crap

Going through Facebook withdrawal symptoms. I've been off Facebook since Friday morning so it has been about five days now. Instead of compulsively clicking "refresh" on Facebook, I am now compulsively clicking refresh on two of my email accounts. Not supposed to go back to Facebook until May 9.

R-e-a-l-l-y t-o-u-g-h . . . .

excerpt from A Slice of Infinity, Ravi Zacharias Ministries

The following excerpt was really helpful this morning. I think it's very clear
from my posts that I am in general incredibly happy to be here. But very
recently, I've been struggling with more negative emotions and the old
questions "What in the world am I doing with my life?" and "Where
am I going?" and "What do I want, really?" have resurfaced again.

I think I know why I'm been struggling with these questions now and this
excerpt, I hope, will help me recenter my focus. When I displace God
with something or even someone, regardless of how good that thing or
person is, I lose sight of God's work in, and His plans for, my life.

-------

The hiddenness of God is problematic for theists and atheists alike. 
Christians often take for granted that we have the scriptures which give us
a record of God’s revelation. We have the benefit of a book full of God’s
speech. God speaks in the wonder and mystery of creation; God speaks
through the history of the nation of Israel; God speaks through the very
Word of God incarnate, Jesus Christ. His life reveals the exact nature of
God, and places God’s glory on full display.
 
But still we may wonder if we must always and only look to the past
to hear God’s voice, while we wonder why God isn’t more “talkative” today?
Has God not given us an additional witness for God’s presence and activity
in the world today?
 
In fact, God is often found in one of the last places we think of--the church. 
For at its best, the church retells the story of God speaking across the ages 
and definitively in Jesus Christ through the preaching of the gospel. But the 
church can also create community where God may be encountered in the
faces of others as a result of the empowering Holy Spirit. Such a community
is to be the symbol of God’s presence among us and with us as “God-found,”
not “God-hidden.” It is to be the arms of God around us when we are hurting,
or the voice of God speaking when we feel we haven’t heard from God in years.
Such a community is to be God’s voice, God’s hands and feet as they go out
into the broken places of the world to bring healing, help, and comfort.
Through worship and liturgy, prayer and communion, service and sacrifice
the church is to reveal the God who spoke and is still speaking.
 
God is not often revealed in the roar of the hurricane or the loud-clap of
thunder, but in a “still, small voice”--a voice that is barely audible except to
the most patient and still. But when the Church, broken and human as it is,
seeks through the power of the Spirit to accomplish “greater things than these,”
we see God and hear God, and find God beautifully obvious.
 
For those who long to see God, who long to find God in the darkest hour,
we may not find God in the dramatic or the victorious, the miraculous or the
stupendous. Instead, we may yet hope to find him in the pew, at the table
of the Lord’s Supper, or in a simple hymn sung by fellow seekers longing
to find Him too.

new toy

I got a compact HD camcorder through my credit card reward program but then realized that my computer can't keep up with HD videos . . . sigh. Also, the still photos that you pull from a video looks like . . . it came from a video. :p

Still, the Creative Vado HD is really small, light, and fun to use! My alumni group volunteered at a women's shelter last weekend and here's a small video of a few of us sitting down to lunch.

another epiphany

Can't seem to focus on an appropriate update for the present moment so I will just mention one of my new resolutions: practice random acts of hospitality.

During my trip to the UK, I had to be in Belfast for a couple of days and as it turned out, my sister's pastor's wife's family lives in Belfast, so my sister made arrangements for me to stay with her pastor's wife's brother and his family. When I got to Belfast, however, I found out that my sister's pastor's wife's brother's wife was just starting work again after a year's maternity leave, so it was difficult for them to host me and told me that my sister's pastor's wife's father, who is also my sister's pastor's wife's brother's father, will be hosting me instead. I was a little apprehensive by that point and imagine how I felt when my sister's pastor's wife's brother drove me to my sister's pastor's wife's father's house and my sister's pastor's wife's father said, "There's too much construction going on at our house so we're heading over here."

Finally, I ended up staying at my sister's pastor's wife's father's tenants' apartment instead. David (my sister's pastor's wife's father) is an architect and he was building an additional floor to his old farmhouse and had remodeled the barn where he milked cows as a kid into a lovely little two-story place. The tenants, Ed and Kate and their little baby Elijah, had an empty guest room and they hosted me for the two nights I was there. None of the people who fed me and who drove me around the city had ever met my sister before and I have never met my sister's pastor or his wife! We were utter and complete strangers.

My three weeks of travel were wonderful in many, many ways, but this short part of my trip affected me profoundly. I spent many hours talking to these folks over meals and tea and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was truly an unexpected holiday.

Sound of Music Train Station @ Yahoo! Video

back!

Got home at about 4pm yesterday. Very glad to be back but unfortunately, I was at my aunt's place outside of London long enough for me to feel comfortable there. When I got there, all I wanted to do was leave because without my regular routine, I couldn't seem to get anything done, and I was--and still am--sad that I had to miss out on a couple of events that were going on back in LA. All I did was eat, sleep, and sit around with family.

By the end of my stay, I was both excited about getting back and sad to be leaving. Getting to know my cousin's kids R_an, Br_nden and Chr_stian was such a precious gift. I also had a lot of fun meeting up with old friends and making new friends. More stories about that later. Regardless of where I am, I'm always missing people in other places. Yes, I have such a miserable life, I really do.

I don't quite understand it myself but leaving CA and leaving the country for a bit really helped give me some perspective. First, I realized that there are other wonderful ways of life other than the one I have been living for the past ten or eleven years. But then again, I also realized that I have had the most amazing life so far. Truly. Now, I'm starting to get a little excited about moving back to Asia at the beginning of 2010!!!

(Of course, I already know that I'll be sad about leaving especially because I am so happy here . . . . but I suppose growing up means learning to live with conflicting emotions.)

failed

The teleconferencing program sucked. Too much echo, couldn't figure out who was speaking, and just plain difficult to use. Scheduled a replacement class next weekend. Well, at least I tried.

Really happy to be here with family though, and I've especially loved getting to know my cousin's kids. Aren't they so cute????

on the run

Actually, I've been resting in my aunt's house outside of London for the past couple of days now, and I'm really enjoying this less stressful week. I do have to teach via teleconferencing in a couple of days but otherwise, life is pretty easy.

It's been a fantastic trip except for my few days in Boston when I was horribly sick with a cold and had to miss my own presentation at the conference. Everything has gone well since then and I've had a wonderful time visiting with family and friends. But I can't wait to get back to my own life and my own apt. Will be flying back on April 14. May write more then.