not much to tell

Life has been uneventful lately (thank God!!!), so haven't been posting much. The few things that do come to mind:

1. Goat roast today! Frien B_cky's parents came up this weekend to bring her final load of furniture (she moved into my summer sublet apt) , so they're also spending the weekend camping at a nearby park and invited CICF'ers over for a pot-luck where they provided roast goat!! VERY yummy. And it's always fun to eat and relax with other people. S_mson gave me a ride home because neither one of us wanted to go to the concert after the meal. We had a very nice long conversation on the drive back--mostly because I accidentally brought B_cky's car keys with me and we had to turn back to drop the keys off so she could get home!!!!!

2. Read the last book in the Harry Potter series today! Was going to wait till Christmas to read it but people keep talking about it and they often let slip what happens, so I decided to go ahead and read it for myself. It didn't start off too well and there are obvious holes in it but I do like how it turned out in the end. I really do think that all that is lovely and good is a variation of the good news. But that's my humble opinion. :)

3. Saw Michael Moore's Sicko on Fri night and really enjoyed it. It really is a BAD idea to get sick or have accidents if you are not covered by a pretty comprehensive insurance plan. Even if you do have insurance, lots of people still have trouble with medical bills. Quite horrifying.

4. 2 more weeks before I move back into T-house. Sigh.

AAAHHHHHH!!!!

It's July and I'm still cold. CICF is going on its annual weekend canoeing/camping trip mid-August this year because late August is too cold, but at this rate, we might still be cold!!!!

blessings again

Had a wonderful walk and then a very nutritious dinner with an old friend and old roommate, E, who is a Nutrition PhD. E and I are very different in temperament, as different as could possibly be, I think. But over the years, I think we've learned how to get along with and appreciate one another!

E just spent about a year in Afghanistan and has been back trying to write up her dissertation. We had a very good conversation about various things, and our conversation actually confirmed that something I'm thinking of doing could be the right thing to do.

It was very restful to be with someone who understands how I operate and accepts me for who I am and what I can offer.

Pilates

I went to my first pilates class today, and it was hard. The class definitely made me work out muscles I never knew I had. Actually, to be more accurate, it made me work out muscles that I never knew I never had!

My past back problems--no, I'm not a hypochondriac, I really do have all these problems!--have been concentrated on my lumbar and while I am doing MUCH better now after chiropractic care, trying to do some of the pilates exercises revealed just how atrophied the muscles in that area are!

There was just no way I could've done the exercise that would have required me to bring my legs and back up over my stomach and head (reverse bridge?) much less do that holding the exercise ball between my legs. That was so impossible for me I just gaped in astonishment at the instructor and the other folks in the class.

Needless to say, this revelation alone is spurring me to drop my regular gym workout (cardio and light weights) in favor of the pilates sessions because the classes run during the times I would've gone to the gym anyway. I need to strengthen my lower back and clearly my gym workouts aren't helping! My gym workout has helped overall but now it's time to target my back muscles and pilates seems to be better for that.

Academics have horrible posture, back problems, and carpal tunnel. I want none of that.

piece from Sojourners

Check out Sojourners for more.

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Sanctuary Breaks An Unjust Law

by Alexia Salvatierra

Why would a congregation risk prosecution to provide sanctuary
to an immigrant family? Why would a pastor decide that people
who have broken laws deserve protection, support, and advocacy?

When I was doing missionary work in Southeast Asia, I attended a
service in a language that I didn't speak. At a certain point, I
discerned that they were saying the Lord's Prayer. It was an
amazing moment; I felt the depth of our connection as brothers
and sisters in Christ, beyond all of our differences. When we
got to the line, "Forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors,"
I was struck by the insight that one of the deepest roots of our
connection is the common experience of God's mercy. While we
were yet sinners ... while we did not deserve forgiveness ...
before we had any capacity to repent ... someone loved us enough
to die for us. Someone had compassion on us - literally "com"
(with) and "passion" (feeling) - someone felt with us, felt our
pain as if it was his pain, our hopes and dreams as if they were
his hopes and dreams.

Sanctuary is an act of compassion, an expression of mercy. It
is, however, not mercy at the expense of justice. Participants
in the New Sanctuary Movement believe that our current
immigration system is profoundly unjust - so unjust that we
believe that we are facing one of those unique moments
throughout history when divine law and human law are in
conflict, and God's justice demands that we stand with those who
break unjust laws even at the risk of sharing their punishment.
Sanctuary is not only about mercy; it is also about justice.

But for many of us, the decision to provide sanctuary is rooted
in the impulse of the heart to love as we have been loved - to
hear the cries of Liliana and Joe and Mae and Jose and Juan and
Jean's children and respond with compassion.

