unexpected

I was typing a message to Mar about how disoriented I feel after getting back, and I suddenly had the thought, "I love my life." That took me by surprise.

But despite all the anxiety and uncertainty, I have so much. That's pretty awesome.

travel

So hard to get back on schedule. Loved the break, and I felt like I really needed it. But it is hard coming back to work!

No travel until I get to a place where I need to be!

♡

Almost at the one year anniversary

It helped to hear about her last days. And I am not worried about him anymore.

Boat 1 of eight boats

Week three of my introduction to paddling.

Ten Years

I really wish I had caught this movie before it was pulled (abruptly, apparently). Now, I'm hoping I'll be able to catch one of the upcoming private screenings.

ugh ugh ugh

Every day seems to be a battle with stress. This is REALLY hard. Feeling constantly out of depth and confused is hard.

I need to keep in mind that this anxiety is built into the system on every level. But more than that, I need to be a Caleb too. Feisty, brave, faithful Caleb.

----

Update

And God responds by showing up in a big way. So glad to have time to chat with Sarah Will. in the evening. She totally understands what it means to do this work, and walks closely with God. Walking with God doesn't mean she doesn't struggle. She was very open about her fears, desires, and anger (she and Paul are going through a time of transition), but her love for God is still front and center of all of these.

When I first heard her speak last week, and at the beginning of our chat yesterday, I thought, "Oh dear, she's talking shop and I was hoping to be ministered to....." But both things happened. Both things can happen at the same time! It was also profound that I found it profound that God is interested in my intellect and wants even more than I do to see my intellect grow and flourish. To hear it from a Christian academic who loves God passionately means more than anything anyone else can say because she knows what the temptations and challenges are.

Their spiritual practices inform their work. For example, Sarah didn't just start a seminar series on religion in public life, she did that as an act of hospitality, to open up a space for conversation to take place. And in sessions in previous years, Regent faculty had talked about how important the human being is to God, and that part of our work is to see our students and colleagues the way God sees them, and to help them become fully human. That's an undivided life.

Sarah has two ways of reacting to situations:
1) Oh, this is wonderful, this is an encounter with God!
2) Oh, this is a challenge. It's an opportunity to be missional!

Again, this isn't because she wasn't real or open about her struggles. She struggles. But when her intellectual faculties kick in, they go into gear so that her mind returns God to the center, and He guides her responses. How amazing is that.

Later in the conversation, she asked me, "What is the Holy Spirit to you?" I thought she was joking but she waited in silence until I answered. And God showed up. He just did.

The point wasn't my answer. The point was God showing up.

He is amazing, and he is enough. He is enough!

Faith and Global Initiative

All day retreat with Christian faculty from universities in Hong Kong led by Paul and Sarah Williams at CUHK.

What am I choosing?
What am I valuing?
What am I yielding?

I am learning from these speakers to rethink how I think of freedom and choice. God calls us as individuals but he also calls us to be in relation with him and his people. I also like Paul's response to why we struggle so much--because it drives us to depend on him and the body of christ. If we are made completely whole, we might be tempted to be independent.

Both speakers are also calm and measured, and I feel like I am too anxious and rushed in comparison.

Desire for status and mastery are not part of God's design of the world because it dehumanizes others.

The sabbath is not a time of rest so that we can begin laboring again the next day. That's an instrumental view of the sabbath. Instead, the sabbath is a celebration of God's work, and it is a time we can play as an act of worship. When we go back to work the next week, we are joining in the work that God has already completed. What a wonderful view of God's work and how He calls us to participate in His work!