energy!

YES!!! This post is not about how I'm lethargic, anemic (metaphorically speaking), or depressed (more or less metaphorical as well). I woke up at 7:30am and I've been moving slowly all morning but at least I've been moving! I have been sipping a very strong cup of HK-style milk tea so that might have something to do with it. HK-style milk tea is similar to M'sia's teh tarik; they're both loaded with caffeine. I prefer teh tarik, of course, but this will do every now and then. Caffeine does put me a little on edge so I really should commit to finding a green tea substitute. Green tea is also high in caffeine but the way the tea is processed (or plucked, dried, whatever) makes it a "softer" kind of tea. That is, it gives you the benefits of caffeine without its side effects.

But this new-found energy is not just a result of the tea, I think it's a result of two other things I'm doing as well. The first is, of course, badminton! I played three hours last night with a fairly decent group and was super tired out last night. I was afraid that I would be fatigued this morning but that hasn't happened. In retrospect, I think that I'm someone with a lot of nervous energy and if I don't channel that energy somewhere, my body somehow goes into the opposite direction and shuts down. It's weird but I'm now convinced that if I don't get enough exercise, I just feel sleepy and tired. I think I have a busy weekend ahead: thinking of going windsurfing on Sat morning, badminton on Sat night, then TWO sessions of badminton on Sun evening (trying out one new club and playing at my regular club), plus trying out another new club on Mon night, and then possibly playing for a second time at a different club (the club I played at last night for the first time) on Tues night. That would mean four consecutive days of a lot of exercise. It might be overkill but then again, maybe my body can handle it.

The second more important reason for this new found energy is theological. I've been enjoying the online sermons of a friend's former pastor. His sermons are only 30 mins long but I almost always learn something new. As I said in the post below, I've been listening to his sermon series on time and work and two insights have really made a large impact on my life this week. First, the insight that our life's rhythms are pegged to the seven-day schedule where everything we need to do in life, we have to do within seven days. That is, everything important to us has to take place within the seven day cycle, including work, play, and relationships. This means that we need to find time to rest within the week. And we need to find time to work and be in relationship with others as well.

I've been tired and I tried resting and resting and resting until I felt rested. That didn't work even though it sounds like it should work. This week, I'm trying an experiment. Yes, I still feel tired but I'm going to try to include as much work into my day as possible. Today is only Wednesday but I think there is truth to this seven-day-cycle idea. An old childhood friend made the observation a few weeks ago that I'm a "woman of extremes." It came up when I told her I was telling her that I'm picking up windsurfing. Her immediate reaction was to ask "When are you turning pro?" I laughed because I had thought seriously about it (and came to the conclusion that it would take far too many years to turn pro). But it was helpful for me to think about this. Being someone of "extremes" is useful at times because I push myself. But sometimes, it's more detrimental to life in general because I neglect other areas of my life and burn out on one thing.

The second insight from his sermons is that work is hard. You'll have to listen to his sermon yourself to understand the idea fully because this post is getting too long. But wow, that flummoxed me and it was also liberating. Work is hard. Why should I be surprised to find that it is hard? My mind and spirit have been shut down because I just couldn't face the work I was supposed to be doing. It has been such a struggle to get started on it and it is still such a struggle. But I'm going to keep going for now and see what happens.

This is different from doing a job that is "wrong" for you. I don't know if this job is right or wrong for me because I have never given my all. And right now, I'm excited by the thought of trying things out. I'm scared to death of failing. I'm scared to death of finding out that it is "wrong" for me and that I might not have the skills for it. But I shouldn't let that fear stop me from trying things out. And trying it out will be hard. But that's okay because work is hard.