ah hah

And badminton does it again!

Life lessons really stick for me once I learn something on the badminton court. For the past two years, I've been told over and over again that I need to keep my grip loose. Power comes from a tight grip, but you can't constantly grip the racket tightly because your stroke becomes inflexible and your reactions are slow. So the grip should be light and relaxed until the second you hit the shuttle, after which point, your grip should loosen up again. It's hard to break old habits though, so it's been a real struggle to change this up.

Last night, during one of my drills, I noticed that my grip was more relaxed and I wasn't even thinking about it. At that moment, I realized that I was starting to get what it means to hold the grip gently until the opportune moment. And more importantly, that in life, off the court, I need to loosen my grip on things too. I can hold on to God, but everything else, especially the things that make me angry at work, need to be held with soft hands.

Sounds silly, but this is a really important moment for me.

Single-minded?

Waiting for my friends to go camping but all I want to do is play badminton.

Lord, please meet me this weekend.

My head hurts. God is teaching me too much

Sigh

I just realized that when I think of a colleague negatively--even if I think it is justified--I am unable see the colleague as Christ sees him/her. I may not have to trust her but I think I need to change how I see him/her.

Growing

I guess the hardest part of my journey has been adjusting to work culture and the complexities of negotiating friendship in the professional world. On the one hand, we're friends but on the other hand, we are all colleagues even if we don't work at the same institution. Still need to get my head around all that.

rules, or the lack of rules

The university has a lot of rules, but it also seems like rules are often broken or changed at the whim of those in power. Of course, those of us without job security are the ones who have to follow the rules. The people in power don't follow rules; they make them. And sometimes, people act badly out of fear. Everyone's fearful about something. And in academia, the fears are usually fears of not being smart enough, or good enough, or powerful enough. It's just hard on everyone.

There are days when I really hate academia. Today is one of them. And actually, yesterday too.

Update: and yes, I am often fearful too. Fear is infectious!

Surprise

My trainer set up my heart monitor for me. The birthday cake won't go away!

I keep telling myself that I need to slow down. But I still fill up my schedule more than I'd like to and make my Monday mornings so much harder. Last night, I heard life and industry stories from an architecture who heads the HK office of a Chinese firm, a police (woman) officer stationed in Mong Kok, and an entrepreneur in travel retail. I really, really love talking to people who work in different fields. They teach me more about the world than I'd have access to on my own.

Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if I had chosen a different career. But what??

Gotta love my care group

Fun day

oh, work

I woke up from a work-related nightmare last night. It seemed so real. I don't remember details anymore, but I definitely remember having it.

Hopefully, never again?

Overwhelmed

I have been around too many people these past few weeks. And I noticed that everyone seeks affirmation or validation, often from the people around them. I would like to make them feel valued because they are worthy of respect and dignity as God's creation. But I only have so much energy.

And I learned that I need to come back to God, and wait on him, and be filled again so that I can see others the way he sees them. I still need a lot of time alone. But I can spend time with people too, and give them the respect they need.

I have been so blessed to have been loved so deeply and generously inside and outside the church. So I need to give it my best shot!

Psalm 86:11-13

enough....

I love seeing old friends, and I like taking visitors around, but I've had too many of them in the last 12 months. No more for 2014, please.

I need to move to a deserted island, I really do.

too much

Can't bear to read the news anymore. So much fear-mongering and threats here in HK. And the divisions between friends and churches is getting to me. How does one work under such circumstances? Or bring peace into this situation? All this is really beyond me.

Homemade lip balm

A bit too yummy.

Democracy is way tiring

more time on my hands

I feel more relaxed and have more time to do my own thing when my close, single girl friends begin a relationship because they no longer have to talk about their day with me. I'm happy to talk with them, of course, but sometimes, I really don't need to hear about what happened at the office, or what movies they want to watch or like to watch. I'd never tell them that, of course. But I'm very happy for them!!!!!!!!

I hope this doesn't make me a terrible person.....

mentoring

Went to the campus christian faculty prayer meeting today, and it was so nice to just pause and be reminded we're a part of God's work, and not that God is a part of our work. Thankful also for senior faculty members who are calm and kind. 

Just reminds me that I need to ask God to make me gentle.....

blessed

Starting Monday off with this unexpected, exhilarating thought: "I love my life."

