This season, I'm learning that I don't respond well to electronic correspondence that are typed in more aggressive tones than their authors probably mean them. For example:
"Why are you still so stressed?? You should be happier now!!! Stop being stressed!!!!"
That. Just. Doesn't. Work.
Now, if the author had written this:
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling anxious. I don't know what's causing you to feel that way, but I hope you can figure out how to relax a little more. It might help you be more productive too. Let me know if I can help in any way."
Yeah. I would certainly prefer seeing the second message to the first one.
And here's a different example of a stress-producing communicative:
"You know, you just don't have much time, and you really need to get them to do XXX because everything hangs in the balance. And what if something goes wrong? Then you really need to have YYY lined up."
This second example isn't so terrible, especially compared to the first example. But here's how I might rewrite that message:
"Oh hey, that's great news! There are still challenges ahead and you're not out of the woods yet, but this is certainly positive! The next step would be to emphasize that you need XXX. I would also consider plans such as YYY just in case something unexpected happens. The unexpected has happened a few too many times to be uncommon, really. That way, you would have all your bases covered. But good job, and full steam ahead!"
I mean, we all want the same results, right? In both examples, messages No. 2, i.e. the fantasy re-write, would motivate me in more positive ways. After both messages No. 1, I just had to check-out of the world for awhile just to re-center and get my bearings again.
On the one hand, Poster 1 is angry that I'm stressed. And Poster 2 thinks that I'm not stressed out enough. Crazy making, folks. Cra-a-a-a-z-i-e-e-e making.
And thankful for friends who do share their experiences with me in more positive language even if what they talk about isn't always so positive. And even more thankful for friends who help me translate some of the negativity into terms that aren't going to mess with my head.
A friend in the corporate world just told me that she has started a spreadsheet to keep track of who's being negative or cursing. LOL. I'm not sure I want to do that, but it makes for a funny story.
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Update:
Poster of Example No. 1 above sent me a forward yesterday with the heading: "Practical for People with Problems!"
Are you effing kidding me? "Hey YOU! You're a person with problems!! Listen up!" How rude, and disrespectful, and demeaning.
Corporate Friend helped me with a positive rewrite because I was so offended I couldn't see a way out. Her rewrite is, "Practical tips for a happier life."
See? How do we live without our friends?
"Why are you still so stressed?? You should be happier now!!! Stop being stressed!!!!"
That. Just. Doesn't. Work.
Now, if the author had written this:
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling anxious. I don't know what's causing you to feel that way, but I hope you can figure out how to relax a little more. It might help you be more productive too. Let me know if I can help in any way."
Yeah. I would certainly prefer seeing the second message to the first one.
And here's a different example of a stress-producing communicative:
"You know, you just don't have much time, and you really need to get them to do XXX because everything hangs in the balance. And what if something goes wrong? Then you really need to have YYY lined up."
This second example isn't so terrible, especially compared to the first example. But here's how I might rewrite that message:
"Oh hey, that's great news! There are still challenges ahead and you're not out of the woods yet, but this is certainly positive! The next step would be to emphasize that you need XXX. I would also consider plans such as YYY just in case something unexpected happens. The unexpected has happened a few too many times to be uncommon, really. That way, you would have all your bases covered. But good job, and full steam ahead!"
I mean, we all want the same results, right? In both examples, messages No. 2, i.e. the fantasy re-write, would motivate me in more positive ways. After both messages No. 1, I just had to check-out of the world for awhile just to re-center and get my bearings again.
On the one hand, Poster 1 is angry that I'm stressed. And Poster 2 thinks that I'm not stressed out enough. Crazy making, folks. Cra-a-a-a-z-i-e-e-e making.
And thankful for friends who do share their experiences with me in more positive language even if what they talk about isn't always so positive. And even more thankful for friends who help me translate some of the negativity into terms that aren't going to mess with my head.
A friend in the corporate world just told me that she has started a spreadsheet to keep track of who's being negative or cursing. LOL. I'm not sure I want to do that, but it makes for a funny story.
----
Update:
Poster of Example No. 1 above sent me a forward yesterday with the heading: "Practical for People with Problems!"
Are you effing kidding me? "Hey YOU! You're a person with problems!! Listen up!" How rude, and disrespectful, and demeaning.
Corporate Friend helped me with a positive rewrite because I was so offended I couldn't see a way out. Her rewrite is, "Practical tips for a happier life."
See? How do we live without our friends?
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