Yet, the act of sanctuary is more than simple charity. What we
do with someone who has broken into our house only to go on to
clean it, take care of our garden, remodel the deck, watch over
the children, and cook us dinner? We read in Hebrews that those
of us who provide hospitality have entertained angels unaware.
To offer sanctuary is to recognize that the strangers in our
midst are blessing us, in clear and mysterious ways. May we
respond with the hospitality that we have received.

Rev. Alexia Salvatierra is the executive director of CLUE
(Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice), an organization
of religious leaders in Los Angeles county who support low-wage
workers.

not much of an update

My mind is a whirl of thoughts much too confused to share right now. I'm not sure they're bad thoughts. They're certainly difficult to think through.

Sometimes I feel so old. Then I remember, well, I am getting older!!! :) I just wish I haven't felt so old for so long. I think that's why sometimes I so enjoy the childish pleasures of life.

The "smart" kid is supposed to be smart all the time. And then you get to graduate school and you realize that you can't frame your world that way anymore, especially as a Christian academic. God calls each and everyone of us to our particular life paths and gives us different gifts for the journey; one is not better than another. But too often we forget this.

Sometimes I feel so selfish, and other times, I wonder . . . why not? :) Sometimes I feel like people want to see me a certain way, like they expect me to live a certain kind of life--because they think I have certain gifts or strengths. That's really hard to live with because I often feel that failure is not an option for me. And of course, "success" is very narrowly defined, so missing the mark is that much easier.

Healing comes, but slowly.

I'm going to ask everyone who reads this to not respond, either through the comment section or more privately on email.

unadulterated lust

When I actually have a real job, I want this. Archit already has one and it is SO easy to use that even I can use it! That's how user-friendly it is!!!!

if it's not one thing . . .

Got to sleep last night more easily than other nights! But then I woke up at 3:45am because I had a really scary nightmare. From time to time, I will dream of people who are possessed by spirits--thankfully this time, it was as if I was watching it on TV, and I wasn't actually interacting with the people in my dream.

I managed to go back to sleep after awhile though, so that was good.

another little blessing!

Saw a couple of fireflies in the backyard!! I'm always excited to see fireflies. :)

Made an appointment to see the doctor (a real doctor, not a nurse practitioner) at the student health center because I'm really concerned about my sleeping problems. Ideally, I'll be able to go in for an overnight observation at the local sleep research center. I hope I don't have a sleep disorder but it would be nice to be able to rule it out for sure.

moving along, if slowly

Still struggling with difficulties sleeping, but that's not terribly unusual. Worrying, but not unusual.

HOWEVER, I am doing much better this week. Nothing like a crisis to bring friends out of the woodwork--maybe I need to go through crises more often! Haha, no thanks, just kidding. I really appreciate all the concern people have shown.

I don't think I have the energy right now to go into all the details but as one person said, I do know myself a lot better now and I won't let anyone tell me what I am or am not thinking. Nothing makes a person feel crazier than when someone else is telling you that you're thinking this or that's why you do that . . . and they're wrong about it. I want to be teachable and humble, but at some level, I think I do know what's going on in my head better than most other people.

Friend Jade pointed out that encountering surprising, left-field occurrences like this used to be a weekly affair in our lives. :) But now we're smarter and avoid people as much as possible, hahaha!! There are reasons why we "withdraw" from people and the most important being our sanity!

Turned in my draft on Tues morning but it was nowhere near what I was hoping it would look like; again, not surprising given my frame of mind. I'm still a little resentful that my work was affected. Trying to get refreshed now and will move on to other work I need to do before I can revise the draft that I just turned in.

mantra

Having flaws does not make me a horrible person.
I'm not a horrible person because I'm not perfect.
Having flaws does not make me a horrible person.
I'm not a horrible person because I'm not perfect.
Having flaws does not make me a horrible person.
I'm not a horrible person because I'm not perfect.
Having flaws does not make me a horrible person.
I'm not a horrible person because I'm not perfect.

feeling better

Could only sleep 4 hours last night despite using melatonin, managed to sleep about 40 minutes this afternoon. But still tired.

Had lunch and another long conversation with Prof R, and cleared up a few things that were making me crazy and that made me doubt who I am. Prof R really is a lovely person and I learned that I am able to confront someone when they mis-speak and hurt me without meaning to. More about that on Tues, maybe.

Ups to friends Cat and Naomiobi for their continuing support and friendship. It really helps to have friends who are peers--I seem to have a lot of friends who are older than I am!!

And Uncle Paul, you're right, I made it through. :):) How did you know????

Now, I'm just hoping my sleeping problems will go away soon. Decided to turn in my draft on Tues morning instead of Mon afternoon. It won't look anything like what I was hoping it would look like but right now this really is all I can manage. Going shopping on Wed for a power suit! Hah!

Also looking forward to tomorrow night's 4th of July fireworks, put on by Ithaca College. Going over to Mark's and Jan's place to watch the show from their balcony. There are also a ton of fireflies in the field behind their house so I'm very excited.

Small pleasures keep my spirits up. :)