"Faith is simply to trust the real, and to trust that God is found within it--even before we change it," Richard Rohr, Falling Upward, pp 63.

Falling Up

I'm going between a few different books now, but a visiting pastor to our church mentioned this book at least twice in his sermon, so it caught my attention. Richard Rohr on "falling up."

It's pretty complex for a Christian book. Most Christian books are DIY books. Here's how to change your life so that you'll be happier. And I love them because of course there are things that need changing in my life. And who wouldn't want to experience God more fully and completely?

But this book is different because it takes a more philosophical approach, at least from what I've read so far. Look at these myths in our society. They share these premises, and--of course--these desires are a desire for God.

I'm only at the beginning, and I should probably post about it later, but he seems to think that we need to experience X (security, laws, frameworks, mirroring i.e. deserved praise) when we are young. Those who don't experience those things can never move on to "Stage Two."

However, even those who experience X (or "Stage One") also need to move on to "Stage Two." He seems to draw from Carl Jung because he prefaces each chapter with a quote from Jung. I'm not familiar with Jung at all, but some basic ideas from psychoanalysis seem recognizable.

Well, I hope "Stage Two" blows my socks off or I'm going to hate spending all this time trying to understand "Stage One."

we serve an almighty God

Psalm 113:5-6

Who is like the LORD our God, 

Who is enthroned on high,

Who humbles Himself to behold

The things that are in heaven and in the earth?

Autumn festival

Gifts

We prayed.

We read.

We waited.

And He stopped time.


#lectiodivina
#facultyfellowship

Two steps forward, one step back

The past three weeks have been a period of waiting for news regarding a work project. Some times I was victorious in the waiting, but Thursday night was certainly a dark time. I received the news yesterday and felt a great deal of relief. However, the project still needs a lot of work in the upcoming two weeks.

On the one hand, I am encouraged, and on the other hand....I just feel tired. But the Lord is our strength, and he will be with me in the working as in the waiting.

Romans 8:26-28The Message (MSG)

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Ark retreat

Alvin's prayer

Lord you know us more than we know ourselves. You know the source of our worries, anxieties and fears. None of those things are hidden from you. Pour your love and light into these areas as we wait upon you. Help us know Lord: all will be well.

mind blown again!

This has got to be the best argument against perfectionism I've ever read:

Perfectionists fail to accept that the world, and all of the people in it, are flawed. Understanding that concept is something that can fuel compassion, foster empathy, and help you develop healthy structures for continuously improving your own performance.

It’s fair to say that doing something the wrong way, whether at work or in a relationship, feels bad. By contrast, doing something the right way feels good. This is a core concept underlying the self-regulating systems of internal rewards that drive motivation. With a healthy, growth-oriented mindset, navigating these pathways will help us to increase our capacities in the most important areas of our lives.

In order to put that idea to use, we must be willing to make mistakes along the way. Sometimes we will not do things the right way. Someone who accepts that reality would understand that the mistakes we make are learning opportunities, glean what lessons they can from their experiences, and work on improving. The perfectionist fights reality. They do not want the bad feelings that come along with making mistakes. They drastically overestimate the pain that will be caused by those bad feelings. They become paralyzed. They do not grow.

Perfectionism is an incapacitating force. It stops us from connecting with the real, but it also stops us from connecting with others. The inward perfectionist will never feel good enough to be loved or appreciated, the outward perfectionist will always find the flaws in the details, unable to find redeeming virtues that are plainly visible to the rest of us.

Habits are hard to break, but the mechanics of overcoming perfectionism are easy to put into practice. All you have to do is be willing to make a lot of mistakes.

thoughts on thanksgiving

Giving thanks is an act of faith. To do so in the face of what we see proclaims that we believe that God is already at work in every situation. And when we take the time to thank God for already working, we are reminded that He is the author of all good works. We are participants in the work that he has set into motion. In that posture of submission, we are both humbled and honored to be called co-workers of Christ.

Basically, I don't know why, but giving thanks helps me feel joy when left to my own devices, I feel only confusion and fear. 

Signed up for a retreat soon, and the organizing team apparently prayed for all the participants! That's a real commitment. The retreat center sounds lovely and I look forward to getting away for a bit. The team shared a prophetic prayer they received when they were praying for me:

"Morning, morning! It is a new morning. Whether you are awake or asleep, I am always with you and will watch over you. I am your perfect Father."

So nice to be prayed for.

Idols

Sometimes we make the experience or the emotion an idol. But look at Joseph's time in prison. God was still at work.

Staying in la-la land is not an option when God works in the present moment even if the present looks more like a prison.

Good bye

I'm learning to not let fear control me. Fear can be a good signal, and we need it in life.

Without fear we might try to cross the street without checking for approaching traffic. Without fear, we might be careless about maintaining diving or mountaineering gear.

