End of 2013

Someone, please peel me off the couch.

Looking Ahead

Over the last couple of days, I realized that I couldn't remember what 2013 was about. And as I looked through my blog posts, a lot of them have been about baddy! Of course, I don't always write about what matters to me, so this blog only records particular kinds of pictures. But it's still pretty telling. This year has been remarkable for what baddy has taught me, but it has also been remarkable for the spiritual lessons I've been learning through the Christian faculty seminars I've been to this year. They remind me to rest in God's vision for me as a human being, and that makes life a lot saner and happier.

Baddy and care group have taught me how little I know about relating to others--and yes, I will venture to say that HK culture is strange--and how I need to "rel-a-a-a-x-x-x....." (And why others won't learn to be more efficient and responsible, I'll never know!) Some of the girls in my care group have taken the time to explain why I need to relax. So, if an event is "social," i.e. not work-related, everyone's not going to be on top of things and may not schedule a date, time, location until the very last minute. Plus, they may not give you all the proper info such as the best way to get to the location, or how long the event will last because, well, it's for fun and everyone wants to just kick back and take it easy.

Sure, that works, except when you're someone like me who tries to pack too many things in her schedule and ends up inconveniencing other people I'm meeting after event X or Y because I got the wrong info, or because I have to miss events because I already agreed to something else for that evening. Or, more annoying, I have to reschedule with other parties so that I can do all I want to do. Plan, people, plan! Life is short!

Now, I'm learning to say to myself, it's okay to miss a few things or to be late to an appointment because I should "rel-a-a-a-x-x-x....." like almost everyone else.

Anyway, I'm learning. Slowly.

More on resolutions another time.

brains are mush

Finally graded all the undergraduate papers. Cannot bear to look at the drafts by graduate students. Can no longer think. Read some Anne Lamott, and she reminds me of my crazy American friends.

It's really cold here at nine degrees Celcius, especially because we don't have central heating or insulation.

2013 has been a blur to me. Maybe it'll get better with a bit more rest? At some point, maybe, I'll look back at 2013 and think, wow, I was so young! (And foolish.)

birthday party

Not sure how my friend took this picture of us on my phone, but I'm glad to have it. Fun picture!! Just don't look at it too long or you'll feel sick.

putting up guards

Colossians 4:5-6 (The Message)
Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don’t miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.

As wonderful as some of my non-Christian friends are, I need to learn to be more careful about what I share with them. Esther Hu was right all those years ago. At some point, we will disagree very strongly on how to approach problems and issues, and this can make for very contentious moments especially when a friend feels as if I disregard her advice and viewpoints. Uhm, sorry, but it's my life and I have to live with the consequences of my choices. I value other viewpoints but just because I decide on a solution that she does not agree with does not make me inflexible. 

Life and its curveballs. Happy advent.

winding down

On another note, now that writing lectures is over and I'm not in the thick of grading just yet (dumb, I should've made my due dates a lot earlier, like the rest of my colleagues!), I finally have time to recenter. 

Why do I do what I do? 

(Because it makes us all more human, the way God designed us to be.)

Why should I work hard?

(Because I should work as unto the Lord, and thankfully, God wants us to take breaks.)

Fingers crossed that this Christmas will be a fun one!

-----

And I am thankful for this post! I need to learn to fail up!! I like the follow up post too. Self-help articles are not always good, but some of them can be really insightful.

For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”

However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker,  that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1.    Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3.    Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

cryptic messages

I recently made a decision that I'm sure a student found surprising, but I cannot explain to him why I responded the way I responded. Poor guy. I couldn't think of a better excuse than the one I gave him, so he may think that I'm not being very supportive. But.....it was a political decision to protect myself. There's a very high chance that I did not need to protect myself, and that it doesn't matter anyway, but well, I was very busy when I made my decision, so, oh well! Oy vey. Things look different from the other side!

Teach, teach

Sometimes, I really have to work hard to remind myself not to take things personally even when others make it really hard for me to not take things personally. Hey, I was young once too, and I probably annoyed and lashed out at people I respect and care about, right?

