A Story of Homecoming

Excerpt from Henri Nouwen's "The Return of the Prodigal Son":

What happened to the son in the distant country? Aside from all the material and physical consequences, what were the inner consequences of the son's leaving home? The sequence of events is quite predictable. The farther I run away from the place where God dwells, the less I am able to hear the voice that calls me the Beloved, and the less I hear that voice, the more entangled I become in the manipulations and power games of the world.

It goes somewhat like this: I am not so sure anymore that I have a safe home, and I observe other people who seem to be better off than I. I wonder how I can get to where they are. I try hard to please, to achieve success, to be recognized. When I fail, I feel jealous or resentful of these others. When I succeed, I worry that others will be jealous or resentful of me. I become suspicious or defensive and increasingly afraid that I won't get what I so much desire or will lose what I already have.

Caught in this tangle of needs and wants, I no longer know my own motivations. I feel victimized by my surroundings and distrustful of what others are doing or saying. Always on my guard, I lose my inner freedom and start dividing the world into those who are for me and those who are against me. I wonder if anyone really cares. I start looking for validations of my distrust. And wherever I go, I see them, and I say: "No one can be trusted." And then I wonder whether anyone ever really loved me. The world around me becomes dark. My heart grows heavy. My body is filled with sorrows. My life loses meaning. I have become a lost soul (page 47).

. . . . The younger son's return takes place in the very moment that he claims his sonship, even though he has lost all dignity that belongs to it. In fact, it was the lost of everything that brought him to the bottom line of his identity. . . . This realization became the basis for his choice to live instead of die. Once he had come again in touch with the truth of his sonship, he could hear--although faintly--the voice calling him the Beloved, and feel--although distantly--the touch of blessing.

This awareness and confidence in his father's love, misty as it may have been, gave him the strength to claim for his sonship, even though that claim could not be based on any merit (page 49).