Merry Christmas

Promise. Hope. Anticipation. Fear. Doubt. Faith. Sacrifice.

Best Christmas gift a teacher can get

New year's resolutions

I have three of them this year:

1. Better time management at work. I need to prioritize the important tasks.

2. I need to learn to trust the people around me.

3. I want to notice the work God is doing in my life. Faith expects him to work!

Update:

4. I scaled back on my service this year because I felt burned out from the previous two years, but I think I need to scale back up a little now!

p.s. - maybe item no. 4 is an answered prayer to item no. 3? God is already working!

Ready!

I am a little late getting into the game, but I guess I should start tracking my new year's resolutions. They're prayers anyway, and it'd be great to see if God answers these prayers.

This year, I will continue to ask God to help me trust him. But I also need to learn to trust the people around me. I think it would be difficult to be around someone who doesn't trust you. So, I need to believe that others are competent and capable of doing the right thing. And maybe I do need to be on my guard against some people but in general, I need to trust most of the people I meet.

Let's see if things change.

Our father

This Christmas, hope is for me too.

This Christmas, forgiveness is for me too.

God takes great pleasure in providing for His people. Psalm 104

It has been quite the week. I am incredibly tired. SO DRAINED. But what I'm learning now is that I need to trust others to do the right thing. (Even when I may not necessarily have the evidence that they will!) Sometimes, there really is only so much I can do. And I just need to trust others.

Not being able to make my regular badminton sessions doesn't help either. But, I must say that God is good, and that I have had blessings this week too. I just need to trust God, and like it or not, I need to trust the people around me.

It's kinda like baddy. :) You need to trust your doubles partner even when you don't want to, and if you don't, you risk losing the match at a faster rate. I don't know why that's the case. It just is.

ah hah

And badminton does it again!

Life lessons really stick for me once I learn something on the badminton court. For the past two years, I've been told over and over again that I need to keep my grip loose. Power comes from a tight grip, but you can't constantly grip the racket tightly because your stroke becomes inflexible and your reactions are slow. So the grip should be light and relaxed until the second you hit the shuttle, after which point, your grip should loosen up again. It's hard to break old habits though, so it's been a real struggle to change this up.

Last night, during one of my drills, I noticed that my grip was more relaxed and I wasn't even thinking about it. At that moment, I realized that I was starting to get what it means to hold the grip gently until the opportune moment. And more importantly, that in life, off the court, I need to loosen my grip on things too. I can hold on to God, but everything else, especially the things that make me angry at work, need to be held with soft hands.

Sounds silly, but this is a really important moment for me.

Single-minded?

Waiting for my friends to go camping but all I want to do is play badminton.

Lord, please meet me this weekend.

My head hurts. God is teaching me too much

Sigh

I just realized that when I think of a colleague negatively--even if I think it is justified--I am unable see the colleague as Christ sees him/her. I may not have to trust her but I think I need to change how I see him/her.

Growing

I guess the hardest part of my journey has been adjusting to work culture and the complexities of negotiating friendship in the professional world. On the one hand, we're friends but on the other hand, we are all colleagues even if we don't work at the same institution. Still need to get my head around all that.

rules, or the lack of rules

The university has a lot of rules, but it also seems like rules are often broken or changed at the whim of those in power. Of course, those of us without job security are the ones who have to follow the rules. The people in power don't follow rules; they make them. And sometimes, people act badly out of fear. Everyone's fearful about something. And in academia, the fears are usually fears of not being smart enough, or good enough, or powerful enough. It's just hard on everyone.

There are days when I really hate academia. Today is one of them. And actually, yesterday too.

Update: and yes, I am often fearful too. Fear is infectious!

Surprise

My trainer set up my heart monitor for me. The birthday cake won't go away!

I keep telling myself that I need to slow down. But I still fill up my schedule more than I'd like to and make my Monday mornings so much harder. Last night, I heard life and industry stories from an architecture who heads the HK office of a Chinese firm, a police (woman) officer stationed in Mong Kok, and an entrepreneur in travel retail. I really, really love talking to people who work in different fields. They teach me more about the world than I'd have access to on my own.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if I had chosen a different career. But what??