Anyway, here's a great comic on teachers and their work.

toxicity

Unfortunately, you really need to identify people who are toxic in your life and keep them at arm's length. Toxic people are those who expect you to give while they offer you nothing in return. They assume that by allowing you to serve them and their needs, they have granted you the biggest favor in the universe. After all, you should be grateful for the opportunity to be in their august presence!

I hope I never become a toxic person to someone else.

remnants of Typhoon Haiyan

The devastation in the Philippines sounds surreal. How can a storm do so much damage? We're getting the last bits of Typhoon Haiyan today and tomorrow, but that means only Force 4-5 winds and some rain. I'm really thankful that HK does not have a history of landslides or whatnot because HK island at least is all hill!

Can't wait for the semester to end. I have a lot of wonderful students this semester, but I am pretty tired of teaching.

Beach day

I really should go to the beach more. I feel tired out from being out in the wind and sand.

on work

Is there such a thing as an easy job? You know, jobs that don't give you a headache? I'd like to sign up for one, please.

time to rest

The fall competition season is over! I'm taking a two week break from baddy to rest my elbow, but as it doesn't seem to hurt when I go to the gym, I think I can still keep in shape that way.

Now, to focus on work and rest. And a bit more church stuff. Lots to do at work this month.

sigh

I feel like I must have posted this video before, but here it is again: a really cool TED talk on vulnerability, given by a sociologist.

system shutting down

I am going to do the minimum for the next month or so. I'm going to exercise as little as I possibly can in order to do well during our last two matches for the season, and then after those two matches, I'm going to take 7-10 days off from exercise to give my arm a chance to recover. It's only a little sore now and I can still play but I want to let it rest for a bit after the season.

My social life has always taken a back seat, so no surprises or changes there. And sorry, students, I have to put less into lecture-writing too because I have so much grading, dammit!

The minimalist. Bye bye world, I need a break from life.

more on lessons

I'm learning these days that problems don't always have to be solved right this minute, you know, the right after I find out there's a problem and I'm still panicking no breaths just want to scream kind of right this minute. Problems need to be solved, yes, and sometimes, being quiet is the best first step to problem-solving.

common grace

Learning grace from a non-C. There's this ____ who has been mean to me for more than a year now. Well, she's stand-offish with most people but I feel like I've been at the brunt of it. Anyway, Sarah said, look, just keep saying goodbye to her at the end of practice even if she ignores you twenty times. One day, she will have to say goodbye back, and even if she doesn't, at least you will have been polite, and she's the one who is rude. Seventy times seven, anyone?

I'm really learning a lot, eh?

that Asian thing

I hate it when Asians go, "Oh, so and so is so much better in _________" or "So and so never ________" in an attempt to manipulate your behavior. Eff off, yo, just eff off. 

practice and smoothies

There's less and less drama during baddy practice, especially when Big Cal is around to run the drills. Then, I can just focus on drilling too and he handles the prickly girls who still see me as an object of resentment. (Really? You think I want to do this??) But I'm learning a lot about baddy, and I'm also learning more about how to relate to others. I'm not sure if the latter is always worth the time and energy.

I'm also making smoothies with my cheap and loud six-blade blender. Since I'm too lazy to follow recipes, my smoothies are hit or miss. I find that I don't love grapefruit or lemon in my smoothies because they tend to be bitter. Last week, I made a yummy smoothie with soymilk, avocado, and spinach. I've also managed to cut down on potato chips, but now I'm really craving a burger and fries!

Typhoon usagi

Waiting out the typhoon at a friend's place

boat trip

Seduced by wealth and decadence.....

Steak dinner

Thankful for good friends who are good cooks!

grace, and grace again

I have always been on the receiving end of grace, especially from the older folks in my life, or from guy players who are much better than I am. Now, I'm called on to show grace to others, especially those younger in age and/or in maturity, and it's much more difficult than I ever imagined it to be.

