gone for a bit!

If Paul Ogata ever performs in your neighborhood, Go!! He is very, very funny and sharp. I not only liked his prepared routine but also his sharp exchanges with the audience. Look him up on youtube for a sample.

Windsurfing was fantastic, except that I forgot to apply sunscreen on my hands and feet and I ended up being sunburned only on those places. I looked funny but worse, my feet especially felt awful and they are still stinging a little now. 

I get on the plane tonight and leave for a short break/conference before flying back here for another conference presentation the day after I get back. I'm more or less finished with the first paper but haven't begun the second one so I hope I get a lot of work done on the plane!!! I am very very excited to be leaving because I'm going to a place I've never been to before. I have four days on my own and I think I know what I'll be doing . . . . At this point, it looks like I'll be winging it for at least two nights, depending on how I figure out bus/lodging plans.

So I won't be updating this blog or visiting yours for awhile!!

I think I need to read this book. Okay, I do miss amazon.

FB :(

I still love using FB but now that I have a friends' list that is in need of some trimming and I have neither time nor gumption to do it, I'm a little more wary about posting status updates there. It's a bit sad since most of my friends don't have this blog address and I want to keep it that way. This is the place where I can think out loud without worrying too much. Well, I just wanted to have that on record.

Btw, I'm really loving the service here in HK. I can't get the drainage hole cover off my dehumidifier and since it is still covered by a 3-yr warranty, the company is sending over a service person to knock that piece of plastic out. Can't imagine this happening in the US!!! But I must say that returns and refunds are much better in the US.

exhausted again

Rough week with plenty to do but I'm more worried that I won't have the discipline to do what needs doing! Yes, I do work at the eleventh hour but this is cutting it close even for me. Here we go again!!

Fun things planned for the weekend: a proper windsurfing workshop and stand-up comedy. I should work hard so that I deserve those fun rewards.

I think I might need to go on an FB fast. Sigh.

run of the mill type of week

No drama to report, thankfully. I've been suffering from sinus allergies for the past 4 days and they aren't getting better so I'm a bit bummed. Went to an acupuncturist yesterday and it helped for a few hours but it got bad again just as I was trying to fall asleep and it was pretty bad this morning. I think it could be due to the pollution and I had a physically strenuous weekend so my immune system was probably a little compromised.

I went sea kayaking and windsurfing on Sat afternoon with a group from church--a few I had met before but they were mostly strangers--and then I played badminton that night as well as Sun night. My form wasn't at all good during windsurfing because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. The church friends who were teaching us adopted the get-up-and-go teaching technique and they didn't expect me to be able to get up and go in the first place much less go as far as I did. By the time I needed instructions for the step after "pull up the sail and hold on," I was already too far away to hear what they were shouting at me.

Well, my back was super sore from my bad form but I loved the experience so much I'm going to sign up for a proper workshop. The feel of skimming over the waves was unbelievable. And unlike skiing or snowboarding, making a mistake and falling over isn't punishing! You just fall into the water, that's all, you don't hit your head on hard packed ice or risk breaking a knee or falling of a cliff.

I spent last night refreshing FB for badminton scores my friends were posting. M'sia beat Denmark 3-2!! Everyone was on the edge of their seats incl me even though I couldn't see any of the action. That was tiring so I'm hoping someone with a webcam will be able to skype me into the TV action for the finals. Unfortunately, I'll be at church home group on Fri night when M'sia plays China in the semi's. BUT M'SIA HAS TO WIN AND GO ON TO THE FINALS!!!!

a little more clarity

(Continuation of thoughts from previous post.)

This season of life, I need to learn to take risks. When I was deciding about this job, I remember that I began to feel emotionally ready to make the move when the chair of the dept said over email that I should learn to take risks when I'm young. No American would've said it but it was something that moved me. And last night, during small group prayer at home church, the notion of taking risks really came to the fore for me.

So we'll see how things go. :)

decisions

I've been thinking about vocation for a long time and I've thought for a few months now that my time in here will be significant and I've finally figured out why. In some ways, I have a very strong personality and to some people at least, I come across as confident, talented, and decisive. Some who know me well will at least know that I may not always be as confident or decisive as I may seem. On the one hand, I respond very aggressively when threatened--at least I may feel threatened, others may not think they are threatening me--but being "aggressive" is not the same as being confident or sure of one's self.

