explanations

I suppose I should explain the memory I wrote about two posts ago. Occasionally I meet with a Christian counselor--actually, I've met with her three times--to do what she calls "prayer counseling." I think there are different names for it, but I don't remember the more sophisticated term.

Basically, when we meet to talk, and usually this is when my emotions are more disturbed, she will ask me if any memories are coming up. I tell her the memory or memories that surface, and sometimes one memory will lead to another. Then she asks me what I'm feeling in these memories--this isn't always easy as I often have to pause and figure out what exactly I'm feeling. Once we have that, we go into a time of prayer where she asks Jesus to reveal His truth to me, and then we stay silent for a little while. The answers don't always come immediately.

But the answer is often peace.

In this particular memory, I say myself walking along that long and busy road, afraid and yet guilty of being afraid because I had to be strong, I had to take care of myself. If I were to walk that distance again today as an adult, it would take me about 15-20 minutes to get as far as I did all those years ago. I wonder how long it took the 4-year old me to walk that far.

My answer to this memory was a picture of Christ (sorry, I saw only His back, don't know what He looks like) walking by my side and holding my hand. I'm sure I didn't feel it, but He looked like He was on an adventure, and He was trying to convince me that "This is fun! This is going to be so great! You'll see!" And as with every adventure, there is always a hint of fear. But there is also knowledge that everything's going to be just fine.

Finally, I felt His great love for my parents. They made a mistake that resulted in a four year old being left alone on a busy street, but it was a mistake and it did not mean that they loved me less. Christ was walking with me and holding my hand at every step of the way. That was and is my answer.