I must confess that I'm really struggling with my resolution to expect good things around the corner. And that's okay, I will continue to struggle in prayer to trust that God has my life all planned out and that while life may be difficult, it will be good.
I don't want to condemn myself for struggling--I want to work at remaining in communion with Christ.
After my visit, I still think that taking a job this year will make my life very painful and difficult, esp the job in S. The location is great, but I think I will end up burned out and bitter, if a lot wealthier.
And I don't want the job in the C college because I will have no friends but other C's, and the thought of living like that is horrifying to my mind and soul. Not now. Not until we go home for good.
If I have to take the job in S, I will praise God (and demand His strength and grace). But I will not take the job in the C college. That said, I will still go for the interview this week, Feb 6-9.
Have I said often enough yet that I'm exhausted?
Why go for the interview if you have no intention of taking up the job if offered?
ReplyDeletemy profs tell me that it's a sign of respect to go to the interview, and i should look at this as an opportunity to share my work.
ReplyDeletei suppose if i had thought really carefully about it, i probably shouldn't have applied in the first place.
my friend who is currently chair at another christian college in CA (b_ol_ university) asked me in dec to apply for a position there, and after i'd thought about it a lot, i decided not to apply esp since my friend would've been a very strong advocate for me.
by that point, i'd heard back from this C college, and had to think seriously about whether or not i want to teach at a C institution.
i've heard that my friend's institution is more rigorous academically, and of course, i have a great deal of respect for my friend and his wife. i would actually have more reasons to accept a job there, but i really am convinced now that i want to work in a secular institution.
it's hard enough to have good non-C friends when you're in a secular school--how much more difficult would it be when you're teaching at a C college?