I say this because even though sometimes I'm very clear about what I like or don't like--"No, I can't meet up with you tonight because I'm tired" or "No, I don't like to go to clubs, so you guys go have fun without me"--a part of me is still too much of a people-pleaser. I suspect this is why I'm in the field I'm in right now.

College was such a great time because I started learning well for the first time in my life (no thanks to the M'sian education system). I enjoyed my lessons and I excelled at them. I went on to grad school not knowing if I wanted to be an academic because my relationships with my teachers were so good. I stumbled most of my way through grad school because I didn't feel as nurtured and I didn't feel like I succeeded. Well, I lucked out and got into a postdoc program where I felt nurtured again and therefore felt like I was succeeding in my chosen profession! It is true that we all need feedback and we all need guidance and mentoring. But is that a good enough reason to keep working at it? I don't know.

To some degree, I walked through doors because they were open and it seemed reasonable to do so at the time and that is fine. But I feel so helpless in it all. Are my current employers going to offer me a contract renewal? If they don't, will someone else do so? My life seems very much in someone else's hands. And yes, I recognize God's hand in all of this. But his hand often seems so invisible. I've felt "fine" about my work only when I received affirmation from people in authority over me, and they happened to be smart, successful, caring, and wise women. But I can be a smart, successful, caring, and wise woman too without being in this line of work.

I don't know. I'm confused. But I will be praying for clarity. This period in my life will be "experimental" as in "let's see if I can do XYZ and be successful at it." Even if I decide at the end of this season of my life that I want to keep doing what I do, this time of careful searching will be valuable and necessary. (I hope.)

learning new things

What I love most about my life is the many different personalities that come in and out of my life. Not everyone hangs around for a long time and I've come to terms with that. I like friends who stick around for life but if someone is going to drop out of my life for a period, that's fine too. I just hope that I keep meeting new people who have vastly different life stories and/or personalities. The latter can be difficult sometimes but it does make life more fun.

Take this guy Col from my Sun night badminton group, for example. He's introduced a couple of us to another group that plays on Sat in Kowloon--quite far off and inconvenient but the level of play is higher--so we went out to dinner and then took buses there and back together so I got to learn more about him.

Col is exactly the kind of guy I grew up ... well, I kept my distance from people like him, to put it mildly. He smokes, goes clubbing, probably drinks heavily, and chases typical Asian beauties with big eyes, small faces, sharp chins, and soft voices. I'm only friends with Col now because we play badminton. I mean, I hate crowds, I don't really drink, and cigarette smoke makes me cough, so there's no way I'm going to go clubbing. (Actually now that I think about it, Col sounds a lot like my old xd partner, except that Arch's appreciation for feminine beauty fell on a wider spectrum and he was much less verbal about that appreciation.)

But what was interesting this past Saturday evening was watching Col charm everyone we met, including the (male) waiter at the kebab restaurant. Col has a beautiful fiancee in Japan (he showed me her pictures on his iphone) but he still checks out pretty girls on the street (I know because he points them out to me) and acts like a little rascal any chance he can get. He's a year older than I am but Col seems like such a kid. I am learning that he can be thoughtful about certain things, like how difficult it might be for his fiancee when she moves over to HK to marry him, or how to navigate his relationship with his dad since he's being trained to take over his dad's pharmaceutical business.

So, the old z would have been scandalized--and I do jokingly threaten to tell his fiancee about his roving eye--but it really is a whole lot of fun to hang out with him. I had to clarify though, that he should not pay for my dinner when we're out together. Okay, confession, it made me feel good that he offered and insisted so strongly but it wouldn't be right. I can see how nice it would be to hang out with guys who make it a habit to pay every time they're out with girls. But no, it wouldn't be fair so I will continue to hang on to my independence!!

I've noticed that I tend to be a lot more impatient with men especially if they seem irresponsible to me. I tend to either reply with sarcasm or just avoid hanging out with them. What I'm learning in this very new friendship is that--well, to some degree at least--I need to learn to trust these kinds of men a little more than I have in the past. Little boys do grow up after all and they don't grow up because some cranky b--yatch lashes out at them.

Still, I know that I am able to do it only because we're badminton friends, and Col's decisions have very little effect on my life. Oh well, baby steps!