Gotta love my care group

Fun day

oh, work

I woke up from a work-related nightmare last night. It seemed so real. I don't remember details anymore, but I definitely remember having it.

Hopefully, never again?

Overwhelmed

I have been around too many people these past few weeks. And I noticed that everyone seeks affirmation or validation, often from the people around them. I would like to make them feel valued because they are worthy of respect and dignity as God's creation. But I only have so much energy.

And I learned that I need to come back to God, and wait on him, and be filled again so that I can see others the way he sees them. I still need a lot of time alone. But I can spend time with people too, and give them the respect they need.

I have been so blessed to have been loved so deeply and generously inside and outside the church. So I need to give it my best shot!

Psalm 86:11-13

enough....

I love seeing old friends, and I like taking visitors around, but I've had too many of them in the last 12 months. No more for 2014, please.

I need to move to a deserted island, I really do.

too much

Can't bear to read the news anymore. So much fear-mongering and threats here in HK. And the divisions between friends and churches is getting to me. How does one work under such circumstances? Or bring peace into this situation? All this is really beyond me.

Homemade lip balm

A bit too yummy.

Democracy is way tiring

more time on my hands

I feel more relaxed and have more time to do my own thing when my close, single girl friends begin a relationship because they no longer have to talk about their day with me. I'm happy to talk with them, of course, but sometimes, I really don't need to hear about what happened at the office, or what movies they want to watch or like to watch. I'd never tell them that, of course. But I'm very happy for them!!!!!!!!

I hope this doesn't make me a terrible person.....

mentoring

Went to the campus christian faculty prayer meeting today, and it was so nice to just pause and be reminded we're a part of God's work, and not that God is a part of our work. Thankful also for senior faculty members who are calm and kind. 

Just reminds me that I need to ask God to make me gentle.....

blessed

Starting Monday off with this unexpected, exhilarating thought: "I love my life."

Politics

We may be caught up in a historical moment. China has been flexing its muscles over HK, and the organizers of Occupy Central may be gearing up for major protests. Student unions in the major universities all over HK may also participate in these protests but hold them on their campuses.

I'm proud to say that my faculty has decided to support our students in what they choose to do. I've offered to reschedule my classes to the evening or the weekends as a measure of support.

I must say that I don't like to disrupt my lessons, and I don't like it when my students can't attend my classes. Personally, these strikes may hurt the students as individuals, and it is a cost that the university community has to bear. But we also need to send a message that will be loud and clear to the Chinese government that HK is part of China, but is prepared to fight for democracy, and for an independent judiciary.

Business cannot go on as usual, but how do we do it in a way that hurts China, and not us? But if we do not pay the cost now, the cost we pay later will be much higher. Oy vey. God, grant wisdom and courage to those in positions of leadership, as well as to the rest of us.

Fall 2014

And, the stress is back! I can't say I've missed the stress, but hey, it's back!

Some of it is exciting. I'm excited to teach a new class, and I'm excited to see some of my favorite students who have signed up for my classes. I'll miss the students who have graduated.

The faculty is going through a search for a new dean, and one of the candidates is really amazing. His/her accomplishment is way out of the ballpark, and I'd never be able to replicate that kind of track record. But his/her energy and enthusiasm is inspiring. Something I learned: recognize the problems for what they are, but use as much positive language as possible because you come across as being ready and equipped to solve the problem.

Some people complain a lot (seriously) but they just come across as bitter and impotent. Note to self....

I would like to be productive this year. I really, really would.

Peking Duck

Really yummy

Old friends in HK

Favorite dimsum thing

流沙包

Lau sar pau

Had this for breakfast with a childhood friend who manages to annoy me on a regular basis, Mr. Moh.

Life lesson from work

I need to slow down and explain myself clearly. There's no need to rush through things, and I can be more patient with myself as I let my thoughts unfold. I need to take my space. My thoughts need to take their space.

Hopefully, all this makes sense in the future.

please....

I wish I could survive on less sleep so that I can do everything I want to do: work hard at my job, pray, read, spend time with friends and family, volunteer, play badminton, and go to the gym. All these things are important to me....

