what's wrong

I don't know if something's wrong with me, or if being on an emotional roller coaster is normal for those who are dissertating. It's really awful. I'm going to wonder every morning when I wake up if I will be at peace or if I will struggle with depression.

On Wed, I turned in Ch 1, which is great except that I don't think I felt great for very long. In fact, I think I was happy from the time I realized I could turn in the draft (it's not complete yet) to the time when I actually placed hard copies in my professors' mailboxes. That took about 24 hours . . .

A part of it is due to the solitary nature of dissertation writing. You do have to be away from others who are not dissertating. It sometimes helps to be living with a roommate who also has to finish her dissertation, even if she works in a very different field that has different research and writing methods.

But dissertating is also solitary in the sense that few people understand the emotional difficulties of having to write so much, so fast, and under such great pressures. Those who do understand are trying to deal with the same thing, so they can commiserate occasionally and briefly before they go back to their work. Those who haven't gone through the experience don't understand just how difficult it is, and among them are those who are super-confident, those who think that they will just coast through this . . . well, I don't want to talk to them. And those who have gone through it nod their heads but they know they can't do anything besides assure me that I'll feel much better once I'm done.

The least helpful people are those who are doing other things and can't find a sympathetic bone in their body for a friend in need. I'm sorry, I really cannot be friends with them during this period.