying that it does look fine, and she also offered suggestions for how I might frame the chapter. I guess I just have to keep my shoulder to the plough and nose to the grind. And hope that I don't get too much blood on myself or the people near me.

I want to be like Prof L when/if I grow up to be a teacher!

A couple of my office-mates are having a barbecue tomorrow night! Fun! They live in an apt close to the lake too, so I can't wait! I hope we have a beautiful sunset.

nice end to the day

T-house had a little celebration for graduating students and they invited me to be a part of it even though I'm no longer a house member. I was very glad to be there as I got to see everyone's sweet, funny, caring sides. It reminded me that I had very good experiences during my time there. And it's always nice to have closure. :)

Still in the Quagmire

Chapter Four is still going incredibly slowly. No focus. No direction. No good feelings about the novel or the chapter. No pages.

I'm also wondering what my life would've been like had I made different decisions. And I'm wondering if life will indeed be much better after I file the dissertation?