Over the past few months, I've been thinking about quitting, and I still think about it a few times a week. What's going on? What will God teach me through this time?

visitors

When I was in college, I worked at several jobs on campus, and one of them was at the college store. I was a cashier and became really close to the ladies who ran the store. They took me into their homes for the holidays, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even Spring Break. Becky took me to her father's and stepmom's house in NH for a weekend when they had a family gathering, so I became friends with her father and stepmom too. This past summer, friends of Becky's parents came to HK for a few days, so I took them around for a few hours. This is a picture of me helping Susan buy some fruit. I'm wearing the blue shirt.

reception for first year students

Yes, I'm in there somewhere.

Desperation Band, Strong God

new school year

When school begins, I truly realize just how busy my schedule is! Must slow down!!!!! 

the world keeps shifting under my feet

Last week, the team manager of my club made me captain of the women's team for our upcoming tournament, but he did so without my agreement. We haven't had captains in our club, but we will begin taking turns to be captain. Unfortunately, this has not been made clear, but I announced it in a group email this morning. 

People who play on a team will probably understand how annoying team dynamics can be. This club is as political as others. I've only been captain for a week, and I'm already tired. 

The members of the Sports Fellowship Committee for church shares prayer requests, and I've asked them to keep me in prayer because I am inexperienced as far as competitions go, and I am also a fairly new addition to the club. Developing my own skills as a player is already enough work without adding on this extra burden of organizing practice and the lineup, and to motivate the team members to come for practice! There are a few girls who are incredibly immature, and they make it really hard for me to do my job, and they make it hard for our other team members too. 

Please pray that I will have wisdom, patience, and the ability to love others at the club. And please pray that God will refine my character through this challenge. I do need to learn to be more patient.

Pollution

Horrible!

Last days of summer

Getting ready for the junk trip!

Cloudy day at the office

numbers

This semester, I will also have about 75 papers to grade. I am not looking forward to this.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I will finally cave and get a smartphone. I just have to find time to go buy a phone and get started on a cheap and slow data plan. I hardly watch HD videos while I'm stationary, so I won't need a fast connection when I am on the MTR. I just hope slow internet will get me connected to Tunein Radio!

on my mind

I think it's time that I actually finish NT Wright's Evil and the Justice of God.

PS - Cambodia

Nathan, from World Relief, reminded us that we are to pray light into darkness, and to focus on the hope that God is bringing to those who are suffering. This was a really important reminder as a few of us were getting overwhelmed by the enormity of the problems to which we were introduced.

So much to learn.

back from Cambodia

In the past, I felt that going on a mission trip makes one "holier" or "more close to God"; I was wrong then, and I still don't think it's true now. I hope my note does not make anyone feel that way! This trip put a human face on the stories I've read about the sex trade, and that was the most moving part of my experience.

The team that went to Cambodia was larger than expected (34 ppl!) so the team was split into two after the first three days: one team stayed in Phnom Penh (PP) for the whole week, and the other team went to Siem Reap (SR) for three days before rejoining us. I was with the PP team. The SR team partnered with one local organization, White Doves, while the PP team were introduced to many different organizations. The two experiences were quite different because the SR team managed to engage more deeply with one community while the PP team saw different kinds of work that are being done to combat the sex trade.

The breadth of sexual exploitation is horrific in Cambodia. We heard stories from workers inInt'l Justice Mission and Agape Int'l Missions about how they investigate and trail paedophiles who fly to Cambodia specifically to find children who are often prostituted by their fathers, mothers, or grandmothers.

We learned that some of the kids who go to Agape church's kid's club are also trafficked, and seeing the faces of these kids in the church was emotionally difficult. The church cannot stop it unless they abduct the kids and forcibly keep them apart from their families, so they focus on investigating paedophiles (usually foreigners) who come to their community and setting up social enterprises to provide well-paying work and discipleship. 

IJM and World Relief do prevention work like trying to change the country's laws and educating villagers about how traffickers lure their victims. We spent a whole day going about with different World Relief workers in the slum villages where children and their families live in and about garbage. I was very moved by one of our meetings with a cell church there because the women we met with had so little, but they wanted so much to bless us.  

Daughters of Cambodia, Sak Saum, and Precious Women provide care and restoration to survivors of the sex trade, and this includes intensive counseling as well as providing well-paying work in the social enterprises they have set up themselves. DC and Sak Saum were a hit with our team, and are definitely worth checking out online. The girls in our team could not stop shopping at their stores!

