Quotation from Emerging Scholars Network

"Thou, O Christ..., make us strong to overcome the desire to be wise and to be reputed wise by others as ignorant as ourselves."

-- A. W. Tozer, _The Knowledge of theHoly_ (1961)

here we go again

It's really funny. I had a pretty good first week in Ithaca, but now the stress and anxiety are slowly returning. I have a pretty good idea why, but I suppose I'll just have to keep struggling with all the negative feelings and the fears.

On a brighter note, dorm life has been time-consuming (very much so), but it's also been going well and the people in the house are really interesting to talk to and to observe.

Someone in my CF shared this post below, and I really enjoyed it:

He kept dragging his feet.

About this month last year I and a group of friends decided to set out to find success. My friends decided to set out immediately but I thought I should first spend sometime talking to My Lord about it.

"Jesus" I said "I want to be just like you. I want to do the extraordinary. I want to excel in all areas of my life. Lord I want to be a champion; I want to soar above the clouds of success. Lord I am really thinking big I want to be EVERYTHING you have planned for me to be. Lord Unleash the champion in me."

The Lord smiled as he looked at me. "Well done my child" he said "I am so glad you have chosen the highest calling of life and I am glad you have come to me for help. For I know the best way to get there. We will set off first thing tomorrow. Consider this your beginning my child, at first light tomorrow we begin.

I got myself ready that night. Sleep was the last thing on my mind. I kept imagining the great things I was going to accomplish. I could already see the best life had to offer, lined up in front of me to take up. One by one my mind accessed them. Then finally, I went to bed, anxious to start this high call.

The Lord kept his promise at first light he came to my door. I was eager to get started. I swung my backpack on my shoulder, fastened my boots and grabbed my torch just in case we would be out till late. We set out and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I knew there was so much in store for me.

At times we walked side by side; at times the Lord carried me in his strong arms. But then during our walk I noticed there were several times my Lord slowed down, and so many times he wanted us to stop for a rest. At times I thought he was simply dragging his feet! He seemed more interested in showing me the scenery than getting to the place of success.

"My Lord," I finally cried "much faster," and as politely as I could I added "You know I can’t wait to get to this beautiful place." At times he did hurry at times he seemed to slow down even more! "Patience my child" he said "patience."

I tried to make the most of the journey and ask him about my assignments. "Lord, what will be my first assignment? I am sure there will be much to do." "Indeed my child" he replied "that is why your first assignment will be, to learn to trust."

"To trust?" I asked "What do you mean my Lord?" "When the toughest storms in life come at you," he replied "and the winds of life push your boat seemingly off course, I want you my child to trust that I am right beside you in the midst of the storms and that the wind blows at my command."

I grew sad, I thought about how far we had already come and how crucial this journey was at this point in my life "and yet he now tells me to simply trust!" I remembered how he was dragging his feet. I thought about my other friends and how they should have already attained success.

I was so deep in thought I didn’t realize, when my Lord picked me up to carry me again. "Lord" I finally said "is there anything else you would like me to do now?" "Yes my child" he said softly "right now I would like you too keep still."

"Keep still my Lord?!" I was furious. "But I thought I am going to get to do great works!" "My Lord" I said "then why did we set out if it was only to keep still? Lord I am so ready to work, look, I brought my tools! Lord I am so ready to push, so ready to pull. Lord I even brought my best boots! Why my Lord; why keep still when there is so much to do?"

"I know my child" he whispered, "I saw your tools and boots but right now please be still; I am carrying you through the den of lions where many of your friends lost their lives.

new laptop!

. . . But I prefer my old one! Dell was having a sale on laptops so I got my new one for $485 plus a free printer. However, the thing looks like it's from the stone age. I think it's supposed to be faster than my old one but my old laptop actually feels faster than this new one!!

Now I have to set it up with the software that my university uses for administrative things. Don't have all my fave websites either, but I suppose I'll build all that up again.

But no complaints! It's nice having my own computer again. Trying to use the dorm's public computers has been a pain. Apparently most ppl here have computers, but many of them like to use the public ones. Haven't actually started writing yet, but will soon. Am waiting for the building manager to put in a large bookshelf in the office space I share with 3 other students so I can arrange my books.

I start teaching on Monday!

and hello!

Waiting for the secretary of my dept to open up the office, so decided to waste some time.:)

Got in this morning at about 2am, and slept only a couple of hours before getting up and trying to arrange my stuff. Being back here feels really strange. It's as if all that time back home never happened at all, and I just jumped through time and appeared in the future. You can't escape Cornell.

Had a pretty good time in Stockholm, but haven't figured out how I'm going to download and save pictures from my memory card now that I don't have my laptop with me. I had a safe trip, although I do have a few funny stories . . . but I can't seem to remember them now . . . maybe it's the jet lag.

Oh yes, on the journey from KL-Stockholm, I got bumped up into business class!!!!!!! That was very, very exciting because the chairs turned into flat beds!! I actually slept a little and did not spend time wishing I was dead.

bye bye

I'm off in a few hrs! Have to send off some comments on a friend's dissertation (long-promised, but been procrastinating, what else) and I have to finish packing!! Not supposed to sleep the entire night so I can sleep on the plane. When I get to Stockholm it'll be afternoon, so I want to be up and about and not crashing in my hotel room.

The latest restrictions on luggage and carry-on's have made me decide to leave my laptop in Malaysia (complicated story) since I'll be away for 3.5 months before coming back for a film conference and for Christmas hols.

I will miss my laptop!! Will have to haunt the campus computer dorms since I'm supposed to write A LOT this semester. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

here we go again

Leaving in two days. Butterflies in tummy. Feel awful. This doesn't get easier with time.

Can't imagine how much worse it'd be if I weren't coming back again December (for a conference in KL).

Much to look forward to in Ithaca (old friends, to be specific), but it still kinda sucks.

repetition

I know it's a small thing to be miffed about . . . but do you have friends who seem to have no recollection of certain kinds of conversations even though you've had those conversations at least twice? If I remember telling X about a certain thing, shouldn't X remember that certain thing? Kinda makes me feel like that person wasn't really listening in the first place anyway.

This is why I'm the kind of person who has many acquantainces and few friends.