Fear can teach us a lot, and move us to appropriate action. But there's ungodly fear that places limits on the life God would have us live. The fear of losing a relationship might turn us into people pleasers rather than trusting God and his ways, for example. Or the fear of shame that leads us to hiding sin, legitimate needs, or hurts. Those fears need to go.

Perfect love drives out those kinds of fears.

start of the semester

.... and I already feel like I need a vacation.

reminders

How can we embrace poverty as a way to God when everyone around us wants to become rich? Poverty has many forms. We have to ask ourselves: "What is my poverty?" Is it lack of money, lack of emotional stability, lack of a loving partner, lack of security, lack of safety, lack of self-confidence? Each human being has a place of poverty. 

That's the place where God wants to dwell! "How blessed are the poor," Jesus says (Matthew 5:3). This means that our blessing is hidden in our poverty.

We are so inclined to cover up our poverty and ignore it that we often miss the opportunity to discover God, who dwells in it. Let's dare to see our poverty as the land where our treasure is hidden.

-- Henri Nouwen

goosebumps

How is God's word so amazing?

Ephesians 6:10-18

10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

know thyself

There are times when I have so much going on in my life and head that I have to stay away from people because I'm too tired to hold my tongue. Basically, I have to stay away from situations and people whose actions or words might tempt me to say things like, "Can you please use your brains for five seconds?"

See, I know my weakness.

If I can't hold my tongue, I need to say no to non-work related situations and shut myself in until I get enough rest and peace in my soul. Until then, I am only allowed to spend time with friends who are dear to me. And yes, people who think before they speak.

Rewiring

My prayer director: "You know, you might be so used to fear and anxiety you literally need to re-learn what is relax and rest."

So. True. 

Resting in God's promises is different from "crashing."

wholeness

I know, this seems so unlike my usual intellectual self. But I don't think the intellect and the spirit are opposed. There is a great deal in psychology and sociology that mirrors spiritual truths, and God made the body, mind, and spirit to work in unity.

I am so, so impatient. I want to run like Usain Bolt, but the wounds on my feet aren't fully healed yet.


More about nightmares:

"As followers of Jesus Christ, we have complete spiritual authority to demolish the works of the enemy against us when we pray in the name of our Saviour. So it is the same with demonic nightmares. But first, we must repent for clinging on to any offensive acts or objects that give Satan a foothold to torment us.

1 John 3:8 ESV  ... The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.

Luke 6:18 ESV  ... And those who were troubled with unclean spirits were cured."

nightmares

Last night, I had a dream where demons were present and attacking me and people around me. The funny thing about this dream is that I wasn’t scared and in a way I “made” the dream come back a second time so that I could do a better job of battling the demons and convincing the people around me that we were battling demons not human beings, and that we need to be prepared. I don’t want to make light of demons, and the dreams weren’t a walk in the park. I wasn't fearful, but I was pretty tired and when my alarm rang, I felt exhausted even if I went to bed at a good time. I still find it funny that I dreamed about making the dream come back a second time so that I could improve.

As someone who has been plagued by nightmares for a lot of her adult life, it's remarkable to note how my dreams are no longer filled with fear even when there are demons and spirits in them. Still, I hope I have fewer of these kinds of dreams! 

Land training

Great workouts, great company, great location, great views. So glad I opted-in.

Zechariah 8:13-16

 13 Just as you, Judah and Israel, have been a curse[a] among the nations, so I will save you, and you will be a blessing.[b] Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.”

14 This is what the Lord Almighty says: “Just as I had determined to bring disaster on you and showed no pity when your ancestors angered me,” says the Lord Almighty, 15 “so now I have determined to do good again to Jerusalem and Judah. Do not be afraid.

Zechariah 9:12

Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope;
    even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.

Claiming the promises of God.

Wonder of wonders

I slept so much in the last couple of weeks after finishing the second draft of The Big Project that I may have actually filled up my sleep tank.

Now I'm a little behind on three Small Projects, but I'm finally getting started today. And wow, my writing is terrible. Seriously. When will I ever get my work to "decent"??

Thankful for degrees of "done-ness," but still.... this is a long, never-ending apprenticeship.

Rainy summers

I think I prefer a typhoon or two instead of daily drizzles for weeks on end.

Zechariah 1-2

Isn't ironic that prophets are confronted by images and visions that they don't understand? Prophecy is a gift that requires its receiver to stand on the grace of God. No human mind can understand God; God explains himself and no one can speak for God. His sovereignty is always whole.

Don't challenge god

June 30, God spoke to me in a dream.

He's got a sense of humor.

how the body works

I met The Big Deadline last Friday, and this week, I can barely focus on any kind of reading much less writing. Took yesterday off to rest and read a bit, and ended up sleeping for most of the day.

Still tired, for sure. Half day in the office today because I'm barely focusing again. I hope this changes soon because between now and December, I have to complete three Little Projects. And if all goes well, my Big Deadline might come back but in a much less stressful form.

Nota bene

This week, God reminds me that the gifts he gives me are meant to bless others too. I can't be a hoarder.