I loved touring their workshops and seeing some of the men and women survivors who work there help me remember that these are not just theoretical ideas. There are many, very real, human beings who have been deeply hurt and broken.

Agape Int'l Mission also has a workshop in Svay Pak (the village where they are situated) to provide work for survivors, and they would love it if you could order your church t-shirts from them! I've seen some of their bracelets and t-shirts, and they do very good work. In all these organizations, the survivors are paid a very good wage for Cambodia, so you can have peace of mind that these are fair-trade products.

This note is already too long, and I haven't even talked about Jumpah and Jehovah Jireh which are centers that focus on orphans and slum kids. This is where we "helped" the most and I could go on and on about the kids.....

During our trip, we heard not only success stories--and our God is a GREAT GOD who does mighty work!!--but also about how these ministries often fail. It is difficult for adults to leave the sex trade if they have been trafficked as children because they feel they are dirty, useless, and unwanted. The people who work in these ministries know that they can do the work they do only because of God's strength and we felt the Holy Spirit move with them while we were there.

Would I go on another mission trip? I don't know what the future holds. But I would certainly like to be with a smaller team and I will not feel guilty about taking care of myself when the schedule is designed for extroverts!

My home remedies are helping with the cold I started coming down with on the last day of the trip, but I do still have a bit of a nagging cough.

reflections on (HK) life

Because I took on my first job here, I cannot always tell the difference between "adult life" and HK culture. Am I just seeing the world as it really is, or are these new befuddlements particular to this place and time? A good friend here sometimes says, "But z, it's like this everywhere," and sometimes, she says, "Yeah, that's so local." Sometimes, I'm not so sure she's always clear what is what, or which is which, either.

I think I'm learning another life lesson through badminton. In an earlier post, I noted that the politics of the club is making me unhappy, and that led me to ask, "Well, who is happy in this club, and why?" There are three kinds of people in my club:

1. Those who recognize that there is a hierarchy and are happy to submit to it. (They seem happy.)

2. Those who recognize that there is a hierarchy and don't want to submit to it. (They seem unhappy.)

3. Those who don't recognize that there is a hierarchy and therefore do not submit to it. (They seem unhappy.)

This certainly mirrors what I see happening in the workplace. Power and hierarchy are such a feature of human life, and no prizes for guessing why. Power and hierarchy are useful social constructions insofar as they help streamline processes within a group. Nothing would get done otherwise, and usually, those on top of the hierarchy are often given most of the work. When things go wrong, those at the top often--but not always--suffer the brunt of the fallout.

Like all things after the Fall, these aspects of life and relationship can bring great pain. It's no surprise then that so much of Euro-American intellectual history revolves around questions of governance and democracy. Great thinkers rightly deduce that individuals and communities cannot survive without addressing three prevailing truths about how God has created us: first, that we are all of value; second, that we are equally valued; and third, that we need live with one another, i.e. that we need to be in community.

What would Christ say to this? What would Christ say to me in the here and now of my own life? Is one able to build up genuine friendships under these circumstances? What is my role in this, and how should I conduct myself?

slowing down

I've been playing only once a week, and it doesn't look like I'll be able to schedule in more games than that. I'm getting antsy even though the crick in my neck tells me that rest will do me good. (I got it in my sleep, and not from over-use.)

The politics in the club is a little weird now, so that makes me less happy. Maybe I need to find a place where I can play and improve and be happy. I don't need to play in competitions and if taking that out of the mix will make me happier, then maybe that's what I need to do.

On another note, it is a hot summer day that is blessedly clear. The city sparkles on nights like this one. This picture does not do it justice.

Great idea

Had a mostly fun but somewhat stressful trip to France and Belgium. It became stressful when my credit card wouldn't work and I ran out of cash. Loved the murals on the walls in Brussels.

shared brokenness

I like this story that a friend posted on his blog. There's comfort in knowing that others understand how it feels to be broken, and Christ, above all, knows how it feels to be broken so he has that in common with us.

