I'm in the foulest mood I've been in for the longest time and I can't even figure out why. Leaving for B_ston tomorrow and will be traveling for the next 3 weeks or so.

z trying to calm z down . . .

angry and helpless

I just learned today that the dept chair was told that I had already accepted the offer. Unfortunately, I don't even have a contract in hand! It boggles my mind. This makes me feel so helpless and thus angry and fearful because based on some of the advice I've been getting, I really should accept this offer anyway even if I don't know what the contract is.

Life really sucks sometimes.

calm down

Last night in my dreams, I figured out what my problem is. I don't deal well with change. Everything will work itself out in its time. My job is to learn how to rest in the midst of all the chaos.

Ps - I do hope the techies here will be able to set up a teleconferencing classroom for me. :)

GAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

There are reasons why Friend J will never travel with me. And here's yet one more reason why. I have to go to London for a conference in early April and because I have my Paperwork all set, I thought I'd be fine. Well, I just realized that I'd forgotten that I need to have my passport updated when I get to London. I just called the embassy in the UK and not only did they charge me an exorbitant sum for the phone call, they can't give me an appointment until April 6. My departure date from London to LA is currently April 8 because I need to get back here to teach on April 10!! Apparently, they are so busy that I probably won't get my passport back until April 17 at the earliest!!!!

I just sent an email to the dept techie to see if he can help me set up a teleconference-ready classroom for the two three-hour classes that at this point, I will have to miss. I can't make up two weeks of class!! I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to teach via webcam. I hate being away from my life for this long.

This is totally my fault because I forgot to make an appointment earlier, but when I checked with another embassy in the fall, they told me that because my Paperwork has all been approved, I probably won't have any trouble and that my processing procedure/time would be expedited. AAGGGHHHH!!!!!

Join my charity giving team here! My project through the Mocha Club:

In Africa, employment equals the ability to feed your children or not. A woman not being a sex worker is not necessarily about her personal dignity; it is about whether or not she can feed her children. But creating jobs is more than just creating employment. It requires counseling the former sex worker through her heart issue, and teaching fiscal responsibility to the young father with four children whose wife died of AIDS.

This is the holistic approach we take with this restoring work. We do this work primarily through small business loans and job skills training. First, when giving a small business loan to someone, you must help them to create a business plan.

This includes anything from selling charcoal for cooking to selling grain at the market. We teach business management skills, and then help them to launch the business. We mentor through running their business and through teaching life skills necessary to do so. Then, with job skills training, we teach various skills: sewing and garment making, carpentry, knitting and weaving, bead making, and even computer skills and literacy training.

We do all of this so that those we serve will become self supportive and independent...and then we'll move on to the next family.

confusion

I bumped into my mentor outside my office building when I was coming back from the library and we had a conversation about "the decision." I love talking to her--she's so calm and wise and optimistic.

My church home group will also be praying with me about this. The group leader is someone I respect and I think he has something to say about something new related to "the decision" so I hope we'll get to talk before others get to his house for this week's meeting. I love carrying J's (the group leader) and L's (his wife) baby so if I go earlier, I'll get to hold the baby before the others get there. Muahahaha . . . . . (that's the sound of evil laughter, btw.)

Oh, a funny story: I had to call my mentor's name a couple of times before she realized it was me. Then she said, "Oh, hi! I wasn't looking . . . . You look like a little girl in your jeans!" Great, thanks, just what I wanted to hear.

It's fine to look "young" but I don't particularly want to look too young. I usually dress up when I teach or when I have to attend lectures but now that the winter quarter is over--I have to grade final papers, ugh!!--I've reverted to my student clothes.

this is me, trying to do the research for my conference paper

perspectives

This pretty much describes my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth. Being around me isn't easy for my friends. Especially when I have to make decisions. But God is still God, regardless of what I decide.

Got this image from this site that has a lot of other b/w photos.

how delicate the balance . . .

A friend just made a comment/observation about the decision I was thinking of making and I may now have to reconsider that decision. Well. It is good to have both eyes wide open, and as difficult as all this has been, at the very least, I'm being forced to learn how to be more patient and how to live with uncertainties. A lot of them.

feeling better

I slept last night without the help of cold meds--good to break this addiction before it becomes too entrenched. :)

And I just noticed that 21 students have already signed up for my class next quarter, and the class is limited to 20 spots only. Previously, I was worried that I would have perhaps two students as I have been assigned to teach on Friday afternoon in the Spring Quarter. That is traditionally the slot of death because no one wants to be on campus at that time. Three of my students from this quarter have signed up for my spring class and that's a compliment of sorts! It's surprising to me because one of my current students from the same class has complained that I'm a hard grader.

I absolutely need to write the paper that I'm supposed to present at a conference in London soon. The topic is interesting but I'm so early in my research stage that I can't help but feel a little nervous too. Much to do! Much to do!

Oh, and I may be coming closer to a decision that I have to make but what's exciting about that is the fact that I may actually be pleased with my decision.

the source of my indigestion

Been having trouble with my stomach lately--find that I have to drink more milk just to keep it calm. I'm trying not to read the news because well, where will all the outrage go? I found this article (on where bailout money is going) through Ariana Huffington's column, and another column on Huffington Post wonderfully explains why the Jon Stewart clip below has been such a hit. My professional work lacks the courage and honesty of an 8-minute comedy act. Well, maybe one day I'll be able to say that Comedy Central was an intellectual inspiration.

Oh, and one more rant here--this time by Frank Schaeffer, yes, the son of the L'abri founders.

must watch, must share

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

more funny dog pictures

I love my life and I love my God, but this picture really says it all!

to be free

During times like these, I am ever mindful of and thankful for the body of Christ and friends who are willing to speak with honesty and love.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me whole-heartedly, you will find me.

Romans 15:13
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

1 John 4:18
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

2 Samuel 22:3, 32, David's Song of Praise
My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation.
He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior--
from violent men you save me.

[. . . .]

For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?

Psalm 31:2-3
Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Psalm 61:1-2

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.

² From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

cough

Been ill with a cough and sore throat. Spent most of the past couple of days sleeping and watching TV. Feel like canceling class tomorrow morning, actually. Sigh. Still feel really heavy-headed and not myself. Glad that I'm able to rest but wish I didn't feel so bad!!!! I suppose if I didn't feel this bad, I wouldn't rest. :)