it never ends

Every week, I think to myself, "Okay, I need to free up my schedule so that I'm not always so busy." And then the following week turns out to be just as busy. I have a great life, and I enjoy having meals with friends, and playing badminton, and doing things at church. But I need more nights at home, watching TV on the couch.

And, p.s., I need to assign easier readings in my classes too.

post-CNY blues?

Got back last night and will be teaching tonight and tomorrow in the morning. I look forward to crashing on my couch this Sunday! There is no time difference, but I feel fatigued anywhere. Maybe being on a plane fatigues me?? One day, there will be scientific proof for this.

My break was restful--but I also had to prep for lectures from home--and I enjoyed seeing family and friends. After a week at home, I usually feel really terrible when it is time to leave even though I know that once I am on the plane, I will be fine. I'm not homesick now, but why is it so hard to leave home even though I've been away for about fifteen years now???

Weird.

favorite part of CNY celebrations

seeing into the future

I predict that I will spend most of the semester playing catch up. This is going to be a really tough semester.

Why am I leaving town during the lunar new year? Oh, right, because of family. Next year, I really have to say no. There's just too much to do during the semester!

shot in the arm

This week, five different students took the time to tell me that they like the way I teach. The last student to tell me this stopped me while I was at the gym yesterday, and boy, those side crunches were a lot easier after that! I hope this gives me enough energy for the entire semester!! Every morning when I wake up, I remind myself that God has given me enough time and strength to do what I need to do for the day.

of belated realizations

I've recently realized that gluten causes my skin to breakout, and that it is almost impossible to live gluten-free here because gluten is in almost all brands of soy sauce. I'm also crossing off spelt from my list of usable flours. 

ouch

I finally bit the bullet and went to the physiotherapy unit, and was told there that I need to take a break from all forms of exercise to allow my arm to recover. I think the entire clinic heard my exclamation of surprise. I went in thinking that my therapist would teach me better stretches (she did do that too), and I did not expect her to tell me that I cannot use my arm. Well, guess who's not telling her physiotherapist that she has an XD match on Sunday morning?

I also need to go back for several sessions of therapy. After my first session yesterday, my arm felt a lot looser and more relaxed....and also weaker. I don't think I can hold a racket right now. But, I won't be going to the gym or playing before Sunday's game, and luckily, after Sunday's match, I won't have another match until March, so I'll have time to let my arm heal. My arm already feels a little better after yesterday's treatment, and two days ago, the university finally installed a temporary keyboard drawer that allows me to work without putting stress on my wrist, arm and shoulder. (It only took them about four months to follow-up on my request.)

Once, when I was in college, I went to the health center for an appointment, and the nurse asked if I was an athlete. I said, yes, I play varsity squash, but why do you ask? She explained that women in general are more likely to put up with pain, and women athletes, even more so. The nurse said that they take female athletes very seriously when they complain about pain because it's more likely to be serious. I thought it was funny then, but I know better now.

I can't go into this in great detail now because I'm working on a new syllabus--classes start next week, yikes!--but I am very thankful for the church homegroup I've been attending the past five months. I learn a lot from the vulnerability and trust the group members show each other, and I learn a lot from the lessons they are going through right now. 

baddy, wow

I was super stressed before the women's doubles match, but we ended up doing fine. I'm now super stressed about the mixed doubles match. The games themselves are fun but I am often paralyzed by the fear of failure. My teammates have been great though, so I'm learning a lot. I'm certainly physically exhausted from playing too much last week, but the mental stress is taking a much larger toll. I need to either figure out how to be more relaxed, or quit playing in competitions.

I'm learning that I need to enjoy the game, and that playing each shot well is pleasurable on its own. I may not have a wide repertoire of shots right now, but I have enough so I should do what I can. Once more, I have to be patient as I can only grow as fast as grace allows.

It also helps to have kind and experienced teammates who do all they can to help me settle down in my playing style.

Update: I talked to an old, old friend about this and she said, "You stress out about everything! You're just a stressor!" Haha, yeah, I've come to that realization myself. I do need to figure out how to relax and have fun in life and work. After all, all I have to do is what God calls me to do, right? And He won't expect me to do what I am unable to do. (But, Lord, help me keep my job, haha.....)

nerves, nerves, nerves

We have our first women's doubles match this Saturday, and tempers are flaring. And no, it's not just mine!! At least two other people have gotten really mad over the past few days. I think the friend I told off last night understood why I was mad with what he did. I hope so. Our friendship will survive but boy, I know now that I can't always trust his judgment!

sons and daughters

This is a great blog post about what we all need to learn. Some of these lessons take a lifetime to learn.

