More friendship

Friends who rally around are worth their weight in gold. Like her father, this friend's love language is acts of service. So cute. I don't think she realizes how much she takes after her mom and dad.

Word

I just spoke to a funny, female senior colleague about a small worry I had, and she told me that I need to have a "hard heart," and that I need to "toughen up" or I'm never going to make it in this line of work. That's what Carole told me too when I was about to start graduate school.

And of course, neither one of these women have hard hearts, at least in my book. I think what they mean is that I need to let other people bother me. Other people have their own shit to deal with, and they may try to make it my problem, but hey, it's really their problem.

People, deal with your own shit. No truer words have been said.

chats

Had chats with some of the girls from my old home group yesterday, and this morning. My close friends here keep saying that I've changed a lot. I don't see it so much.....maybe a little. But they say it's very marked.

But you know, if I have changed, it is not only God's work, but God working through his church. He brought people very different from me into my life, and they accepted who I was. That gave me freedom to think about taking small steps. Without them, I probably wouldn't have.

Now I know just how important his church is.

The people God is bringing around me during this season--at work, friendships, and the church--are modeling kindness and gentleness by treating me kindly, and gently. But they also urge me and remind me to be kind and gentle with myself and others. You can't yell someone into kindness and gentleness. You can't demand that they become kinder and gentler. And you can't expect someone to become that. It's God's work, after all.

Friends

God's work: pulling together very different people and making them friends who teach, share, encourage, and love one another. This would not have been possible if it had been left up to me.

more on baddy

Yeah, it's crazy how much I think about baddy these days. Outside of work, I spend most of my time on court, and even when I'm not on court, I think about baddy too. Part of it has to do with how I'm obsessed about making certain changes to my game and I drive myself nuts because I can't seem to change my muscle memory. (Years of playing a certain way will do that to you.) And a part of it has to do with what I'm learning about grace.

As a single woman, I'm always, always, always so thankful for my platonic guy friends. That I love my girl-friends goes without saying. But the world often doesn't recognize that we all need healthy relationships with folks of both genders. (I'll save that rant for another time.) On court, the guys--most of whom are way better than us girls--have been "yelling" at me because I play poorly, and I probably sound like a masochist, but I am so grateful to them. Because one cannot quickly change the way one's muscles work, they have to correct my form repeatedly, and that is grace on their part. Sometimes, I get yelled at so much that I feel demoralized and close to tears, but when I am able to think clearly, I know how privileged I am, and how my game will improve when I am able to institute these basic changes.

Last night, another woman was really struggling with her game because we were playing against a strong pair, and during our game, I realized I was starting to sound like Chi Wai, one of the men who has been helping me with my XD game. I parroted what Chi Wai says to me all the time: "It's okay, don't worry, just relax." "It's okay, it's just a game, no problem! Don't worry, just play." My friend's game slowly got better, and after that session she thanked me at least three times. When I checked Facebook after getting home that night, she had sent me a message with just two words. "Thank you."

I realized for the first time how extending grace to others in the club is important because I've been given so much myself. Of all the girls in our club, I get yelled at the most, so I know how terrible it feels to be a weak link in the team. But, I also know how amazing it is to have teammates who accept you as you are, but who also do the hard work of speaking truth into your life. That's community. And increasingly, I see how much grace is needed among the people with whom I play baddy. I don't see myself spending this much time on baddy in the future, but for now, it is teaching me so much about life and it gives me an opportunity to be blessed myself, and to bless others also.

Before bed, I finished a chapter of John Ortberg's Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them, and in the exercise section, he had a simple scale on which we can gauge how open we are to our communities, either care groups, family, or friends, etc. I was shocked to realize that I am the most open with by baddy community, followed by my care group here, and that I am the least open with my family. (I left out my close friends scattered all around the world.) What do I do with that?

ouch

I finally bit the bullet and went to the physiotherapy unit, and was told there that I need to take a break from all forms of exercise to allow my arm to recover. I think the entire clinic heard my exclamation of surprise. I went in thinking that my therapist would teach me better stretches (she did do that too), and I did not expect her to tell me that I cannot use my arm. Well, guess who's not telling her physiotherapist that she has an XD match on Sunday morning?

I also need to go back for several sessions of therapy. After my first session yesterday, my arm felt a lot looser and more relaxed....and also weaker. I don't think I can hold a racket right now. But, I won't be going to the gym or playing before Sunday's game, and luckily, after Sunday's match, I won't have another match until March, so I'll have time to let my arm heal. My arm already feels a little better after yesterday's treatment, and two days ago, the university finally installed a temporary keyboard drawer that allows me to work without putting stress on my wrist, arm and shoulder. (It only took them about four months to follow-up on my request.)

Once, when I was in college, I went to the health center for an appointment, and the nurse asked if I was an athlete. I said, yes, I play varsity squash, but why do you ask? She explained that women in general are more likely to put up with pain, and women athletes, even more so. The nurse said that they take female athletes very seriously when they complain about pain because it's more likely to be serious. I thought it was funny then, but I know better now.

I can't go into this in great detail now because I'm working on a new syllabus--classes start next week, yikes!--but I am very thankful for the church homegroup I've been attending the past five months. I learn a lot from the vulnerability and trust the group members show each other, and I learn a lot from the lessons they are going through right now. 

lemon balm

If you're a woman who is looking for a powerful herb that actually helps ease one's monthly agonies, try lemon balm. I've used it in teas twice now and it does help. I'm very glad I found it, and while my plant is barely surviving now, the herb is reportedly easy to grow.

