Two steps forward, one step back

The past three weeks have been a period of waiting for news regarding a work project. Some times I was victorious in the waiting, but Thursday night was certainly a dark time. I received the news yesterday and felt a great deal of relief. However, the project still needs a lot of work in the upcoming two weeks.

On the one hand, I am encouraged, and on the other hand....I just feel tired. But the Lord is our strength, and he will be with me in the working as in the waiting.

Romans 8:26-28The Message (MSG)

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Ark retreat

Alvin's prayer

Lord you know us more than we know ourselves. You know the source of our worries, anxieties and fears. None of those things are hidden from you. Pour your love and light into these areas as we wait upon you. Help us know Lord: all will be well.

mind blown again!

This has got to be the best argument against perfectionism I've ever read:

Perfectionists fail to accept that the world, and all of the people in it, are flawed. Understanding that concept is something that can fuel compassion, foster empathy, and help you develop healthy structures for continuously improving your own performance.

It’s fair to say that doing something the wrong way, whether at work or in a relationship, feels bad. By contrast, doing something the right way feels good. This is a core concept underlying the self-regulating systems of internal rewards that drive motivation. With a healthy, growth-oriented mindset, navigating these pathways will help us to increase our capacities in the most important areas of our lives.

In order to put that idea to use, we must be willing to make mistakes along the way. Sometimes we will not do things the right way. Someone who accepts that reality would understand that the mistakes we make are learning opportunities, glean what lessons they can from their experiences, and work on improving. The perfectionist fights reality. They do not want the bad feelings that come along with making mistakes. They drastically overestimate the pain that will be caused by those bad feelings. They become paralyzed. They do not grow.

Perfectionism is an incapacitating force. It stops us from connecting with the real, but it also stops us from connecting with others. The inward perfectionist will never feel good enough to be loved or appreciated, the outward perfectionist will always find the flaws in the details, unable to find redeeming virtues that are plainly visible to the rest of us.

Habits are hard to break, but the mechanics of overcoming perfectionism are easy to put into practice. All you have to do is be willing to make a lot of mistakes.

thoughts on thanksgiving

Giving thanks is an act of faith. To do so in the face of what we see proclaims that we believe that God is already at work in every situation. And when we take the time to thank God for already working, we are reminded that He is the author of all good works. We are participants in the work that he has set into motion. In that posture of submission, we are both humbled and honored to be called co-workers of Christ.

Basically, I don't know why, but giving thanks helps me feel joy when left to my own devices, I feel only confusion and fear. 

Signed up for a retreat soon, and the organizing team apparently prayed for all the participants! That's a real commitment. The retreat center sounds lovely and I look forward to getting away for a bit. The team shared a prophetic prayer they received when they were praying for me:

"Morning, morning! It is a new morning. Whether you are awake or asleep, I am always with you and will watch over you. I am your perfect Father."

So nice to be prayed for.

Idols

Sometimes we make the experience or the emotion an idol. But look at Joseph's time in prison. God was still at work.

Staying in la-la land is not an option when God works in the present moment even if the present looks more like a prison.

Good bye

I'm learning to not let fear control me. Fear can be a good signal, and we need it in life.

Without fear we might try to cross the street without checking for approaching traffic. Without fear, we might be careless about maintaining diving or mountaineering gear.

Fear can teach us a lot, and move us to appropriate action. But there's ungodly fear that places limits on the life God would have us live. The fear of losing a relationship might turn us into people pleasers rather than trusting God and his ways, for example. Or the fear of shame that leads us to hiding sin, legitimate needs, or hurts. Those fears need to go.

Perfect love drives out those kinds of fears.