So last night's decision was pretty major and I'm happy with it. I probably got only about 4 hrs of sleep after all the tossing and turning but am feeling pretty good this morning. As most of my friends and loved ones point out, stress is a major cause of insomnia and I've noticed that certain things--office politics and job insecurities among them--trigger especially virulent bouts of insomnia. Last night's was terrible but I realize that I worked through a few things in the process. Perhaps this was one of my "dark nights of the soul"? It's not wise to post about the major issue I worked through but I can talk about some of it!
I think I've said this before in previous posts, and I wish I had the sense to tag those posts, but every good thing I've had since starting grad school has come from the Lord. (I'm sure that is true of life before grad school too but right now I can't remember that far back!) I have not played a major role in obtaining the great blessings in my work life: the postdoc at UCLA; my job here at HKU (yes, it's stressful but it's still been a blessing); being invited to be part of the editorial board of a small, new journal (I have no idea who they are so they certainly don't know me); being asked to be a reviewer at a journal (how did they find me too??); and the recent GRF (my grant proposal was super messy and not very clear now that I look back on it). All these things are important little steps in my journey and I did nothing to deserve them. I'm sure there are many other blessings too but these are the ones that mean the most to me right now.
I've been made to slog very hard for the one journal pub I have, and I will have to slog very hard over the next pub in the pipeline, so while they are also blessings, man, I have to earn these ones. Teaching has also been a blessing for which I've had to work hard. I recently found out that my teaching evaluation scores for the most recent semester were slight above the dept average in all areas. Personally, the stats don't matter to me as much as the written comments--I haven't seen the ones for the most recent semester--but I know the numbers will matter when I go through my annual review meeting early next week. So, for this, I am very thankful too.
I am sorry if I grumble too much and I am trying to be more thankful. I am especially thankful for friends who don't give up on me!! Prayer has been dry for a very long time and I haven't had the "feel good" spiritual highs for awhile. But God does give wisdom to those who ask for it. That is irrefutable.
Update
Despite the lack of sleep, I've had a very alert and productive day, woohoo!!
