There are so many things that I thought would happen by now.
I thought I would be done with the project by now. And most of it is, actually, so I shouldn't complain too much.
But I also thought I would be much more relaxed this summer. And I am more relaxed this summer, actually, so I shouldn't complain too much. I'm just not as relaxed as I thought I would be.
As it turns out, I have more work than I thought I would have. Whether or not I complete this work and how well I complete it has no bearing on the well-being of any other person on this planet besides me.
So I'm not working to please anyone else--at this moment--but it's an irony of this line of work that if I do not do work well, the person that is harmed the most eventually, is me.
A friend of a friend--my friend too, kind of--who works in the banking industry once said that I'm more like an entrepreneur than a teacher in some ways. And she's right. I think she actually understands the pressures of my job more than our mutual friend does.
If an entrepreneur doesn't work at his or her job, who suffers the most?
I can skive on teaching for sure, and then my students will suffer. But most of us don't skive on teaching because it just feels terrible. The first thing to go is always that other thing that brings us the greatest reward .... or punishment.
It's the first to go because it is the hardest to do, and because we are tired out after doing everything else. At this point, I'm tired because it's been an already long race, but I'm not done yet. There's a race after the race.
Can I give up on these races? I don't always know. At this point it's a maybe but not really. It doesn't feel like I can give up on it. Are our feelings true? Is this a feeling, or is this a judgment?
Well. What is true is that all good gifts come from God. I'll just do what I can even if I feel like I am stumbling and limping along. Sometimes, I'm just collapsed on the side of the road for awhile, but hopefully not for too long.
A few days ago, God said that 90% of my work is done when I just show up at the office. Meaning, He'll take care of everything else if I just sit in front of my computer. Fine by me. All You, Lord. It's all You.
I thought I would be done with the project by now. And most of it is, actually, so I shouldn't complain too much.
But I also thought I would be much more relaxed this summer. And I am more relaxed this summer, actually, so I shouldn't complain too much. I'm just not as relaxed as I thought I would be.
As it turns out, I have more work than I thought I would have. Whether or not I complete this work and how well I complete it has no bearing on the well-being of any other person on this planet besides me.
So I'm not working to please anyone else--at this moment--but it's an irony of this line of work that if I do not do work well, the person that is harmed the most eventually, is me.
A friend of a friend--my friend too, kind of--who works in the banking industry once said that I'm more like an entrepreneur than a teacher in some ways. And she's right. I think she actually understands the pressures of my job more than our mutual friend does.
If an entrepreneur doesn't work at his or her job, who suffers the most?
I can skive on teaching for sure, and then my students will suffer. But most of us don't skive on teaching because it just feels terrible. The first thing to go is always that other thing that brings us the greatest reward .... or punishment.
It's the first to go because it is the hardest to do, and because we are tired out after doing everything else. At this point, I'm tired because it's been an already long race, but I'm not done yet. There's a race after the race.
Can I give up on these races? I don't always know. At this point it's a maybe but not really. It doesn't feel like I can give up on it. Are our feelings true? Is this a feeling, or is this a judgment?
Well. What is true is that all good gifts come from God. I'll just do what I can even if I feel like I am stumbling and limping along. Sometimes, I'm just collapsed on the side of the road for awhile, but hopefully not for too long.
A few days ago, God said that 90% of my work is done when I just show up at the office. Meaning, He'll take care of everything else if I just sit in front of my computer. Fine by me. All You, Lord. It's all You.
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