more dreams

Dreamed that I profited from the largesse of a college friend's cooking skills (Zoia C., by the way), and that, with another college friend (Michelle A.), I took over and lived in a tiny Hong Kong-style mall shop with glass walls all around.

So, what's my unconscious telling me? I don't really keep in touch with either Zoia or Michelle even if I do think they're both really wonderful women, and Zoia's more of an expert dancer rather than chef. I guess dreams don't really mean anything and I shouldn't put anything by them.

In the summer, it gets so hot here that water coming out of my kitchen taps are hot in the morning. 

the unconscious

I dreamed last night that I presented one of my current chapters to a bunch of non-academic friends, and they very uninterested, confused, and dismissive. One of my dissertation committee members was there and she tried to discuss it with me in a helpful manner, but I was even more embarrassed because she was there.

Oh boy.

Beauty

On a hot and muggy summer night

Physical fatigue

I can't remember the last time I felt this tired after two days of working out; one day at the gym, and the second day on court. This is not unusual for me, but I have spent the last month and a half outside of my routines, so maybe that explains why my body is screaming today.

My entire body feels bruised.

And I cannot believe it's already mid-July. Where has my summer gone? I need to write. Come on, brain and body, get with the groove, please.

I'm glad that I won't be traveling for the rest of the year.

I feel like I've lost my drive for work, but I want to see the end of this project. I'm not writing the way I want to write, and I'd like a breakthrough. The break of travel was great because I did see some things differently and my brain wasn't trundling along the same old ruts.

But now, it's time to get back into a productive routine. Please?

Psalm 23:8

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

and we're back

Had a great time at home! Always nice to be back and not really working, haha.

But oh, to get back on the wheel? So tough. I schedule reading days right after a trip but it doesn't feel like "real" work. Even though it is. I mean, how will I know what books to teach if I don't read new ones, right?

So why doesn't it feel like real work???

Update: okay, so if you're reading a more complex novel, it does feel like real work....

Updated update: okay, I had a nightmare thanks to that novel....

Back home for a week

It's the dry season season now but it has rained every day the three days I have been here. So thankful for the blessing of rain!

There's nothing like lying in bed on a rainy evening. The rain soaked breeze here feels and smells different from everywhere else in the world.

Sea glass

While I was in Palermo, I asked God for a piece of sea glass to remind me of how he makes things new, and redeems our brokenness. Jan Chandler taught me about sea glass. It's the glass you find on the beach after the sea, sand, and sky have made broken pieces of glass smooth, and it is usually opaque. After noticing all the broken bottles of beer on Palermo's beach, I thought, hey! that should be easy for God. There's so much raw material here already.

But noooooo, not one teeny piece of sea glass for me.

So, here you are, God, I'll be waiting for you to answer this prayer. I never thought of myself as very girly, but it is nice to have a little bling bling sometimes. And I want me a nice piece of sea glass, thanks!

Ephemeral

Found out that an old classmate died yesterday from dengue fever. It was a bit of a shock to hear that someone I know could die from a mosquito bite.

Life is strange. And completely outside of my control. So, I should get used to it and be more relaxed in general because life won't always turn out the way I want it to even if I do everything right. And of course, there's no way I can do everything right.

And God is still God so I can leave things up to Him.

Why is this so hard?

Thankful for a couple of friends who were there for me yesterday.

Penance

This jet lag is completely unpredictable. Completely.

And there are days when I feel so alienated in HK. Is that jet lag or is that a longing for Home?

World Cup fever!

I love it when my friends are crazy over a sport. Okay, maybe not really. I mean I get infected by World Cup fever even if I don't watch any of the games. But I love reading fb feed related to the matches!

Hup, Holland! 

Ugh

I hate Rome Fiumicino! You make my journeys longer every time I have to transit here!

Avoid when possible.

