Happy Chinese New Year!

I doubt I'll be posting again until I get back from CNY break, so happy Rabbit year! I spent most of today dreading today's three-hour class but once again, my kids saved me by talking a lot and saying very interesting things. I survived with just three single-space pages of lecture notes (usually I prepare six). I just have to get through tomorrow's two-hour monologue--oh how I dread having to give monologues--on a film I assigned but haven't watched myself. Yeah, super-smart of me. I did it out of desperation though! I tried to find films on the class topic (globalization!) that seems fun to undergrads. So here we are. After Friday, I'll have a bit of a break from teaching which will give me a chance to catch up on rest and research. I hope.

I'm really losing steam, help!!

Who am I?
This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me,
these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I
 am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.

Friedrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, 348.

good response to the moment (see previous post)

Elrond tells the Fellowship: "The road must be trod, but it will be very hard. And neither strength nor wisdom will carry us far upon it. This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong. Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere." (Lord of the Rings, as quoted in John Ortberg)

Loved Ortberg's piece on calling, courtesy of Paul! I generally like Ortberg's other writing as well, and I think it's because he was also trained as a counselor. Those of his books that I have read help breakdown unhelpful beliefs with clarity, humor, and grace. Work in the past week was tough but it was also a lot more enjoyable except for the few moments when I sank back into the slough of despair. But those moments came a lot more infrequently and did not last as long.

HK is going through an unusually cold winter. It's not as bad as some of the other places in which I've lived but still, I'm not enjoying it too much and I hope it passes soon.

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Update

I've been having random conversations with a couple of colleagues and I guess I should be glad to find out that I'm not the only one who feels a little crazy in this institution.

winter blahs

On some days like this one, I am convinced that I'm just not cut out to do this my job. Sigh. Well, I'll just have to keep showing up and hope that God shows up too.

aftermath

When I'm tempted to grumble about having to be at work, I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a job. It's still tough though. It looks cloudy out this morning. I hope it doesn't rain. Will be having dinner tonight with a friend from grad school who is in town visiting family. Will be having lunch with a friend of a friend tomorrow. And then three childhood friends will be flying in later this week to visit. Unfortunately, I'll be packing and moving then so I'm afraid they're going to have to live with some of the chaos. I really hope they'll have a good time even then!

(Finishing the work I need to do this month will take a miracle so I hope God shows up.)