Politics

We may be caught up in a historical moment. China has been flexing its muscles over HK, and the organizers of Occupy Central may be gearing up for major protests. Student unions in the major universities all over HK may also participate in these protests but hold them on their campuses.

I'm proud to say that my faculty has decided to support our students in what they choose to do. I've offered to reschedule my classes to the evening or the weekends as a measure of support.

I must say that I don't like to disrupt my lessons, and I don't like it when my students can't attend my classes. Personally, these strikes may hurt the students as individuals, and it is a cost that the university community has to bear. But we also need to send a message that will be loud and clear to the Chinese government that HK is part of China, but is prepared to fight for democracy, and for an independent judiciary.

Business cannot go on as usual, but how do we do it in a way that hurts China, and not us? But if we do not pay the cost now, the cost we pay later will be much higher. Oy vey. God, grant wisdom and courage to those in positions of leadership, as well as to the rest of us.

Fall 2014

And, the stress is back! I can't say I've missed the stress, but hey, it's back!

Some of it is exciting. I'm excited to teach a new class, and I'm excited to see some of my favorite students who have signed up for my classes. I'll miss the students who have graduated.

The faculty is going through a search for a new dean, and one of the candidates is really amazing. His/her accomplishment is way out of the ballpark, and I'd never be able to replicate that kind of track record. But his/her energy and enthusiasm is inspiring. Something I learned: recognize the problems for what they are, but use as much positive language as possible because you come across as being ready and equipped to solve the problem.

Some people complain a lot (seriously) but they just come across as bitter and impotent. Note to self....

I would like to be productive this year. I really, really would.

Peking Duck

Really yummy

Old friends in HK

Favorite dimsum thing

流沙包

Lau sar pau

Had this for breakfast with a childhood friend who manages to annoy me on a regular basis, Mr. Moh.

Life lesson from work

I need to slow down and explain myself clearly. There's no need to rush through things, and I can be more patient with myself as I let my thoughts unfold. I need to take my space. My thoughts need to take their space.

Hopefully, all this makes sense in the future.

please....

I wish I could survive on less sleep so that I can do everything I want to do: work hard at my job, pray, read, spend time with friends and family, volunteer, play badminton, and go to the gym. All these things are important to me....

It seems like the one thing that I've had to learn to do consistently over the past 20 years is to learn to weigh what people teach me. I need to remain teachable, but not what everyone tells me is true--even if they're convinced they are--or right. Sometimes, it may not be right for me at that time.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. Lord, have mercy.

God's answer: I have loved you with an everlasting love.

Quit it with the non sequiturs, O Master of the Universe.

I love you too.

more dreams

Dreamed that I profited from the largesse of a college friend's cooking skills (Zoia C., by the way), and that, with another college friend (Michelle A.), I took over and lived in a tiny Hong Kong-style mall shop with glass walls all around.

So, what's my unconscious telling me? I don't really keep in touch with either Zoia or Michelle even if I do think they're both really wonderful women, and Zoia's more of an expert dancer rather than chef. I guess dreams don't really mean anything and I shouldn't put anything by them.

In the summer, it gets so hot here that water coming out of my kitchen taps are hot in the morning. 

the unconscious

I dreamed last night that I presented one of my current chapters to a bunch of non-academic friends, and they very uninterested, confused, and dismissive. One of my dissertation committee members was there and she tried to discuss it with me in a helpful manner, but I was even more embarrassed because she was there.

Oh boy.

Beauty

On a hot and muggy summer night

Physical fatigue

I can't remember the last time I felt this tired after two days of working out; one day at the gym, and the second day on court. This is not unusual for me, but I have spent the last month and a half outside of my routines, so maybe that explains why my body is screaming today.

My entire body feels bruised.

And I cannot believe it's already mid-July. Where has my summer gone? I need to write. Come on, brain and body, get with the groove, please.

I'm glad that I won't be traveling for the rest of the year.

I feel like I've lost my drive for work, but I want to see the end of this project. I'm not writing the way I want to write, and I'd like a breakthrough. The break of travel was great because I did see some things differently and my brain wasn't trundling along the same old ruts.

But now, it's time to get back into a productive routine. Please?