here we go again

It's really funny. I had a pretty good first week in Ithaca, but now the stress and anxiety are slowly returning. I have a pretty good idea why, but I suppose I'll just have to keep struggling with all the negative feelings and the fears.

On a brighter note, dorm life has been time-consuming (very much so), but it's also been going well and the people in the house are really interesting to talk to and to observe.

Someone in my CF shared this post below, and I really enjoyed it:

He kept dragging his feet.

About this month last year I and a group of friends decided to set out to find success. My friends decided to set out immediately but I thought I should first spend sometime talking to My Lord about it.

"Jesus" I said "I want to be just like you. I want to do the extraordinary. I want to excel in all areas of my life. Lord I want to be a champion; I want to soar above the clouds of success. Lord I am really thinking big I want to be EVERYTHING you have planned for me to be. Lord Unleash the champion in me."

The Lord smiled as he looked at me. "Well done my child" he said "I am so glad you have chosen the highest calling of life and I am glad you have come to me for help. For I know the best way to get there. We will set off first thing tomorrow. Consider this your beginning my child, at first light tomorrow we begin.

I got myself ready that night. Sleep was the last thing on my mind. I kept imagining the great things I was going to accomplish. I could already see the best life had to offer, lined up in front of me to take up. One by one my mind accessed them. Then finally, I went to bed, anxious to start this high call.

The Lord kept his promise at first light he came to my door. I was eager to get started. I swung my backpack on my shoulder, fastened my boots and grabbed my torch just in case we would be out till late. We set out and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I knew there was so much in store for me.

At times we walked side by side; at times the Lord carried me in his strong arms. But then during our walk I noticed there were several times my Lord slowed down, and so many times he wanted us to stop for a rest. At times I thought he was simply dragging his feet! He seemed more interested in showing me the scenery than getting to the place of success.

"My Lord," I finally cried "much faster," and as politely as I could I added "You know I can’t wait to get to this beautiful place." At times he did hurry at times he seemed to slow down even more! "Patience my child" he said "patience."

I tried to make the most of the journey and ask him about my assignments. "Lord, what will be my first assignment? I am sure there will be much to do." "Indeed my child" he replied "that is why your first assignment will be, to learn to trust."

"To trust?" I asked "What do you mean my Lord?" "When the toughest storms in life come at you," he replied "and the winds of life push your boat seemingly off course, I want you my child to trust that I am right beside you in the midst of the storms and that the wind blows at my command."

I grew sad, I thought about how far we had already come and how crucial this journey was at this point in my life "and yet he now tells me to simply trust!" I remembered how he was dragging his feet. I thought about my other friends and how they should have already attained success.

I was so deep in thought I didn’t realize, when my Lord picked me up to carry me again. "Lord" I finally said "is there anything else you would like me to do now?" "Yes my child" he said softly "right now I would like you too keep still."

"Keep still my Lord?!" I was furious. "But I thought I am going to get to do great works!" "My Lord" I said "then why did we set out if it was only to keep still? Lord I am so ready to work, look, I brought my tools! Lord I am so ready to push, so ready to pull. Lord I even brought my best boots! Why my Lord; why keep still when there is so much to do?"

"I know my child" he whispered, "I saw your tools and boots but right now please be still; I am carrying you through the den of lions where many of your friends lost their lives.