The black thumb strikes again.

on singleness

I don't have an ergonomic work station right now because the air in my office makes me sick (and the safety office keeps telling me that the air quality is excellent, so I must be crazy). It's hard to write long posts for the time being because my wrist and neck hurt when I use a non-ergonomic desk, i.e. my table at home. My apt is too small for me to set up a suitable work station.

Anyway, here's a fairly long article on singleness that I think is very thoughtful and well-written. I'm not an extrovert, so my version of happy-singlehood looks a little different. I have not always been happy about being single but I am happy now, and it is a wonderful place to be. I do have to be careful not to let my single life be self-centered though. I think that it is perfectly fine and in fact, necessary for me to take care of myself, and as someone who is introverted, it does mean a lot of time alone, and on the badminton court. Without that time alone, I start to become a horrible person. Badminton does make me happy, and being single means I can play in team competitions right now, something that I'm happy to be able to do during this season of my life.

But I haven't been able to take on responsibilities recently, and now I will start taking on more. This year, I've joined the children's ministry at my church, and will be helping out at a teacher's assistant in the class with kids aged 3-4. It's been two weeks and I am loving it! I will also probably step up to co-lead a team of ushers for the church. Nothing's confirmed yet though.

Because my church numbers between two to three thousand, and we have three services that meet on four different floors in the same building--yes, it is a bit of a logistical nightmare--co-leading a team of ushers actually will entail a bit of work. This year, the leader of the whole welcome-team, i.e. the volunteer who works with the leaders of the various teams, wants us to take on more of a pastoral role. We cannot take the place of home group leaders but the role will require more than "find volunteers to fill in the slots" which is tough in itself. The previous leaders of my team have really had to scramble to find volunteers sometimes. It does seem strange that we don't hv enough volunteers when our church is so large. And most of us who volunteer also usually volunteer to serve in multiple capacities, so.....

thanks for the concern, but....

I had a short, funny exchange with an old friend who recently got married, at the end of which she said, "If you're brave enough, you should read some books on sex. I didn't, and I wish now that I had because they would have been helpful." I replied, "I don't think that's my concern right now, dear."

My friends make me laugh!

stages of life

I'm not sure what stage of life I'm going through now, but sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode. I'm not as productive as I'd like to be at work but I still feel like I'm learning a ton. So many different thoughts are running through my head these days, and some of it I manage to put down in my paper diary, and some of them I put here. But far too many slip away!

I've put Kenneth Bailey aside for awhile because his writing is quite dry, and now I'm reading Nouwen's "The Genesee Diary" before bed. Watching a spiritual giant struggle with discipline, focus, prayer, faith, and gentleness reminds me to be more patient with myself. Will also be ordering Walter Brueggemann's "Introduction to the Old Testament" and "Theology of the Old Testament" so that I can learn more about the Old Testament. Those won't come for awhile, but I'm not worried because I have 3-4 of Ken Bailey's books still sitting on my desk! I'm also thinking of getting NT Wright's 3-volume Christian Origins and the Question of God, but let's see how I feel tomorrow.

I bought the Kindle edition of Beyond Sex Roles and after the first chapter on the Genesis passages, I became an egalitarian. That said, I do think that the commonalities between egalitarians and complementarians are far stronger and more important than their differences. But the biblical interpretation in Bilezikian is so impressive. I wish I could pay such close attention to the texts with which I work!

The only thing I regret is having gotten the book on Kindle for Android. Even though I loved being able to start reading the book almost immediately, I really really wish the kindle app shows page numbers. There is no way to say, turn to page XX for an example of how the author changed the way I think of church leadership in and of itself! By changing the way we understand the nature and constitution of leadership within the church, the question of whether or not a woman can be a leader becomes moot. (And then, for good measure, he goes on to provide numerous biblical examples of women leaders in the home and in church anyway.)

I'm tempted to also get this other book with essays from evangelical leaders and pastors on how they became egalitarians because some of the reviewers were particularly impressed with Cornelius Plantinga's essay, but I can't decide if I want to get it via Kindle, or get the hard copy so I can loan it out.


This question of woman's place in the Bible has dogged me for awhile, and I've evaded answering the question for myself until now. I had a conversation about this with my CG leader and his wife when I was still in LA and they are complementarians, and after talking to them, I found out that they are not very different from egalitarians, really, and their position is similar to this book here. Complementarians also agree that women are equal in the eyes of God, they merely argue that men and women have different cultural roles to play.

I still need to think more about the idea that men and women have different roles because I think there are good lessons to be gleaned there, but I am also convinced that the exegetical and hermeneutical work found in the egalitarian position gets us closer to what God may have envisioned for his creation.

Part of me realizes that my hesitance to come down on one side or the other of the gender debate has something to do with how I'm afraid that my position will make the pool of single, available, Christian men even smaller than it already is. That may be the case, but I am now convinced that my response is an act of obedience and faith. Strangely enough, reading this book here on the complementarian position was what gave me the courage because it pointed out that God is the one who provides what we need, including our spouses, so I will stick to my convictions.