Almost done

Exhausted. Love the Amalfi coastline. Pictures really don't do it justice. Here I am, loving the wonderful time away for the break it's given me from my routine. But I am also excited to get back to my own life now.

Half of the chapter is still buried in mud but I think half of it is finally surfacing. Fingers crossed. 

I feel like I have forgotten how to play badminton but hey, I got to fall in love with Amalfi's craggy coastline, deep blue waters and majestic cliffs. I am sure many Gothic films were shot here, and if they haven't been, they should. 

God's creation is amazing. Now, I hope I get to the train station later without getting rained on. 

White flag

I think being here has really given me thinking space. My brain seems a little freer now that I am not just barreling through my routine. This is God's grace to the imperfect person that I am.

I know I can do terrible things and I am tired of fighting it. I give up. This is who I am and I am not perfect. Sorry, world. Can't pretend to be good. I am just someone who struggles. That's me.

Love that is bigger than my imagination

Really good article.  http://hearingtheheartbeat.com/2014/06/09/grace-on-credit/

Palermo again

What am I doing here? I have not seen another Chinese face here. Although Italian people are very polite and don't stare. I would if I saw another Chinese face!

Let's hope the work portion of the trip goes well because there's not much in this tiny town. Great beaches though.

It took me over an hour of walking to get to this secluded cove but even the more accessible beaches have really clear water.

Bye, sports fellowship committee!

Stepped down from SFC because I just feel like my schedule is too hectic. Our glorious leader gave the two of us who are leaving a bag of his favorite candy from France where his family lives. It's super sweet but also addictive.

Flambe

On the way to Tuen Mun

I took this picture on the top deck of a double-decker bus on my way to Tuen Mun to play with some friends on a HK holiday (Duen Ng Festival). I read a bit in the morning then headed over for afternoon games. Came back to the island for dinner with another set of friends whom I hadn't seen in awhile. What a great way to spend a day off. And it's nice to have friends. Duh. Hahahaha. 

Friends

God's work: pulling together very different people and making them friends who teach, share, encourage, and love one another. This would not have been possible if it had been left up to me.

Summertime

Thunder and lightning

I have never heard so much thunder in my life. One lightning bolt follows the other almost immediately. Kind of stressful at 3.30am.

Be cool series

God's too cute

I was feeling a little sad and unloveable last night, and I prayed about it during my devotions. Two seconds later, I was chatting with five friends on social media: Stella, a Kenyan friend from college; Yan, my childhood friend; Kitty, my closest friend from badminton here; Elaine, from my current home group; and Emmanuel, a Rwandan from CICF. Each in their own ways made me feel valued despite my weaknesses and failures, and shared little stories from their lives.

Yes, I'm sure none of them would have liked to know that I was chatting with four other people at the same time (type fast and ask more questions) but these weren't very long chats anyway. It was just what I needed, and God provided not one friend, not two friends, but five friends. God loves and gives abundantly!

(And, he has quite the sense of humor.)

sigh

I guess I'm still naive in some ways, cynical in others, and just plain dumb sometimes.

My workplace drives me nuts but everyone just keeps telling me that this is how life works. Things aren't always going to be clear, and they aren't always going to make sense.

I wish God created a better version of me. Someone who doesn't make as many mistakes as I do.

Psalm 51

The best examples of the worst of humanity can be found in the university.

True story.

Although, I suppose I should be glad that I don't run the risk of dying at work. Stories of friends of friends who develop cancer from all the stress and anxiety notwithstanding.

Day 6

Kiyomizudera, then a scenic walk to Gion for lunch where we had unusual tasting sushi for lunch at Izuju. The horse mackerel was the best tasting of the three types and it was affordable at 1800 yen for two people.

Then off to Fushina shrine before heading back to Osaka's kitchen street to get a few gifts.

Cold udon noodles for dinner. I will skip the grated yam next time. The texture was too slimy. Very tired. Early trip to the airport tomorrow morning.

I already miss Japan!