Listening as Spiritual Hospitality

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.

Henri Nouwen

on hospitality

"Every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is friendship, marriage, or community, creates space where strangers can enter and become friends. Good relationships are hospitable."

-- Henri Nouwen

Lenten reflections

I've been feeling like something's amiss this week, and I feel a profound sense of restlessness and disconnection. A friend recommended a process, RAIN that's helped. Here are some of the key exercises:

R -- Recognize the experience and the emotions without judging. Name the emotions if possible.

A -- Allow those emotions to be there. We don't like some of our emotions, but we can accept them.

I -- Investigate why you are going through this. This is not always necessary but can be revealing.

N -- Non-identification with the emotions. We are not our emotions, and this is freeing.


I came to realize that I miss many of my deep friendships from the US. The university was a wonderful place where I met many people whom I came to care about very much even if I'm not always in touch with most of them. But what we all did in that setting was to sit with one another on each of our journeys despite our quite often vast differences.

Yes, we were all students of some sort--from the physical sciences, human sciences, humanities, arts, etc.--and we met because we were students, but all of us still led widely disparate lives with very little in common besides the fact that we were students. We came from the continents of Africa, the Americas, Europe, and Asia. Even during college, some of us were older than most of us, and in grad school, some of us were fresh out of university but many of us weren't, so we weren't even part of the same age group. Becky, Sarah, Dean Reese, Miao Laoshi, Maggie, Ron, Hannah, Sanford, Danielle, Val, Barbara, Bill, Carole....different ages, different backgrounds, different life experiences.

But we sat with one another and listened to one another's stories, and that's how we became friends. Of course it was awkward sometimes, and boring sometimes, and confusing sometimes, but we eventually built rich relationships.

That's what I miss most--the expectation that deep friendships can emerge out of unexpected places.

Lent

Food for thought.

sigh

Why did I choose this line of work? Because I thought my teachers were so cool and I wanted to be like them.

I don't feel this way about most of my colleagues, but I'm starting to feel this way about some of my senior colleagues here now. They're so cool, and I want to be part of their club....This is probably not the best way to pick a career, but it is what it is.

#fangirl

Corny

The parents are traveling and they saw this across from their hotel. It's an auspicious sign. The characters aren't the same, but close enough.

Spring

A few more weeks of cold but spring is on its way

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Uncanny

Took a three week break from exercise and went back on court last night. Coach asked if I lost weight because my limbs look thinner.

Weighed myself at the clinic this morning, and I have lost 2kg. Probably of muscle though. These athletes read bodies the way we read words on a page.

rhythms

Prescription for Dr Z:

"One totally guilt-free weekend"

Dr T

Chap Goh Meh

People who feel like family.

Newsflash

We're all a little crazy.

The people around us are all a little crazy. We may be crazy in different ways. But we're all a little crazy.

So, it's perfectly normal for me to wonder if I'm crazy.

Because we all are.

End of story.

Another gift

Another Korean colleague gave me this. Her mother in law to be made it and it's used to wash dishes. (She made many of them so my colleague is giving some away.)

Gift from colleague

As always, thankful for the good words of friends

Like horses, we have strength
God gives us our strength

(I'm sure there are better translations out there.)

Job 39:19-25 New International Version (NIV)

19 “Do you give the horse its strength
or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?
20 Do you make it leap like a locust,
striking terror with its proud snorting?
21 It paws fiercely, rejoicing in its strength,
and charges into the fray.
22 It laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
it does not shy away from the sword.
23 The quiver rattles against its side,
along with the flashing spear and lance.
24 In frenzied excitement it eats up the ground;
it cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.
25 At the blast of the trumpet it snorts, ‘Aha!’
It catches the scent of battle from afar,
the shout of commanders and the battle cry.

wonders of wonders

I bumped into my colleague down the hall after the CNY break, and she asked me, "Are you glad to be back?" "You mean to work?" "Yeah."

I thought about it for a second, and said, "Yes, actually I am!!"

Coming in earlier than others helped me get started on this week's revisions, and now I'm in the middle of the penultimate chapter, so there's none of the horrible omg-my-head-hurts-this-sucks pain associated with "getting started." Only one more chapter, and I am close to being done with this cycle. So yeah, I'm glad to be in my office today.

I think my colleague--very senior, white, woman who'll be returning to the U of Arizona by the end of this year, actually--just loves her work and that's what she meant by her question. I'm not so sure I can say at this point that I "love" my work. (My boss and other mentors would probably tell me to not think about this question for the present moment.)

But today, I love coming back to work because it gives me a very good reason to stop reading about what Trump is doing in his first two weeks. He is not a wise man. With no experience in either public policy, public service, or the law, he seems to think that he can do anything he wants.....but well, you know, there's a reason why experience matters. Bad policies--regardless of sentiment or good will--can have very bad effects.

If someone who doesn't understand the university comes in to run the university without consulting faculty, staff, and students.....that person will create chaos and hell for everyone involved. Even senior administrators who push through policies without consultation or deep thought can cause great misery. Common sense. No experience = study, listen, study, listen

No wonder the Bible affirms servant leaders.

But, back to work. And as difficult as it is, I will follow this lead:

"I am reading, listening, studying, and praying. I have chosen my way forward.

I will not do violence to you by my thoughts, words, or actions. I do not want to shame, humiliate, or harm you. I will pray for you, America, and myself.

I will not be passive. I will resist you with love and seek your good, not because I am especially fond of you but because I believe God loves you, even as God loves Muslims, immigrants and refugees, women, the disabled, and Mexicans.

I will not make my fight against you, other people, political parties, races, or religions. I will make my fight against injustice and the forces of darkness."

So glad I got the flowers. They turned out really pretty and they are indigenous to HK as opposed to flowers like narcissus and orchids that are flown in from other parts of Asia.

Chili paste

Got rid of all the seeds and it still turned out super spicy.

Cny eve

Apparently the goal is to get flowers that bloom on the first day of the new year.

CNY festivities

I guess there's no getting away from crowds during the new year, either here or back home.

When someone has the bug, they have the bug. It never goes away.

Resistance truly is futile.

Gearing up for the Year of the Rooster

Had friends over yesterday and it was a good reason to start cleaning for the new year.

Also amazing to have friends who have come to know me so well and who speak truth into my life. They don't let me get away with anything.

Deadlines

Will I meet my deadline? That is the question.

There's so much to be thankful for, but sometimes I kinda hate my job. Like right now.

Air plants my aunt gave me

Arrangement by me.

work life and illusions

I need to figure out a way to keep an even keel at work. I get angry when people treat my friends badly, and it throws me off my own life. And yes, bad things happen in the university. Seriously, why does the university have so many jerks?

something needs rethinking

I went on vacation and still feel tired. This qualifies as a WTF moment.

Childhood memories