the weekend needs to start now.....

Yesterday, I gave a 2-hr lecture, and after that about 10 students held me back for 30 mins for more questions and discussions. That has never happened before and I don't think I have the energy to do that every week, but I love seeing students engage with difficult ideas. If I had to give myself a grade as a lecturer, yesterday's performance would be a B at best, but those few students turned that class into an A! I'm the lucky duck.

I'm also learning a few lessons on the badminton court. I don't have the energy to blog about that now and hopefully I won't forget them too soon!

intense

I had lunch with my homegroup leader today and it was immensely helpful. She helped me see how I was starting to get cross-eyed from chasing my tail as I tried to figure out a few issues in my head. Sometimes it does help to get an outsider's perspective on things and she had very useful suggestions for how I might approach the problem. She noticed that I'm perhaps relying on myself too much and that I need to relax and trust that God is in control. I didn't think I was relying on myself too much....after all, I think that I'm not doing enough! But I will try trusting God a little more just to see what happens. 

well-meaning

Do you have well-meaning friends who take the time and trouble to give you good advice but sometimes it feels misdirected? I'm thinking of a sweet old friend who recently suggested that I check out a popular Bible study group guide (BSF, for those of you in the church circles) and I'm thinking, "Are you for real?" Something like that would put me to sleep and make me impatient with Christianity.

It's like someone saying to a health-freak, "Hey, have you heard of granola bars? You should try them, they are a really health way to snack!" Sure, granola bars are probably better than potato chips or candy corn but fyi, granola bars, especially the commercial kinds, are terrible for you because they have a ton of corn syrup in them. So if you're trying to snack healthy, and you absolutely love granola bars, do yourself a favor and grab the kind made by an organic company and check the label to see how much sugar it has. Better yet, just eat a piece of fruit!! (I carry organic granola bars for hiking trips when fruit is too squishy or heavy to carry around.)

Okay, so maybe BSF isn't best compared to a granola bar and I'm sure courses like Alpha and BSF are great for some people but I prefer to read actual books. I get enough of talk in my work.

If you've never seen candy corn before, here's a picture. I liked them in college but the thought of eating a single candy corn gives me a headache. (My poison of choice is potato chips.)

hangovers

I don't drink and I don't party but my weekends are busy enough that I am barely functional when the week starts off. Gotta slow down.

confession

If I can't explain a concept to my HK undergrads, it means I don't understand it. Luckily, I don't have to explain Levinas to them.

so far to go

A few things I think I need to work on in this season of life:

1. Learn to speak out of conviction in humility, kindness, peace, patience, gentleness, and kindness.
2. Learn to be patient as others walk with God. If I can only grow as fast as grace allows, others do too!
3. Learn to wait on the Lord as he continues to speak to me about how to use my gifts, and where to use them. The answer may not come for awhile, and in the meantime, I am to be faithful in the context within which I've been placed.

And no, I'm not being hard on myself. I'm actually quite calm and peaceful about my life right now.

Soli deo gloria.

the tango

One step forward, two steps back....Had a great weekend of friendship, rest, play, and TV, and I felt like I was on a roll. Then Monday comes and I feel like a failure all over again. Grumble, grumble, moan.

My readings on women's role in the church over the last week or so, and the sermon I listened to this morning, have made me think again about the question of calling, gifts, and life direction. That is to say, I have no direction, I think I'm using my gifts, but I don't know what my calling is. I do enjoy teaching, especially when they are liberal arts college type classes, i.e. small, engaged, and intense, but I am currently struggling with the writing portion of my job. This is a bit of a concern since I do need to publish to keep an academic job. But a part of me also wonders if there are other things I'd like to do. I don't have any answers now and I'm not stressing out about it. I'm just going to let those thoughts percolate for awhile.

next week

This week was relatively quiet because I cut down on badminton and social sessions, but oops, next week looks busy again with dodgeball, badminton, lunch, a movie, church home group, etc. I think I'm going to need to have a quiet week after a busy week. I don't like it when there are too many people around me!!

poopy face

Recently, a friend said some things that really hurt me. That friend may not have meant to hurt me but sometimes I wonder why people are not more careful with their words. Surely everyone knows that certain topics or issues are hurtful so why turn those things into a joke? Friendship does not mean one can be rude or take liberties with another person's feelings. My way of dealing with this problem is to avoid the friendship for awhile until I can go back. I don't trust myself to say anything right now.

But I learned two lessons yesterday that are precious to me for the simple fact that they came in a quiet whisper. (No, I didn't hear an audible whisper, but these thoughts brought peace and calm with them.) Some lessons come with thunder and lightning, and these ones were gentle:

1. I realized that I felt like a boat being tossed about in the storm all over again. Then a little voice said: "But when Jesus walked on water, he did it in a storm."

2. Women let the world fix their worth too much. Popular culture shapes normative ideas of feminine beauty (shape, size, height, accoutrements, etc.), and consequently, they fix our value as women too because they tell us that we are valued based on how attractive we are to men. But those aren't biblical values at all, and it really irks me when Christian women friends reproduce those beliefs or assumptions in their friendships. Really, I don't need to hear it from you. Sigh. What does it mean to be a woman of God?