I asked God on Saturday night for healing and for intimacy. I still haven't heard voices of any kind, but I do feel more at peace now. He works with thunder and lightning in some people's lives, and sometimes I envy that. But I guess I can learn to be thankful for how quiet and gentle His presence is in my life.

the T word

You know what I like best about being a tourist? Not having any responsibilities.

scary

Every time we have to make a decision, the dept starts to fight. And while I understand why this one colleague of mine gets really angry, I also think said colleague needs to learn to deal with all that anger. I feel like I need to buy an energy crystal for my office after I read said colleague's emails!

Just to feel a little better myself, I have to look at pictures such as this one:

I don't like inside-pets, but who wouldn't at least want to sleep cheek by jowl with this puppy??

impressions

One of my friends from baddy told me last night that I need to be stronger or people will walk all over me. (Yes, competitive baddy on a club level is extremely political and complicated, go figure.) I almost laughed in her face because people usually find me fierce.

I'd like to think that I am learning to be meek on court. It's harder to be meek in other areas of life, but this is a step in the right direction.

I joined a new home group last August, but took a break during the spring semester because my teaching schedule was overwhelming. The minute classes I ended, I was back with this home group, and I'm glad because I feel like I'm really connecting with them now. That is, I'm learning to be vulnerable with them. Horrors!

happy monday

Someone shared this pic on FB, and I just had to repost this. You can't help smiling when you look at this picture!!

more on sports

I help out at the church's sports fellowship, and we organizing sporting events for our congregation. It's a big church, and doing something fun together helps people meet other people and find friends, and we usually organize events that we enjoy doing too.

A few months ago, I roped in the team-manager/coach of my club to organize a badminton session for underprivileged kids with the help of a ministry in my church that helps with local charities in town (yes, that's how big the church is). Anyway, the contact person in that ministry just asked if our committee can help organize another event for underprivileged kids. Phew. I never thought of myself as an event planner.

always busy

Almost done with grading now, but this week, I have meetings and lectures to attend. As we are expected to respond to work that has been sent ahead of time, I have a lot of reading to do too. At least it will be better than grading, but wow, there's always so much to do.

Incidentally, the real feel of today's weather is 40 degrees Celcius!!!

more on baddy

Yeah, it's crazy how much I think about baddy these days. Outside of work, I spend most of my time on court, and even when I'm not on court, I think about baddy too. Part of it has to do with how I'm obsessed about making certain changes to my game and I drive myself nuts because I can't seem to change my muscle memory. (Years of playing a certain way will do that to you.) And a part of it has to do with what I'm learning about grace.

As a single woman, I'm always, always, always so thankful for my platonic guy friends. That I love my girl-friends goes without saying. But the world often doesn't recognize that we all need healthy relationships with folks of both genders. (I'll save that rant for another time.) On court, the guys--most of whom are way better than us girls--have been "yelling" at me because I play poorly, and I probably sound like a masochist, but I am so grateful to them. Because one cannot quickly change the way one's muscles work, they have to correct my form repeatedly, and that is grace on their part. Sometimes, I get yelled at so much that I feel demoralized and close to tears, but when I am able to think clearly, I know how privileged I am, and how my game will improve when I am able to institute these basic changes.

Last night, another woman was really struggling with her game because we were playing against a strong pair, and during our game, I realized I was starting to sound like Chi Wai, one of the men who has been helping me with my XD game. I parroted what Chi Wai says to me all the time: "It's okay, don't worry, just relax." "It's okay, it's just a game, no problem! Don't worry, just play." My friend's game slowly got better, and after that session she thanked me at least three times. When I checked Facebook after getting home that night, she had sent me a message with just two words. "Thank you."

I realized for the first time how extending grace to others in the club is important because I've been given so much myself. Of all the girls in our club, I get yelled at the most, so I know how terrible it feels to be a weak link in the team. But, I also know how amazing it is to have teammates who accept you as you are, but who also do the hard work of speaking truth into your life. That's community. And increasingly, I see how much grace is needed among the people with whom I play baddy. I don't see myself spending this much time on baddy in the future, but for now, it is teaching me so much about life and it gives me an opportunity to be blessed myself, and to bless others also.