It seems like the one thing that I've had to learn to do consistently over the past 20 years is to learn to weigh what people teach me. I need to remain teachable, but not what everyone tells me is true--even if they're convinced they are--or right. Sometimes, it may not be right for me at that time.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. Lord, have mercy.

God's answer: I have loved you with an everlasting love.

Quit it with the non sequiturs, O Master of the Universe.

I love you too.

more dreams

Dreamed that I profited from the largesse of a college friend's cooking skills (Zoia C., by the way), and that, with another college friend (Michelle A.), I took over and lived in a tiny Hong Kong-style mall shop with glass walls all around.

So, what's my unconscious telling me? I don't really keep in touch with either Zoia or Michelle even if I do think they're both really wonderful women, and Zoia's more of an expert dancer rather than chef. I guess dreams don't really mean anything and I shouldn't put anything by them.

In the summer, it gets so hot here that water coming out of my kitchen taps are hot in the morning. 

the unconscious

I dreamed last night that I presented one of my current chapters to a bunch of non-academic friends, and they very uninterested, confused, and dismissive. One of my dissertation committee members was there and she tried to discuss it with me in a helpful manner, but I was even more embarrassed because she was there.

Oh boy.

Beauty

On a hot and muggy summer night

Physical fatigue

I can't remember the last time I felt this tired after two days of working out; one day at the gym, and the second day on court. This is not unusual for me, but I have spent the last month and a half outside of my routines, so maybe that explains why my body is screaming today.

My entire body feels bruised.

And I cannot believe it's already mid-July. Where has my summer gone? I need to write. Come on, brain and body, get with the groove, please.

I'm glad that I won't be traveling for the rest of the year.

I feel like I've lost my drive for work, but I want to see the end of this project. I'm not writing the way I want to write, and I'd like a breakthrough. The break of travel was great because I did see some things differently and my brain wasn't trundling along the same old ruts.

But now, it's time to get back into a productive routine. Please?

Psalm 23:8

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

and we're back

Had a great time at home! Always nice to be back and not really working, haha.

But oh, to get back on the wheel? So tough. I schedule reading days right after a trip but it doesn't feel like "real" work. Even though it is. I mean, how will I know what books to teach if I don't read new ones, right?

So why doesn't it feel like real work???

Update: okay, so if you're reading a more complex novel, it does feel like real work....

Updated update: okay, I had a nightmare thanks to that novel....

Back home for a week

It's the dry season season now but it has rained every day the three days I have been here. So thankful for the blessing of rain!

There's nothing like lying in bed on a rainy evening. The rain soaked breeze here feels and smells different from everywhere else in the world.

Sea glass

While I was in Palermo, I asked God for a piece of sea glass to remind me of how he makes things new, and redeems our brokenness. Jan Chandler taught me about sea glass. It's the glass you find on the beach after the sea, sand, and sky have made broken pieces of glass smooth, and it is usually opaque. After noticing all the broken bottles of beer on Palermo's beach, I thought, hey! that should be easy for God. There's so much raw material here already.

But noooooo, not one teeny piece of sea glass for me.

So, here you are, God, I'll be waiting for you to answer this prayer. I never thought of myself as very girly, but it is nice to have a little bling bling sometimes. And I want me a nice piece of sea glass, thanks!

Ephemeral

Found out that an old classmate died yesterday from dengue fever. It was a bit of a shock to hear that someone I know could die from a mosquito bite.

Life is strange. And completely outside of my control. So, I should get used to it and be more relaxed in general because life won't always turn out the way I want it to even if I do everything right. And of course, there's no way I can do everything right.

And God is still God so I can leave things up to Him.

Why is this so hard?

Thankful for a couple of friends who were there for me yesterday.

Penance

This jet lag is completely unpredictable. Completely.

And there are days when I feel so alienated in HK. Is that jet lag or is that a longing for Home?

World Cup fever!

I love it when my friends are crazy over a sport. Okay, maybe not really. I mean I get infected by World Cup fever even if I don't watch any of the games. But I love reading fb feed related to the matches!

Hup, Holland! 

Ugh

I hate Rome Fiumicino! You make my journeys longer every time I have to transit here!

Avoid when possible.

