End of 2013

Someone, please peel me off the couch.

Looking Ahead

Over the last couple of days, I realized that I couldn't remember what 2013 was about. And as I looked through my blog posts, a lot of them have been about baddy! Of course, I don't always write about what matters to me, so this blog only records particular kinds of pictures. But it's still pretty telling. This year has been remarkable for what baddy has taught me, but it has also been remarkable for the spiritual lessons I've been learning through the Christian faculty seminars I've been to this year. They remind me to rest in God's vision for me as a human being, and that makes life a lot saner and happier.

Baddy and care group have taught me how little I know about relating to others--and yes, I will venture to say that HK culture is strange--and how I need to "rel-a-a-a-x-x-x....." (And why others won't learn to be more efficient and responsible, I'll never know!) Some of the girls in my care group have taken the time to explain why I need to relax. So, if an event is "social," i.e. not work-related, everyone's not going to be on top of things and may not schedule a date, time, location until the very last minute. Plus, they may not give you all the proper info such as the best way to get to the location, or how long the event will last because, well, it's for fun and everyone wants to just kick back and take it easy.

Sure, that works, except when you're someone like me who tries to pack too many things in her schedule and ends up inconveniencing other people I'm meeting after event X or Y because I got the wrong info, or because I have to miss events because I already agreed to something else for that evening. Or, more annoying, I have to reschedule with other parties so that I can do all I want to do. Plan, people, plan! Life is short!

Now, I'm learning to say to myself, it's okay to miss a few things or to be late to an appointment because I should "rel-a-a-a-x-x-x....." like almost everyone else.

Anyway, I'm learning. Slowly.

More on resolutions another time.

brains are mush

Finally graded all the undergraduate papers. Cannot bear to look at the drafts by graduate students. Can no longer think. Read some Anne Lamott, and she reminds me of my crazy American friends.

It's really cold here at nine degrees Celcius, especially because we don't have central heating or insulation.

2013 has been a blur to me. Maybe it'll get better with a bit more rest? At some point, maybe, I'll look back at 2013 and think, wow, I was so young! (And foolish.)

birthday party

Not sure how my friend took this picture of us on my phone, but I'm glad to have it. Fun picture!! Just don't look at it too long or you'll feel sick.

putting up guards

Colossians 4:5-6 (The Message)
Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don’t miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.

As wonderful as some of my non-Christian friends are, I need to learn to be more careful about what I share with them. Esther Hu was right all those years ago. At some point, we will disagree very strongly on how to approach problems and issues, and this can make for very contentious moments especially when a friend feels as if I disregard her advice and viewpoints. Uhm, sorry, but it's my life and I have to live with the consequences of my choices. I value other viewpoints but just because I decide on a solution that she does not agree with does not make me inflexible. 

Life and its curveballs. Happy advent.

winding down

On another note, now that writing lectures is over and I'm not in the thick of grading just yet (dumb, I should've made my due dates a lot earlier, like the rest of my colleagues!), I finally have time to recenter. 

Why do I do what I do? 

(Because it makes us all more human, the way God designed us to be.)

Why should I work hard?

(Because I should work as unto the Lord, and thankfully, God wants us to take breaks.)

Fingers crossed that this Christmas will be a fun one!

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And I am thankful for this post! I need to learn to fail up!! I like the follow up post too. Self-help articles are not always good, but some of them can be really insightful.

For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”

However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker,  that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1.    Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3.    Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

cryptic messages

I recently made a decision that I'm sure a student found surprising, but I cannot explain to him why I responded the way I responded. Poor guy. I couldn't think of a better excuse than the one I gave him, so he may think that I'm not being very supportive. But.....it was a political decision to protect myself. There's a very high chance that I did not need to protect myself, and that it doesn't matter anyway, but well, I was very busy when I made my decision, so, oh well! Oy vey. Things look different from the other side!