Fasting

 This past week, I fasted from watching TV and it was the hardest fast I have ever been on. I knew that I watch TV because I feel lonely. I do read, listen to sermons and pray but more recently after Molly left, I started watching even more.

So, I went on the fast. 

I felt like I didn't hear much throughout the week. But I did receive this encouragement:

Yesterday was officially the last day of my fast, and I had the sweetest dream of my life. In my dream, the things on my heart came true. 

Before I started on my journey of healing, I struggled with insomnia and nightmares. Soon after the start of my journey, the insomnia stopped and the nightmares disappeared. (They come back occasionally for specific reasons.)

But I did think it was strange that I didn't have good dreams. I had nightmares associated with spiritual battle but no prophecies or visions which I have found disappointing.

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I did hope that God will give me the desires of my heart. In the morning, doubt set in and I thought, well, maybe God just wanted to tell me, "I know," but that's it.

This evening, I looked at the notes I typed up when I was half asleep, and the last line was, "But God's presence is sweeter than all of this." I remembered experiencing this in my dream. That it was true. Even if all my wildest dreams came true, the true experience of walking with the Father is still better.

So I put all my desires back on the altar.