Before bed, I finished a chapter of John Ortberg's Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them, and in the exercise section, he had a simple scale on which we can gauge how open we are to our communities, either care groups, family, or friends, etc. I was shocked to realize that I am the most open with by baddy community, followed by my care group here, and that I am the least open with my family. (I left out my close friends scattered all around the world.) What do I do with that?

"To know and be known--which had been the greatest joy of the human race--now becomes the greatest fear of the human race."

- John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them, on the consequence of the Fall.

over!

The league season is over now! Thank God.

Women's doubles: Bronze (happy)
Mixed doubles: Silver (heartbreak)

And now, grading hell begins. This time, it will take me quite awhile to get through everything.

crazy court time

Over the past few weeks, there have been occasions when I played badminton four days in a row. This is a far cry from how I had to be careful not to play two days in a row, and it means I'm learning a lot both about badminton, but also about how to keep centered too. My time on court is fun and fulfilling when I remember that I should be looking out for moments of grace, and that I should also offer grace when I can. This is sometimes surprisingly difficult.

We have two more weekends of matches and then we're done with the season. 

Voted!

Very proud to have voted for the first time in my life! This is also the first time in my life when M'sia has allowed postal voting. The process went fairly smoothly in Hong Kong, but I heard from a friend that she waited about 6 hrs to cast her ballot in London! I can't imagine what voting in M'sia will be like. The lines will be super-long, and that may discourage some voters.

Will be playing a lot of badminton over the next two weeks as we finish up the last rounds of the competition. At this point, we are playing round-robin matches in women's doubles which is fun because we get to keep playing even when we lose. I hope that's the same format in mixed doubles too because my match nerves--or the lack thereof--are getting to me.

Work is busy busy busy but I am starting to relax a bit because I have one more lecture to prepare for the rest of the academic year. It'll be time to get going on other kinds of work, but at least I no longer have that on my back.

gunkiness

Sick again! This is the second time I've been sick in 3 weeks. And this time, I am twice as congested. My meds are supposed to work for 12 hours but they seem to work for only about half that time when they do work at all. Temps have also been fluctuating like crazy.

Had a great if brief visit with relatives who went to Macau. My grannie likes to play roulette! Too cute. I think she won some.

I'd really like to be able to breathe again.....Antihistamines are not working!

phew!

I played badminton four days in a row, and each session lasted between 2-3 hours each. I am physically tired today, although my muscles don't seem to be sore, and my shoulder is keeping up too. I'll have a two day break before going back to the gym and then I hit the courts again on Saturday. I won't be playing as much in the coming week, sadly. I am tired now, but my mind craves the dopamine rush and that other kind of rush that comes from playing well with your partner. I can see how this is a form of addiction!! I feel so empty today.

I am too busy today and tomorrow to actually be able to do any exercise.

on learning

I love my friend's piece on how a non-profit center is making a difference in the lives of the children who hang out there. I'd like to schedule naptime into my classes but I'd lose my job.

last stretch

One more month of lecturing and then, it's grading hell! But on a more positive note, I had a pretty good Monday, and I am feeling better this week, so maybe I was just suffering from the after-effects of having to take Panadol Flu last week. They definitely put me to sleep during the night, but I spent my days trying to keep my eyes open too. This week, insomnia is back with a vengeance.

So, so, so tired.....I hope this is just due to this cold that won't go away.

Spring is here

Hong Kong's spring brings with it warmer weather and a lot of rain! We will continue to have rainstorms throughout the summer, so while the skies are a lot cleaner in the spring and summer, it can also be difficult to plan outdoor events. I hope to go on at least one junk boat trip this summer! I found myself on two boat trips the past two summers, and I thought I was really lucky to be on so many! Fingers crossed for at least one trip this year.

The past few weeks have been difficult for various reasons. And reading the news certainly does not help. My heart breaks for parents of young children, both boys and girls. The world is such a crazy and dangerous place, and it is still especially hard for girls and women. The parents of little boys have their work cut out for them if they want their boys to grow up to be godly men.