Almost done

Exhausted. Love the Amalfi coastline. Pictures really don't do it justice. Here I am, loving the wonderful time away for the break it's given me from my routine. But I am also excited to get back to my own life now.

Half of the chapter is still buried in mud but I think half of it is finally surfacing. Fingers crossed. 

I feel like I have forgotten how to play badminton but hey, I got to fall in love with Amalfi's craggy coastline, deep blue waters and majestic cliffs. I am sure many Gothic films were shot here, and if they haven't been, they should. 

God's creation is amazing. Now, I hope I get to the train station later without getting rained on. 

White flag

I think being here has really given me thinking space. My brain seems a little freer now that I am not just barreling through my routine. This is God's grace to the imperfect person that I am.

I know I can do terrible things and I am tired of fighting it. I give up. This is who I am and I am not perfect. Sorry, world. Can't pretend to be good. I am just someone who struggles. That's me.

Love that is bigger than my imagination

Really good article.  http://hearingtheheartbeat.com/2014/06/09/grace-on-credit/

Palermo again

What am I doing here? I have not seen another Chinese face here. Although Italian people are very polite and don't stare. I would if I saw another Chinese face!

Let's hope the work portion of the trip goes well because there's not much in this tiny town. Great beaches though.

It took me over an hour of walking to get to this secluded cove but even the more accessible beaches have really clear water.

Bye, sports fellowship committee!

Stepped down from SFC because I just feel like my schedule is too hectic. Our glorious leader gave the two of us who are leaving a bag of his favorite candy from France where his family lives. It's super sweet but also addictive.

Flambe

On the way to Tuen Mun

I took this picture on the top deck of a double-decker bus on my way to Tuen Mun to play with some friends on a HK holiday (Duen Ng Festival). I read a bit in the morning then headed over for afternoon games. Came back to the island for dinner with another set of friends whom I hadn't seen in awhile. What a great way to spend a day off. And it's nice to have friends. Duh. Hahahaha. 

Friends

God's work: pulling together very different people and making them friends who teach, share, encourage, and love one another. This would not have been possible if it had been left up to me.

Summertime

Thunder and lightning

I have never heard so much thunder in my life. One lightning bolt follows the other almost immediately. Kind of stressful at 3.30am.

Be cool series

God's too cute

I was feeling a little sad and unloveable last night, and I prayed about it during my devotions. Two seconds later, I was chatting with five friends on social media: Stella, a Kenyan friend from college; Yan, my childhood friend; Kitty, my closest friend from badminton here; Elaine, from my current home group; and Emmanuel, a Rwandan from CICF. Each in their own ways made me feel valued despite my weaknesses and failures, and shared little stories from their lives.

Yes, I'm sure none of them would have liked to know that I was chatting with four other people at the same time (type fast and ask more questions) but these weren't very long chats anyway. It was just what I needed, and God provided not one friend, not two friends, but five friends. God loves and gives abundantly!

(And, he has quite the sense of humor.)

sigh

I guess I'm still naive in some ways, cynical in others, and just plain dumb sometimes.

My workplace drives me nuts but everyone just keeps telling me that this is how life works. Things aren't always going to be clear, and they aren't always going to make sense.

I wish God created a better version of me. Someone who doesn't make as many mistakes as I do.

Psalm 51

The best examples of the worst of humanity can be found in the university.

True story.

Although, I suppose I should be glad that I don't run the risk of dying at work. Stories of friends of friends who develop cancer from all the stress and anxiety notwithstanding.

Day 6

Kiyomizudera, then a scenic walk to Gion for lunch where we had unusual tasting sushi for lunch at Izuju. The horse mackerel was the best tasting of the three types and it was affordable at 1800 yen for two people.

Then off to Fushina shrine before heading back to Osaka's kitchen street to get a few gifts.

Cold udon noodles for dinner. I will skip the grated yam next time. The texture was too slimy. Very tired. Early trip to the airport tomorrow morning.

I already miss Japan!

Day 5

Spent the day in Arashiyama, and my favorite part of the trip was the monkey park, then to Ginkakuji before dinner with an old friend. Tonkatsu in Kyoto tastes different from what I have had in HK.