Christmas gift

Phone stand. But I need to figure out how it works.

time travel

I was home for nine days and it felt like two months. That's not necessarily bad, but I feel like I was in a whole other world and now I have to get back to work.

It's okay, I just have to work like crazy for a month then I can take another short break.

Some of my aunts start to tell me stories, but they eventually tell those stories to one another. That is, they start telling me stories in English, then they switch to telling those stories to one another in Hokkien.

2017

With old friends. All of whom just wanted to get to bed.

Things old folks say

If someone curses you and you don't say anything in response, the curse goes back to them.

That's one way to stop a fight. Pretty smart.

Mini family trip

Ipoh

Things kids say

ReH: Why is she here? Isn't she supposed to live in a cold place?

My old care group

I really need to get plugged into a group again.

Christmas cookie

Went in to ask Boss a question, and came out with a little more clarity, and also disturbing news. My conclusion is that universities are not good at talking about gender issues or any kind of power inequality. His conclusion is that asshats--male and female--often end up in positions of power and there's not much we can do about it. I can't disagree with that. But he's also the sort of person who quietly tries to figure out how to make things as right as he can, so it's not as passive as it sounds.

Harapkan pagar, pagar yang makan nasi.

Oh, and Boss gave me one of the cookies he was going to hand out to his administrative staff. It's dairy free, luckily.

Yearies

What do you call the the friends who think about you when they realize that their family vacation is so awesome, fun, and relaxing that you really should be enjoying all of it with them? I don't know either.

But I want to be there as much as they want me to be there. Because I know that they know me and understand me, and that if they want me there, it's because they know I will enjoy it, and that they will also enjoy having me there too.

Being a kid for a bit

A few lessons from the year as it comes to a close:

-        It’s okay not to know how to do something. How I learned this?

o   Because mentors like T, Dav, and Chars stepped in to teach me stuff I didn’t know how to do, and I didn’t feel embarrassed or like I was a failure. It was okay not to know.

(Dav, in particular, is cheerleader extraordinaire.)

Isn't this a part of being a kid? Kids don't know how to do everything, but they can learn if they're taught.

-        It’s okay to be a kid. How I learned this?

o   Phi finding and organizing a discounted chicken dinner, or M bringing me along when she checks out a new sushi place.

o   Phi taking Heej and I around Tomorrowland, and us having fun despite our cynical academic selves. Heej really got into the ride where we had to shoot at targets. (But I got a higher score.)

o   Phi helping me unbuckle my seat belt at the Ironman ride.

I don’t need to always have it altogether or know everything. 

And it’s okay to take care of others because they will take care of themselves too. We just take turns doing it. It's not just one way.

Finally, thanks to Iv, whose VIP passes motivated Heej and I to play hooky. Oh, the delicious irony of teachers skipping out of work early to play during exams week.


Oh, and last thought: it mattered that we were physically acting like children. Our minds and bodies work together. I don't think I would have come to these realizations if I hadn't actually been playing. It's just like how the act of going to church on Sunday actually matters. God is not legalistic, but he did make us "whole," that is, with both our minds as well as our physical bodies and they work together. The Cartesian mind-body split diverts us from God's design.

So pretty

⇀⇁

Work insights

Another junior prof described our foolish tilting at windmills as "dumb and brave."

But we're learning. I'm not so sure that's always a good thing, but we are learning.

Concrete jungle

Has anyone wondered why the island doesn't just sink under all this weight?

Clearly, I don't understand how islands work.

Peak hike

TGIF

More good words from friends

And it's true...hasn't God given me gifts that I didn't know to ask for and for which I didn't have to lift a finger?

More friendship

Friends who rally around are worth their weight in gold. Like her father, this friend's love language is acts of service. So cute. I don't think she realizes how much she takes after her mom and dad.

Little things

Subtext: that help me hang on

Unexpected friendships

How is this person so sure that I will come out of this okay? It's been sixteen years since I left that city. She does understand why some things are so hard for me. And her good words to me are so needed. (And hopefully they come true!)

Conundrum

Heard some terrible news at work today re Mi's decision and had zero desire to go out to badminton because I didn't think I would be able to control my face tonight. (Or, tomorrow either at which point I really should stay home too.)

Going to the gym was fine because I didn't have to interact with anyone and after that went to the store to pick up a drink. But alcohol is no fun alone. And soda has 10g of sugar per 100ml. Basically I got bubbly water because I couldn't bear to put 30-50g of sugar in my body because of this.

Bubbles in my water. Living on the wild side.

Word

Romans 7:14-16

14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.

- Isak Dinesen 

Super moon

redemption

There are days when I just want to look for a different job. Then there are moments of great generosity from senior colleagues at my institutions and at other institutions. The best moments of my job are when everyone, myself included, realizes that we are all always learning. All the time, and at every stage, and none of us can truly be happy in this profession if we don't keep this front and center. If everyone who plays a part in the university and its adjacent institutions realize this, we can all be much happier and more productive.

The next few months will be incredibly busy again. I'm so grateful for the people who have given their time, and for thinking carefully about everything that is at stake. I'm excited by what I can learn in the coming months. And terrified that I won't get to where I hope to get. Mostly, I'm humbled by all the support I've gotten in the past few months.

Living under grace. That's me. On so many levels.

What a life. What a journey.

Soundtrack

There's drilling at home and now there's drilling in the office too. Is it any wonder that I think constantly of moving to the boondocks. A remote mountain village in Japan sounds about right. Except that as my friends remind me, there won't be any badminton.

However, it's a very nice day outside.

School gym

Getting back on track after vacation and rest.