Getting a shot of dopamine either from being on court, or from a gym workout helps me feel grounded, but one of my colleagues from pharmacology joked that I may have an addiction to exercise. Well, as far as addictions go, I like mine a lot, and I don't think I'm overdoing it; I don't have time to over-exercise!

What else has been going on? Nothing that I can put on a blog for public consumption. Oh, sweet Jesus, come again, oh, come again.

found a new singer on a chinese radio channel

mortality

I received a message a few days ago notifying me that a good friend from college has passed away unexpectedly from unknown causes. All of us are in shock because she has seemed happy and healthy.

Unexpected deaths are difficult to process. I also learned that a friend is fighting cancer, and another friend has a brain tumor that luckily seems to be benign.

This has been a tough week.

Christian faculty retreat

We had a short Christian faculty retreat at HKU--no sleeping overnight, just sessions scheduled on Sunday afternoon and Monday morning--and it was fantastic. John Stackhouse and Ian Provan spoke, and they are both very gifted teachers who offered a holistic perspective on what it means to be Christian academics. They both begin with the premise that God made us to be human beings first, not "Christians," and therefore, our primary calling is to be human, not Christian. We will be able to live happy and full lives as academics if we live fully as human beings. Here are my brief summaries of what I learned in the sessions. I didn't write everything down, so what I have here is very selective. Their lectures were more humorous and well-designed then my simple renditions make them out to be.

"Our vocation is not more, or less, important than others."

From Ian Provan's sessions, I learned that the story of the Bible is the story of creation, the fall, and Christ's redemption. In all these threads, God has designed us to steward and care for the earth for the common good. God's mission in the redemption actually goes further than in his creation because we are to participate in the story of redemption. Fundamentally, the university is a part of that work because universities pursue truth and virtue, and the excellent pursuit of truth and virtue is a pursuit of the common good! Ian Provan demonstrated through his readings of scripture, especially in the Old Testament, that not only is there a design to God's story, but also that it is a beautiful one. He has a forthcoming book called "Seriously Dangerous Religion" and I would love to get it when it comes out!

"Being faithful to Jesus Christ means doing almost nothing for Him."

Making disciples is not hard, it is impossible. As teachers, we understand how tough it is to change our own students' minds, and that's when we're in a relationship where we are seen as teachers! The work of discipleship is the work that God does through us. We just have to keep in mind that the point of being a Christian is to be a "proper" human being, that is, to live as God designed us to live. The work of the university is to train people to be good citizens and free persons. This is the project of the liberal arts, and it is not in conflict with what God calls us to do. God will not let us fail in what He has called us to do. We may fail to do what we want to do, however! The university is a broken and flawed system, and anyone who works in a university knows that. However, God does not call us to fight everything, or correct everything. He calls us to do certain things in certain seasons, so we need to be attuned to what He wants us to do for that particular moment, day, or seasons, and to trust that He will give us the resources to do it.

I learned so much from these sessions, and was so relieved to hear about the struggles my other Christian colleagues go through because I can now see that these problems are not just mine alone. Both speakers affirmed that our vocation is a valuable one, and to hear it from other Christian academics was life-giving. I am also now convicted to attend the Christian faculty fellowship more regularly this semester.

woohoo!

My XD and WD teams are through the preliminary rounds! I am making a lot of mistakes during our matches and our WD team was lucky to win our match last weekend as all of us were making a lot of mistakes. This is pretty interesting! We were all very tired the day after though, especially since me and one other girl played our XD match the night before as well. The other girls are on the Grade D XD team while we're playing in Grade E.

Next week is reading week, and I can't wait for a bit of a break from lecture prep!

it never ends

Every week, I think to myself, "Okay, I need to free up my schedule so that I'm not always so busy." And then the following week turns out to be just as busy. I have a great life, and I enjoy having meals with friends, and playing badminton, and doing things at church. But I need more nights at home, watching TV on the couch.

And, p.s., I need to assign easier readings in my classes too.

post-CNY blues?

Got back last night and will be teaching tonight and tomorrow in the morning. I look forward to crashing on my couch this Sunday! There is no time difference, but I feel fatigued anywhere. Maybe being on a plane fatigues me?? One day, there will be scientific proof for this.