Goodbye, 2012

So, this is the last day of the year! I have a lot to be thankful for: job renewal; improvement in my badminton game and joining a new baddy club; good health; continued friendships; and a lot of valuable life lessons. But all those blessings did not come without work, pain, or endurance. I had to live with uncertainty for many months before the renewal was confirmed. I suffered from a knee injury that was healed after 3-4 months of rest and therapy. My badminton game has improved but I have so much more to learn, and instituting the few changes I've made to my game was mentally taxing. My friendships continue by the grace of God, and sometimes, through difficult and painful conversations. Those conversations may not become less difficult in the future, perhaps because I am "too sensitive."

What do I hope 2013 will bring? I hope for more rest, not just physically, but also mentally and spiritually. I may be greedy, but I hope for more blessings from God, and I hope that I will also bless others even when they treat me like crap. The older I get, the more I realize that I want a quiet, safe life.

merry christmas!

seasons

I hate grading at the end of the fall semester because it usually means I'm trying to get everything done before Christmas, and yes, there's a lot to do. And don't get me started on one of my graduate students who had the gall to ask me if I could read a draft if he turns one in on Friday, Dec 21 (and he means 5pm, Dec 21). That means I have to read it either over the weekend, or on Monday, Dec 24!! Yeah, buddy, sounds like a great idea. I hope I never pissed off my graduate advisers the way he keeps pissing me off.

Students, tread carefully around your teachers during this time of the year.

disasters

Luckily, I'm not facing any imminent disasters myself. But, I am watching as one of my colleagues hurtles over a cliff, all by his own self. Must remember that stressful situations can cause people to act in really strange, self-destructive ways. My colleague made the decision he made because he thinks it is a form of agency. Well, sure, self-destruction is an act of agency, but it is not necessary the best course of action to take!

(And, yes, I did say "don't do it," but he did it anyway.)

insights

I've come to the belated but staggering realization that students, teachers, and administrators have different goals and objectives. On a good day, they might overlap, but you can't take for granted that they do so on a daily basis. 

life's lessons

My EQ is not very high, and boy, do I have to work on that now! Badminton has been a lot more fun after I joined a club, but it also does mean learning new tricks, that is, learning how different people operate and how I can relate to them. I am a difficult person, I know, but hey, so is everyone else! Hah.

being the light

We had several short seminars and workshops this past week about how to be Christian in academia. (And no, it doesn't mean going around talking about Jesus.) John Stackhouse has a really helpful view about how to live out one's faith at work, and it involves first, being what we were created to be, that is, human, and second, bringing peace to our workplace.

On the one hand, recognizing that we are human forces us to be realistic about who we are and what we can do. But on the other hand, the mission of Christ is to bring love, peace and reconciliation to the communities in which we find ourselves. Consequently, this view of the Christian story and the role we play in it is both immensely freeing and challenging.

I often struggle with office politics, and am terrible at reading the power struggles. Consequently, I tend to withdraw rather than engage, but it is not exactly the most "shalom" of all approaches. One of my senior colleagues who was at one of the talks said in the elevator, "In order to bring peace to our workplaces, we need to first find peace for ourselves. And there must be a place for people like us because the university, like the church, needs people with different gifts." That is really wise. I'm learning to see now that this job is not just about teaching (even if the rest of the world thinks so), that I do have multiple responsibilities, and that I am called to bring light--to the best of my limited abilities--in all these different capacities.

Sigh. Is it really only Monday today? 

bests

The biggest temptation singles face is thinking that we live with God's second best. This temptation affects our whole view of God's character and his goodness, and consequently, our relationship with him.

Apropos of nothing, we were short-handed again at kid's club this morning. We love those kids, but if three of our kids act up, most of the other 30 will also start yelling and running too. A staff person came in to help us, but even then, the three of us were exhausted by the end of the two hours. I really love those kids, but something's just not right. Maybe we need two smaller classes instead of one big class.

The Sports Fellowship Committee--all THREE of us--will be going bus caroling together in Dec! Bus caroling is one of my favorite activities during the Christmas season.

moderating perfectionism

These days, I have to learn to be more moderate in my habits and routines, and loves and hates. I do think now that I have taken on a bit more than I should have this year, and while I enjoy serving in kid's club, guest services, and sports fellowship, I'd be happier if I didn't have so much on my plate. But being a part of all three also does reveal what makes me impatient, upset, or frustrated.

In kid's club, I am learning to be patient but also firm with our toddlers. Guest services is the most challenging area of ministry because I expect adults to behave like adults, and because this ministry is actually an "easy" way to serve. I still don't understand why it is so difficult for us to recruit volunteers, but there you have it. One of my friends who led this team for two years said yesterday that common sense is not so common, and that it is a good time to chip away at those perfectionist tendencies because I will be working with people from all stages of life. Being part of the sports fellowship committee is fun as I begin to get to know the two main leaders. Organizing activities can be very time consuming and tiring, but also rewarding. As I learn to trust my teammates, working with them will be more fulfilling.