My break was restful--but I also had to prep for lectures from home--and I enjoyed seeing family and friends. After a week at home, I usually feel really terrible when it is time to leave even though I know that once I am on the plane, I will be fine. I'm not homesick now, but why is it so hard to leave home even though I've been away for about fifteen years now???

Weird.

favorite part of CNY celebrations

seeing into the future

I predict that I will spend most of the semester playing catch up. This is going to be a really tough semester.

Why am I leaving town during the lunar new year? Oh, right, because of family. Next year, I really have to say no. There's just too much to do during the semester!

shot in the arm

This week, five different students took the time to tell me that they like the way I teach. The last student to tell me this stopped me while I was at the gym yesterday, and boy, those side crunches were a lot easier after that! I hope this gives me enough energy for the entire semester!! Every morning when I wake up, I remind myself that God has given me enough time and strength to do what I need to do for the day.

of belated realizations

I've recently realized that gluten causes my skin to breakout, and that it is almost impossible to live gluten-free here because gluten is in almost all brands of soy sauce. I'm also crossing off spelt from my list of usable flours. 

ouch

I finally bit the bullet and went to the physiotherapy unit, and was told there that I need to take a break from all forms of exercise to allow my arm to recover. I think the entire clinic heard my exclamation of surprise. I went in thinking that my therapist would teach me better stretches (she did do that too), and I did not expect her to tell me that I cannot use my arm. Well, guess who's not telling her physiotherapist that she has an XD match on Sunday morning?

I also need to go back for several sessions of therapy. After my first session yesterday, my arm felt a lot looser and more relaxed....and also weaker. I don't think I can hold a racket right now. But, I won't be going to the gym or playing before Sunday's game, and luckily, after Sunday's match, I won't have another match until March, so I'll have time to let my arm heal. My arm already feels a little better after yesterday's treatment, and two days ago, the university finally installed a temporary keyboard drawer that allows me to work without putting stress on my wrist, arm and shoulder. (It only took them about four months to follow-up on my request.)

Once, when I was in college, I went to the health center for an appointment, and the nurse asked if I was an athlete. I said, yes, I play varsity squash, but why do you ask? She explained that women in general are more likely to put up with pain, and women athletes, even more so. The nurse said that they take female athletes very seriously when they complain about pain because it's more likely to be serious. I thought it was funny then, but I know better now.

I can't go into this in great detail now because I'm working on a new syllabus--classes start next week, yikes!--but I am very thankful for the church homegroup I've been attending the past five months. I learn a lot from the vulnerability and trust the group members show each other, and I learn a lot from the lessons they are going through right now. 

baddy, wow

I was super stressed before the women's doubles match, but we ended up doing fine. I'm now super stressed about the mixed doubles match. The games themselves are fun but I am often paralyzed by the fear of failure. My teammates have been great though, so I'm learning a lot. I'm certainly physically exhausted from playing too much last week, but the mental stress is taking a much larger toll. I need to either figure out how to be more relaxed, or quit playing in competitions.

I'm learning that I need to enjoy the game, and that playing each shot well is pleasurable on its own. I may not have a wide repertoire of shots right now, but I have enough so I should do what I can. Once more, I have to be patient as I can only grow as fast as grace allows.

It also helps to have kind and experienced teammates who do all they can to help me settle down in my playing style.

Update: I talked to an old, old friend about this and she said, "You stress out about everything! You're just a stressor!" Haha, yeah, I've come to that realization myself. I do need to figure out how to relax and have fun in life and work. After all, all I have to do is what God calls me to do, right? And He won't expect me to do what I am unable to do. (But, Lord, help me keep my job, haha.....)

nerves, nerves, nerves

We have our first women's doubles match this Saturday, and tempers are flaring. And no, it's not just mine!! At least two other people have gotten really mad over the past few days. I think the friend I told off last night understood why I was mad with what he did. I hope so. Our friendship will survive but boy, I know now that I can't always trust his judgment!

sons and daughters

This is a great blog post about what we all need to learn. Some of these lessons take a lifetime to learn.