I'm slowly learning to be patient in some of my friendships too. A good non-C friend suggested that I lower my expectations so that I won't feel hurt or annoyed by the people who let me down. After all, whatever I'm doing with my friends is supposed to be relaxing anyway, so why get stressed about it? I'd never thought of things in this light before. I suppose it makes sense. If what we're doing does not have high stakes, why get upset over it? Still, I'd appreciate it if my friends apologize when they are in the wrong....a heartfelt "sorry," is not that difficult to say, is it? I say it all the time, sometimes even when I shouldn't be sorry. (This does not put me on a moral high ground, it merely reveals how often I fail others.)

But life is what it is. This week, I'm out every single night of the week, and I have two different sets of friends visiting from different countries. Next week, another set of friends will be in town. Work is slowly picking up speed as deadlines approach and students begin reading more difficult texts. Thankfully, I have a bit of a break from ministry duties before they pick up again in mid-December.

I'm thankful for my life, but I look forward to my next quiet night at home alone, hopefully at the end of the month.

Kid's Club

I'm really enjoying my time with the three year-olds at church. Every week, we get one or two little girls who cry a lot but they are getting better. Some of the boys act up too and that's more challenging. Without meaning to, I've been tending more to the little girls who cry, and it just means holding them and talking to them until they feel more secure. The other teacher assistants have to tear around the room to calm the boys down. We'll see how long my luck holds.

lemon balm

If you're a woman who is looking for a powerful herb that actually helps ease one's monthly agonies, try lemon balm. I've used it in teas twice now and it does help. I'm very glad I found it, and while my plant is barely surviving now, the herb is reportedly easy to grow.

The black thumb strikes again.

beach olympics

The first event I helped organized for the Sports Fellowship at church! It was supposed to rain, but thankfully, it didn't rain at all, so everyone enjoyed the games and BBQ.

excitement!

So, I didn't get to play in the President's Cup this past month (our team won one match, but lost the next one anyway) and I was a bit disappointed but hey, I'm learning a lot from my Sunday sessions because the guys and the team manager/coach have been helping me/us out when they have time. I don't think I get to complain here! I still have at least one horrible bad habit that I need to break. And it looks like we'll be going to China for a weekend in November to play in a friendly match, and I will be part of the team because my (lack of) grading won't be affected by the match.

Here in HK, players are graded from A to E, and if you win in your group match, you get bumped up a grade. Right now, the team manager/coach wants to "collect" other players without grades and send us out as a team. I hope that he finds enough of us soon so I get to play in competitions!!

Anyway, the weekend in China should be fun as we will take a ferry to the location as a group, and I believe our room and board will be covered by the club that hosts us, and we will be hosted in facilities reserved for foreign guests. Regardless of how things turn out, the experience should be fun, and I'll get to know some of my teammates better.

As of two days ago, I am also now an interim member of the Sports Fellowship Committee at church. They want me on as one of the two leaders, but I am hesitant to commit right now because it could interfere with my baddy sessions. But based on their activities for the next two months, I can help out, so I'd like to see how things go first. Our next two upcoming activities will be biking in Sai Kung, and a night hike to the Peak. My weekends between now and January 2013 are all full!

How did I go from ushering only once a month to serving twice a month in kid's church, co-leading a team of ushers, and possibly leading another committee?? Well, as long as I don't have to co-lead a care group, I'm happy, hah.

I've only had hairy crab twice in my life, and it is delicious. I don't mind not having any other crab ever again! I had it once last year, and I'll probably have it only once this year too. It is very delicious but also very rich, and I don't want to risk getting sick of it after gorging. So, I'll wait another year before I have hairy crab for the third time! 

The brilliant Jo Kukathas

division of labor

It just occurred to me that a lot of the guys I've met here in HK are either bankers or they run their own businesses, or their family's businesses. Some of the women I've met are also bankers but none of them run their own businesses. Why is that??

drama almost drawing to a close

I went to the office today for an hour, and my throat started to feel dry and a little rough, and my nose felt a little congested, but it wasn't bad. Still, I have decided to go ahead and switch my bookshelves to metal ones. Hopefully this can be done soon, and hopefully this will solve the problem and I can work in my office again. 

growing up

I am coming to the slow but sure conclusion that almost all of life, including work, is a power struggle and a search for significance. Like Christ, we can strive for excellence and for the opportunity to bless others, and also to run away from the temptation to manipulate and control others. Me? I'd be happy if I can politely but firmly stop others from attempting to manipulate and control me. I'm surprised by how students try to do this as a means to gain affirmation or attention from me. Was I like that too at that stage?